Month: August 2015

The loudest voice

On By MJIn Biblical Application, Thoughts3 Comments

There is a good chance that I may not know your story…or know the details of your life, what you believe, behaviors you have whether public or private, or the things that have shaped you to be who you are today. I believe life should be lived intentionally and with great purpose. I believe that because of my faith. I also believe that some people can become seriously and painfully misguided by their beliefs.

This is one of those stories.

You see, last weekend I was in Dallas to go to another sexpo. Porn convention. Adult show. Name it what you will, I was there. Arriving in Dallas, I already knew the weekend would be different. It already was. My very arrival was contingent on the spontaneous road trip that I took with strangers I met at Houston airport. The city seemed quite when I arrived at nearly midnight while walking from the train station to my hotel in Downtown. I prayed to myself as I walked, pulling my seemingly overweight bag (I had almost 10 big books in there!). I prayed because I was grateful: the week leading into this Dallas convention I had been at another convention with thousands of pastors, a handful of which were the financial reason I was able to be walking through Downtown Dallas heading to a porn show. I was excited because this was another convention with XXXchurch where I would be able to share my story and the love of Jesus to anyone wanting to hear. Even gazing out my hotel room’s large bay windows at the silhouette of the cityscape, my heart melted. It melted because I know in my heart that Jesus loves me and that he is why I am who I am today, but so many people are stuck living lives of quiet desperation, brokenness, shame, fear, and wandering. My story of redemption- of Jesus changing my heart and my brokenness- is why I feel obligated and compelled to go to conventions like Exxxotica. If one person- ONE PERSON- can see Jesus through me and hear about how much he really loves them and accept that, then every single moment is worth it all.

But sadly, some people share a very different story.

At Exxxotica, we were met with many different voices, voices all telling a different story. Exxxotica itself is an event that highlights and glamorizes the sex industry and those who work it. I have met many industry workers and have gotten to know some closer; they are some genuinely amazing people. I don’t like pornography or what it can and will inevitably do to someone; I believe that it is a painful part of some people’s stories. It was a part of mine which is why I feel I have a voice in this.  Though I don’t like it, I do believe some people genuinely do, including some of those who work as porn stars. I also believe that when you disagree or even know the damages of certain behaviors or lifestyles, usually the loudest and meanest voice is the least received of them all. XXXchurch goes to this shows not “save” anyone from the industry. We don’t go to rescue people from trafficking. We don’t go so we can convert porn stars or producers or consumers. We go because we love Jesus and we believe He truly loves them. We go in love. We go giving out free things like stickers and t-shirts. We smile, we chat, we stand all day, we laugh, and we get to know people’s stories. We don’t yell. We don’t condemn. We don’t judge. That is not our job. Nothing we do or say can or will save someone for Heaven OR condemn someone to Hell. We are not God. We simply share who Jesus is to us and how he loves people.

There was a much louder, crueler voice present. They weren’t a booth. They weren’t a vendor. They were a local church. They were a church that apparently had craft time before showing up to the Kay Bailey Convention Center. Signs were made…and screaming was their choice of presentation.  Instead of preaching of the love of Jesus, redemption, salvation, or anything else, this church purposefully spoke in hate and condemnation. This church had signs that read “God hates fags”, “Homo sex is sin”,  and “Got AIDS yet?”. The kicker of it all was a man, who I believe was the pastor, holding a sign that read “You deserve rape” with the other side reading  “God laughs at your rape”. Tell me, please dear pharisees of that Dallas church, where in the Bible it says such things? Where does God laugh at sorrow or pain? The God you were screaming so violently and cruelly at attenders and workers of this convention is most certainly not the God I serve.

My God is a God of tremendous love. A God who forgives. A God who is unconditional. A God that sacrificed the very thing that brings us new life. He is a God that when we make choices and live our lives to our own pleasing, he draws us to Him and lets us choose to love Him (or not). It is a choice to allow God to work in our lives and transform us. You see, He is an incredibly patient God that will wait for us and never abandon. He will love us and never hurt us. When we hurt, he weeps, because he truly understands sorrow. He doesn’t laugh at our pain, but wants to be our strength especially when we have none. My God- my Jesus- sat with sinners at their tables, the very people that the religious elite thought they were too good or righteous for. Jesus chose to be associated with people who had baggage, made mistakes, had pain, lived questionable lives, had sorrow, had brokenness, and he chose in the midst of all of that to be a voice… calming and loving and redeeming. A voice resonating around the world even still 2,000 years later. A voice that didn’t need to show condemnation, especially when he was the only one actually able to be self-righteous. Jesus loves us as we are but loves us way to much to stay the same. He has a greater story ahead for us. And that story, dear friends, is what we share when we go to sexpos and porn conventions. This is why I share what God has done in my life. I have experienced first hand his grace and mercy and redemption. Instead of shoving religion down people’s throats or in their faces, I want to always offer hope through relationship with Jesus Christ.

