Month: October 2013

Conversations matter.

On By MJIn ThoughtsLeave a comment

Some conversations are really worth having. I don’t mean the ones of meaningless banter. I mean the conversations of depth, honesty, and heck intellect is great too!

During the duration of the three days of the “Everything to do with Sex” show in Toronto, we had many conversations. We had mostly quick dialogues of explaining xxxChurch, why we were there, or “is this Christian porn?” [really people…really?].  A lot of people were on a mission to get to all of the booths, so they meticulously timed how long conversations would be anywhere as to not miss anything. Others were freebirds, taking their time through the hall, taking in everything at every booth. Often the conversations of quick passers-by were simple “Jesus loves you, here’s a book and a sticker”. Other times it would be answering a few questions about the church [which isn’t actually a church but a non-profit ministry]. But on those beautiful rarer occasions where curiosity was birthed, boredom was thriving, and questions were rising….

…we had ourselves some real conversations.

There are two conversations in particular that stuck out for me. Toward the end of the late night shift of the show on Friday night one of the girls from our group started a conversation with a 23 year old atheist named Matt*. He had just decided to stop by the convention and check out the goods. Somehow he began to get into a theological debate with our team member. Honestly, he was looking for a fight to see if we were the real deal. After about 30 minutes, give or take, I was brought into the conversation which was subjected on historicity of the Christian church, credibility of the Bible, and higher powers. Matt* was definitely educated on Christianity and its history, Roman history, and Judaic and other religious histories. He knew his stuff. However, so did we. I feel like I have my Apologetics professor, Dr. Davis, to thank for helping me a few years ago while in college. After about another 30-45 minutes the conversation closed. Though it would seem like we got nowhere with this guy, who was not at all annoyed or angry with my team member or myself, I believe the outcome of our intellectual debate was great. He thanked us for not being mad at him though he knew he was an asshole [his words not mine].  He thanked us for not backing down on our side of the conversational debate. I could tell, from this kids background, story, and even his education, that he definitely wants more. He wants something to believe [which he did tell us] but doesn’t know where to find it without religion. Right before he walked away, he told us how he had more fun chatting and debating with us (for what I believe was almost 1 1/2 hours) than walking around looking at tits. He was a 23 year old male… I’ll take that as a compliment to our conversation. Matt* I am praying for you, wherever you are.  Don’t be afraid to let faith come before intellect or understanding.

It would seem as if my Saturday night repeated Friday night only with a different guy and subject matter.  One of the camera guys from the expo stopped by our booth around 10 pm  to see if he could get a free shirt. Luckily we had one for him. I had met Sam* a few times before in the weekend, quick hellos, etc. but this conversation was totally different and it was fantastic! I gave Sam* the free t-shirt and then we started to small talk. It began with basic questions about xxxChurch and then about his job as a photographer. He had some great stories. He spoke of his desire to do more for others, like humanitarian work. He specifically mentioned Habitat for Humanity and disaster response. I could tell he wanted to do good for others.  As we continued our conversation he asked me more questions on why I am involved with xxxChurch, the humanitarian work I’ve done, but then the conversation took a twist that could have only be directed by God.

He asked about forgiveness. For whatever reason the conversation switched to discuss if anyone could be forgiven regardless of what atrocities they could have done. I felt the need to share two examples of extreme grace and forgiveness, which for the sake of not wanting to write every detail I will omit from this post.  Redemption is the core of the story of Jesus. His love is for anyone who wants it. His grace is for us. Redemption is the product of a life turned to Jesus. For about an hour I was able to share with Sam* the beauty of Jesus’ love in my own life, why its the driving force for everything I do, and even why I believe God could have incredible plans for him if he opened his life to Him. Sam* was so engaged in the conversation that he missed a nude woman walked by us, only covered with tiny pasties and a string… a literally string. He was not only engaged in the conversation, he wanted to know more. Sadly the conversation had to end because the convention was wrapping up for the night. I believe something was stirred inside of Sam*.  I could tell he wants more. I could tell, though he loves his life, he desires something greater.  Sam* [you know who you really are], if you read this please know that not only do I believe Jesus loves you deeply, but I believe that Jesus could have far greater plans for your life than just photographing celebrities [though that’s pretty cool]. I believe your heart for wanting to help people is fantastic and I think the love of Jesus could make it that much stronger and deeper.  I know you still have tons of questions and I sincerely hope you follow up with us like you promised.

