Frustrated and torn, I am learning to give up so much. The biggest struggle at this moment in my life is not trusting God with finances, though important, and not trusting that God will guide me. My biggest struggle right now is dealing with fellow Christians around me. God has been beckoning my heart to go much deeper in my relationship with him. He has been challenging me to choose to serve him and his purpose more than my desires. But it is so hard to try to passionately pursue Christ, when all those Christians around me serve him at a very superficial level. I don’t mean this in a judging way, but I do mean it as a concerned friend. Honestly, it is just draining. So many Christians- my friends- at home and in Florida, love God but their actions show not much more than that. Granted, conviction is not the same with everyone. What may be a struggle or temptation for one person may not be an issue at all to another. But my question is about the attitude. Just because you don’t struggle with something, does that mean it still is something you should do [wear, say, act, etc.]? I have become so disappointed and even discouraged by my friends. Language is something that few of my friends care about. Gossip is the very poison that is destroying these friends, and worse, they don’t care or notice. They simply talk about who they think is gay, who is supposedly sleeping with who, or whatever the latest drama is at the time. And what about modesty? Modesty in dress is very important to me. I know this is an area that will always be controversial. I don’t really care. I believe modesty, in dress specifically, must be a part of the Christian’s life. I’m not saying turtlenecks are required, but at least the decency to recognize and ask why we dress the way we do. What response are we wanting really? And specifically for girls, why do we get so offended when someone takes notice of our bodies, if we have it showing like a buffet?

And now I have friends that have no conviction about their behavior. Is it really okay to play power hour and then wake up the next day naked and no knowledge of how the night played out? Is that really the life you want to live? Do you really want to hook up with someone just because you can? For me that is just ridiculous and irresponsible. If, as believers in Christ, we live as a temple of the Spirit, should not our behaviors reflect that spirit living within us? I believe it should.  So why would I want to have drunken nights of nonsense, remembering nothing but the morning after? Why would I want to smoke weed, cigarettes, or even hookah? The body is not being respected, thus I believe not respecting God. The same thing goes for eating right and exercising. Granted, I am still working on being better in shape, but my point overall is that if we truly believe that God lives within us, then why do we behave otherwise?

I am sick of this lack of conviction by Christians. This is specific to the Church. I am sick of these Christians that lack the conviction and compromise the Word with their actions. And I am sick of the excuses. We wonder why the world views the Church as hypocritical or judgment. Our words and actions with the Word do not match up. How can we expect those we try to reach to change if we aren’t even giving them the slightest glimpse of God in our lives? If you’re not hearing God, are you actually seeking? If you’re not changing, are you really trying? I am so drained. I am so drained being around these Christians. I know I am not perfect or anywhere near it. But I at least try. I know this is a long tangent of me venting, but I really needed to let it out. I am sick of trying to hide what I believe and why I believe it, especially with Christians. I understand that not all of my convictions will be held by all Christians, but I at least want to be respected by it. I at least recognize the truth that I am not my own. I am God’s and I want Christ to dwell within me. I want Christ to be reflected out of my life.

|Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive.| -1 Corinthians 10:23