It’s strange for me. Many times over the past year, even two years, I have gone to write something on my blog. But my words failed me not because they were lacking but I questioned whether or not I had a voice worth listening to or something important to say. It’s not that I’ve doubted myself…not exactly. In the busyness of my career, the added busy of school work for a third degree, a long season of training, the time desire to spend with my husband and other family, and the added complications of various health things (nothing life threatening but definitely inhibiting areas of life). But I also found myself surrounded by those who wanted nothing but to silence anything I had to say. Or those that simply felt nothing of value came from my words. Between life being insanely busy, feelings of uncertainty, and even the unknown direction for my faith as it relates to how to share things…I just kind of went quiet. And I guess you can say that I doubted myself because I allowed way too much influence of others opinions, critiques, and lies spoken about me impact how I lived even off the blog.

And that’s where I’ve found myself. I used to write so much. It was freeing for me. It was therapeutic. But then I chose in the busyness of life to not only not do the thing, or one of the things, that help me process and navigate life, I also chose to silence myself – part of that was being hurt and worried what others had to say. Part of that was trying to have the intentional quiet to sit and reflect and pray.

I’ve spent the better part of a year, even longer, trying to figure out my voice. I’ve spent the time trying navigate not just what to say, but when, to who, and even why. Not all we feel and believe necessarily needs yo be spoken or shared. But sometimes there’s a benefit of doing exactly that. You see, I’ve never wanted just a blog simply for people to read my stuff and give me “likes”. I’ve always wanted to be intentional with my social media. Every post, every picture, every blog to be something that challenges, inspires, and even simply encourages because of what I’ve learned.

As a Christian, I want to be someone who chooses carefully, methodically, and intentionally the words I speak, the things I write, and what I decide to share. While I have no huge platform, I’m a firm believer that every person has some sphere of influence. For me, in my perfect imperfections I have failed greatly many times messing up that sphere of influence- with friends, with family, with coworkers, and even with strangers. But I also think it’s significant to recognize the areas of weakness and strive to overcome. To choose to stand when you’ve failed greatly. Influence doesn’t just need to be negative either. Influence is the impact you have around you. You get to choose what that impact looks like. Encourage, inspire, stop gossip, and be kind. I sat in a season of allowing my sphere of influence to be stagnant on here and even in some other areas as I figured out to wear the many hats I wear all the while bringing something positive. There was some fear of what others might think. But a huge part was simply avoiding saying or doing much because I didn’t know how to let my voice through again. I chose silence.

After allowing myself to process, pray, even fast, on how and when and where to speak, I feel a renewed desire to share and speak.

My encouragement to you is to silence yourself when needed, because sometimes we can all learn a little peace in the quiet. But don’t be too quick to silence yourself or others if you have not prayed through what God is desiring of you. Pray for the voice that comes from you is one that honors Him.