Conversations matter. Taking the time to share your story with someone, Jesus’ love, or even just listening to their story could make such a difference. You never the impact a simple conversation could have on someone’s life. Never underestimate it.  And never be afraid to be used by God in any conversations. I am so grateful for the people I met this weekend. For the conversations I had, short and longer, I am grateful. I hope they each felt loved by Jesus because he does deeply love each and every one of them.

 

 

[Matt* and Sam* are not the real names of the individuals I spoke with]

Beyond Samaria.

On By MJIn Awareness, Biblical Application, Thoughts1 Comment

Arriving to Toronto, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. This trip and convention, I was told, would be much different than the Atlantic City Exxxotica. This was “Everything to do with Sex”  and it would be large still but geared toward couples. I had no clue what that could mean.  All I knew for certain was: Jesus loves people and I was there, in Toronto, at that convention, to share the love of Jesus to people and patrons of the sex industry.

Over the course of three days, we encountered thousands of people. Some were with their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Others were with their partner. Still others were alone. There were all sorts of costumes and personality in the wardrobes present at the show. Calendar men (firefighters specifically), Hustler girls wore their booty branded undies and tops, several body-painted ladies wore….body paint, dancers and strippers of the industry walked around in the latest lingerie and pasty fashions, while still others wore the best burlesque they could. And of course, don’t forget “Thong Man”- the 70+ senior citizen who changed his thong outfit every hour- police, Rambo, army, energizer bunny…. I’m sure he has dozens of different thonged outfits. Who knows where he buys them.  Everything pornographic from couples to dungeon had a booth, though still most gearing their audience for couples. But don’t worry… there were booths for tattoos, body-casting art, back massage chairs, travel Toronto, boots, dresses, and even food trucks! Plenty of fun stuff right? I’m not gonna lie… I bought a crepe from one of the venders. No shame at all. It was delicious.

In the middle of all of that there was xxxChurch. Surrounded by adult toys, sex therapists, and lingerie, we had our neon colored hippy-esque booth. We gave the industry girls gift bags, bottles of water, and tanks. For three days we handed out 2,000 Bibles [book of John actually] and 3,000 stickers. The hot pink “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” stickers were the attention grabbers and hot commodity of the weekend… other than the porn.  But we got attention. We got everything from confused looks to giggles but often immediate questions on what we were exactly.

That is the point.

In an environment where so many people have been rejected by Christians, here we were xxxChurch in all our neon glory, with a 20 foot booth inviting people to ask the real question they ALL wanted answered… Does Jesus really love porn stars? Does Jesus really love… me? Even though I’ve done [fill in the blank]? So many people wanted to know the love we offered freely. The love that was not condemning, judging or critical. Yes we were and always are honest about what we believe about pornography, sexuality, and God however, the first step we try to stick with is just letting people know that Jesus loves them.  No one in that convention hall was less than enough for God. None were less worthy than myself or anyone else. Not one person has done enough “bad” for Him to reject them. That is the beauty of grace and forgiveness.

By offering love and grace first, it opened so may doors for conversations for people to want to know about God. Between theological discussions and debates to confessions of wanting more to honest conversation on desiring God, we were the Church in the middle of a sex and porn convention.  I can’t help but think of Jesus going to the land of Samaria. He had to go to through Samaria even though he actually had another route option. Instead he chose to go to a city Jews avoided to go to a well that no one acceptable would be at during that time of day to speak to a woman who was a known mistress to many. The Samaritans were bi-racial outcasts of society. And even in their being an outcast, Jesus met this woman who was even more of an outcast because of her sexual behaviors. Jesus chose to show love and kindness to this woman. He chose to meet her where she was not ask her to change everything first. After their discussion furthered he offered something more… forgiveness and new life.  The beauty of the story is that Jesus’ love changed this woman, not the woman changing for him first. His love- unconditional, redeeming, perfect love- was this reason she changed her life and started living different. It was the reason she ran back into town to tell everyone she knew about Jesus.  (read John 4)