The church protesting there may have been the loudest voice, but it was not the truest or holiest.

As always, Jesus loves porn stars. But he also loves the protestors. He equally wants to redeem us all.

 

Standby, 4 strangers, and the highways of Texas

On By MJIn Thoughts2 Comments

My life lately seems to be full of many moments that I can choose to see as awkward or as anointed. I choose the latter.

On Thursday, I arrived to Orlando airport to make my journey to Dallas, Texas. I had just been at the convention center in town to be a part of a large ministry conference for pastors, specifically, it is the General Council of the Assemblies of God. While there, ministers and lay pastors, along with missionaries, get to see what is going on in our fellowship and community both nationally and abroad. It is so inspiring to see some of the amazing things people are doing all over the world. Some of the less fun stuff included sitting in business meetings where we voted on various things that would affect the next steps of our churches and ministries. One of the things I realized during my days in Orlando, and especially on Thursday, is that God has us where we are for a reason.

You see, I have felt somewhat nomadic lately, borderline lost. I haven’t a had a clear picture of what I am doing for a few years now. I have been searching and praying for the next thing God has for me, the thing he has been preparing me for…you know, the thing you were born to do. Applying job after job, receiving rejection after rejection, I have found myself going to General Council with a whole lot of uncertainty, lack of clarity and no direction. Most of the people go to this conference represent their church or ministry, or in missionary’s cases, their mission field. They vote to represent where they work. The whole week is basically surrounded on the premise that we know where we are….except I don’t. I wasn’t voting for my church. I’m not on staff at a church. I’m not a missionary. My job right now has nothing to do with what I want to do; it simply pays my bills (barely).

Then I had a crazy revelation on Thursday after my flight had made it to Houston. I was connecting to get a flight from Houston to Dallas. When I landed, I barely made the time for boarding for my flight. But that wouldn’t have even mattered. You see, part of my nomadic feel of life is that I fly standby. I don’t by tickets; I instead fly standby as a non-revenue passenger because my dad is a retired pilot with the airline. I only get a seat if there is room by unsold seats or no-shows. And on Thursday, there was not a chance that I’d get a seat…all day. I stood there at the gate trying to figure out what to do, knowing flying from Houston to Dallas was not an option anymore. I had to get to Dallas by 9am the next morning. Standing there at the gate among a few dozen other standby passengers (yes dozens!) also in the same boat as me, I silently prayed to myself for God to lead me. In spite of feeling lost in basically every other area of my life, I felt like I couldn’t handle another lost moment of not knowing what to do.

Within a second it seemed that my prayer was answered in the strangest of ways. Two other young women, seemingly around my age, perked up and said “We’re renting a car and driving to Dallas. Want to join us?” Any other people, I probably would have said no to simply for the reason of safety and stupidity. But being that it was two women asking me, I quickly said I’d join them and split the cost. They then asked another woman standing there with us if she’d like to join. What started off as crazy chaos and traveling impossibility turned into a hilarious adventure among four strangers.

We found our way to the rental car desks and decided to play the field for the best price using pilot discounts, AAA, whatever we could do to save money and get a car fast. Within a few minutes we had a rental and were about to be on our way. Before leaving, the rental company decided to upgrade us to a brand new (10 miles on it) black GMC Acadia. Holy comfort! It was such a simple thing, but what a blessing in the midst of insanity. And we were off…four strangers from four very different backgrounds headed to Dallas for four very different reasons. Two of us were pilots’ daughters. Another was a pilot’s wife. The other was an employee’s daughter. I was headed to a porn convention (try that one for an icebreaker!). One girl was going to her Advocare convention. The pilot’s wife was headed to her class reunion. And the other employee’s daughter was going to a job interview. Over the course of our 5ish hours together, we learned each other’s stories. We learned some of the brokenness within our lives. Ultimately what I realized in that car ride is that I was not surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I have always loved hearing people share their story and learning about what got them to where they are now. What was a surprise to me, was that while I felt lost and stuck, God provided a literal way of showing me that he cares for me and has a plan. Sometimes that plan doesn’t look the way we plan. Sometimes that plan comes at a different cost than we were expecting. Sometimes, it involves being around other people, and doing life together, than trying to do it alone. God showed me in such a real way that he has such a deep, deep love for me, along with a love for those three other amazing women I got to know.

You might find yourself in some difficulty, lack of direction, frustration with your life, or an array of other feelings. Believe me, I can sympathize with you. Don’t give up. Try to see God working in the everyday and the normal. See God working in things you would least expect. On the highways of Texas, God showed me he was faithful and still doing something in me.

 

*Vanessa, Danielle and Lizz…It was amazing getting to know you. I believe it was with purpose that God brought us together. What I do know, is that he loves you all very much.**