xxxChurch goes to these conventions to offer that first step. We go to an area most Christians avoid either because they are critical or because they don’t know what to do in that kind of environment. We go to a group of people, though often glamorized, are still largely deemed by society as nothing less than a lay, a mental image to find gratification, and another person to call a name. We offer nothing but love and kindness to everyone in the building. Of course we want people to know Jesus personally, but its not our job to convert. Its our job to be the Church and love of Jesus, and his job to do the rest. At the end of the weekend, I had such joy in my heart. I know many of those people from this weekend’s convention want to know more. They want to find freedom from addiction. Some might seek restoration for their marriage. Some might want to know Jesus personally rather than just a cuss word. Some might want out of the industry. All I know is that there are a few thousand people that can’t deny that they were told and shown a love that is rare. One worth dying for. One worth going to Samaria for. One worth giving everything for.

[title credit to Sue]

A problem with the Church [and my response to ministry criticism]

On By MJIn Thoughts1 Comment

I have to say that going into this weekend, though I was extremely excited, there was a bit of discouragement that stayed with me.

On Thursday morning I posted a status that spoke about how I was leaving for Toronto later that day. This was my status:
“Today I leave for Toronto to work with xxxChurch at another porn convention. I know for those that are not aware of who/what xxxChurch is, us going to to a porn convention is strange. We are a non-profit that simply wants to help those with sexual addictions as well as tell those who work in and for the sex industry that someone- God- loves them. No matter who you are, you are enough for God. If you want more info ask me or check out xxxchurch.com”.

This Facebook status led to so many people commenting with encouraging words, sending me texts, etc. because they were so happy that someone, a fellow Christian, was going into areas of our world and culture that so many Christians avoid because they have no idea how to outreach to people of the sex industry. However, to my dismay and discouragement, I had one person who questioned the minsitry. What started off as simple questions seemed to evolve into borderline criticism and judgment of the methods of xxxChurch. After a few very clear and polite responses on Facebook- and everyone still being civil- I asked for the conversation to be continued not on social media as conversations can often be misinterpreted and taken out of context.

Now let me just preface this before I continue. As I was getting the comments via Facebook I was on my iPhone minutes away from boarding my plane to Toronto, where I would not have service and would have only limited wifi [Canada surely needs to work on their wifi]. As I am waiting to hear my standby ticket called, I was, to the best of my ability, trying to respond politely, clearly, and correctly as possible. I am sure I could have done a little bit better of a job.

However, after having reread my comments and the later private message with this person, I found myself to have responded exactly as I tried.  What left me discouraged is that this individual did not let the conversation end via the comments on the status. This person, despite my desire to continue to the conversation later in person, privately messaged me their opinions on the ministry and my beliefs. She continued to throwing questions at me, disregarding my desire to speak later as I was literally about to board my flight. She seemingly got a bit more intense and even borderline bullying in her responses. Now granted, I know this person more as an acquaintance, but we have dialogued on the ministry I have been working with.  She was not at all against me or other Christians going to adult industry conventions or strip clubs to do ministry. She was not against us sharing Jesus with people who’ve often never heard of him loving them. What she had a problem with was that with xxxChurch and the other non-profits I am involved with, is that we rarely get to see major conversions of people coming to know Jesus. We have limited time with people at strip clubs, porn shows, etc. Rather than picketing or judging people and telling them they need to repent [that comes later], we want to send one very clear message: Jesus loves _______. With xxxChurch, we fill the blank in with Porn Stars. Jesus loves people, plain and simple. Once we can tell people that Jesus loves them, if they want to or if we feel God nudging us to go deeper, we then share more of the Gospel.

With these kinds of events, we literally have 30 seconds or less with people. We hand them a Bible and say Jesus loves them. We make a choice- tell the love of a God who wants to redeem and restore them or preach repentance and conversion. This is where the individual from Facebook disagreed. I totally understand what she was saying. Repentance is necessary for being a believer in Christ. We must confess our wrongdoings and sin, believe in Jesus and turn our lives toward Him. Totally get it. Totally believe it.  I felt as though this individual would not listen to me once I said our first priority is not speaking repentance. This was actually not the first time we had discussed this ministry. She always seemed mostly supportive but also somewhat critical. Being critical is not necessary wrong as long one learns that we are just as Bible based, gospel-centered as so many churches, ministries or other non-profits. Our methods may look different, but we do not dumb down or distort the Gospel or need for Christ.

It saddened me that once I got to Toronto and was able to check email and Facebook, I saw that this individual deleted all of her comments from my status, blocked me via Facebook and deleted all other contact from me. This woman is a Christian and it broke my heart that she was [and is] allowing such dissension among believers. We are both the Church- the body of Christ- and yet I feel as though she has written not only me off, but so many other people who have ministry that doesn’t look like hers. I believe her intentions were good, but response and reaction definitely did not show the same.

If you, blocked Facebook friend, read this blog somehow, I want you to understand one thing: I love Jesus, I believe he loves people no matter who they are and what they have done. I believe that Jesus can and will redeem anyone that seeks forgiveness and salvation. There is new life in him. I am sorry if you got offended at my not backing down from your criticism. Forgive me if I was harsh or lacked eloquence or clarity in how I explained the ministry. I am sorry if I offended you and especially if I was wrong about calling you hostile, a bully, or condemning- that was the very reason why I believe these kind of discussions should not take place without being in person. I am sincerely sorry for any offense as that was not my intention. I thank you for being bold enough to want to hold other Christians accountable, but please understand that this ministry is legitimate and true to the Word.  We are Jesus going to Samaria. We are the disciples going to the poor. We are Paul speaking to those with the Unknown god. Please don’t be so quick to shut out ministries that have different methods so long as they preach the same salvation through Jesus.

To other pastors, Christians, ministry leaders who read this: don’t be afraid to take a stand for what is right according to God’s Word, but don’t be too proud to admit if you are wrong, critical, or judgmental of another’s ministry. Be the Church, regardless of denomination, gender, or age. Be Jesus’ loving eyes, smile, arms, hands, and feet. Let God’s Word resonate throughout everything you do, be humble enough if you are wrong, and be steadfast in your beliefs.

Tough Mudder #2

On By MJIn ThoughtsLeave a comment

Its hard to believe that just one year ago I found myself walking through an entrance to a run that frankly made me both anxious and exhilarated. And yet this year I chose the same fate knowing all that I went through last year.

This past Saturday, I ran and completed my second Tough Mudder run in Englishtown, NJ. Honestly, I was so incredibly excited for this year with little nerves working me. I cannot even stress how different my two experiences have been. I spent the bulk of 2012 training for the Mudder last year- lifting weights regularly, running a few miles a few days a week. I even did the full Insanity program by Beach Body the two months leading up to the Mudder. A few times throughout last summer the team I signed up with would do team workouts- we’d run like 4-5 miles, do tons of pushups, squats, run with tires, and practice monkey bars [which I still find it ridiculous that I completely fail when 7 year olds can do them with such ease]. I’m the kind of person that tends to talk trash… like I open my mouth and say something. And because I spoke, I refuse to quit and look like an idiot. That was so me last year. I had signed up for the TM in March and didn’t really start training til April and May. I was excited for it, but a huge part of me was very very nervous. The doubts of my abilities were running so much in my head. My fears of trying an obstacle and getting hurt. Failing and looking stupid. Everything. BUT because I opened my mouth, paid over $100 for it, and committed with a team [of people I didn’t really know], there was no going back. So when I found myself the week leading into the Mudder last year, I had so much anxiety. I was nervous about everything and felt so ill-prepared. And ironically I felt ill. I was actually sick. For days before the Mudder, I was doping up on Nyquil, Dayquil, vitamins, etc. because I still wanted to the Mudder. When race day came, I felt like crap. I managed to push through my slight sickness, full bodily fatigue, and my desire to want to quit basically every second. I was not as prepared as I thought I was. The mental games that the Tough Mudder HQ do are intense and definitely meant to be a challenge all on its own. By the end of the day- our time for the run was 5 1/2 hours, largely because we had a pretty severe injury on our team. I was sore in places I had never felt, bruised everywhere, and literally felt weaker than I had in a long time. Come to find out….my simple cold turned into Bronchitis which turned into pneumonia… for 3 months. It was rough.

And that’s how I started my year.

Just recovering from pneumonia, my friend Danielle and I decided to create our own team for TM13 and try for Englishtown again. Despite my sickness the previous months, there was something in me that was just aching to do it again. To put my body through the challenge again. To train. To run. To lift. Crossing that finish line last year was among the most accomplishing feelings I have ever had… I wanted that again. But when I found myself working out, I was weak. My lungs couldn’t handle much running beyond a mile. So basically through most of the year my training consisted of upper body and legs with little to no cardio.

My feelings going into the Mudder this year were vastly different than last year’s. A huge part of me was just excited for a challenge. To be a part of a group of crazies all over the nation and world who do TM. A smaller part of me was nervous. I was afraid that 1) my previous case of pneumonia was still be able to affect me and 2) I didn’t want to get sick again. Since last year’s Mudder I had put on weight (a bit more than 10 lbs) which made me kind of upset. I wasn’t able to cardio to quickly get rid of it [because of my recovering lungs], and let’s be serious… I hate diets. I’ll eat relatively healthy, but I don’t want to diet completely. I knew the combination of everything I was feeling- negative and positive- were things I just had to work through and deal with. For the second year in a row, there was no turning back. [At the beginning of the year] I paid my $107 entrance for the Tough Mudder 2013, and that was my goal to work towards.

That gets me to last week. I was so hydrated – it was awesome. I was drinking so much water, orange juice, gatorade, and of course coffee while at work (barista life, what can I say), but none of that fatty delicious crap, not right before the Mudder. I was determined to not get sick again. I was determined to do every obstacle without skipping anything or backing down regardless of whatever excuse. Saturday morning I woke up ready. The Tough Mudder may not ever be the hardest thing I do- in fact I doubt it will be greatest challenge.

But I woke up ready. This year the Mudder to me was more than running 12 miles or doing the 20+ obstacles. It was symbolic of my kind of mid-twenties life crisis. Last month I quit my primary job at a church to pursue a job more in line with what I am passionate and skilled in, and of course where I feel the LORD will lead me. So far, I got nothing. I work ridiculously early hours at Starbucks to only exhaust myself and still fail at paying my bills. Just yesterday I decided to terminate my lease and move back in with my parents end of next week. I pretty much don’t have a car- I am driving my sister’s Jeep while she is deployed and in about 2 months I’ll have to figure out how to get myself another form of transportation. I have student debt that is the forever thorn in my side. I am in a crazy place of faith and trust in God believing that I am following what I believe to be His leading. Facing the Mudder this year was my way of control- pushing through, trying [even if failing] every obstacle, and trying not to complain along the way.

This year, my team of 6 completed the Tough Mudder in 4 hours [which is the average- we weren’t going for time so much]. I did not skip any obstacle. Of course there were obstacles that were way more challenging. Let’s be serious… I am five foot nada and those obstacles are designed for the average height of five eight… at least. But I had fun. I grit my teeth on some. I got cut and bruised on others. I had a blast with others. All I know was that this year was just fun. It was exciting. It was motivating. And because of it, I decided I want to run a half-marathon then a marathon while still training for one, maybe two Tough Mudders next year.

The whole time during the Mudder, I couldn’t help but thing of my position in life right now. I am almost 26 and yet I am down to a mediocre job at a coffee shop [though fun, not ideal], not using either of my graduate degrees. I am about to move back in with my parents. My singleness is about as certain as the rising and setting sun- constant.My life is not even close to what I would have pictured. Yet life throws curveballs. It puts obstacles in your way. You can face them or quit. Sometimes you can get around them, but if you choose to face the obstacle in front of you, the character, the determination and strength you get is not something you are born with, but something you get by facing and overcoming difficulty. I don’t know what my immediate future holds… job, housing, relationship, but I know my God is able. He is with me and able to help me overcome anything that comes my way. I can push through. I can hold on and remain steadfast. I can trust that, just like crossing the finish line at the Tough Mudder, twice now, I will feel so accomplished and victorious, not on my own power and will, but by knowing it was He who was working in me along the way.