I have been convicted deep in the core of my heart. So many times in Scripture, the call to holiness and purity and living a blameless life resonates, only not in me.

I am NOT holy, pure, blameless, or even close to the mark.

These attributes need to be at the core of anyone who claims to love Jesus Christ and want to honor him. The lifestyle, entirely, must encompass these traits. At times I know that I am a complete failure. I act brashly, not in love. Other times words and conversations come forth from my lips that do not please my God. And still other times, I most certainly earn blame. This is not so much a post about something profound, but instead confessions deep within my heart that I know I fail at fully serving God. I try to so much to honor him with my life. I try to live in purity which is something that far exceeds being modest or not having sex. I try to live a lifestyle that no one can question, especially non-believers, those that are not in the faith. My lifestyle must try to resemble Christ as much as humanly possible. Yet I know often, I not only fail, but fall hard.

I need to still try. I need to continually get back on my feet when I fall. My love for God is the most important and precious thing in my life. If I want to maintain him as priority in my life, serving him and loving others, I must, without compromise, live in purity, holiness, and blamelessness before men and God. It is necessary. I finally have come to terms with the fact that I am, and most likely will be, the odd man out. I don’t drink or smoke [not saying either are sinful, but something to consider as a behavior I prefer not to take part in]. I try to avoid gossip and coarse joking. I even try to limit sarcasm… and I love sarcasm. Sometimes it can be fun and even healthy for all involved, but other times, it is simply too much and too tearing down of the other person. I try to completely avoid movies that are purely sexual in nature. I try to be cautious of my behaviors with guys and girls, alike, as to not bring questions to my actions. Ultimately these convictions are based on the idea that I want to serve God with my all. Nothing less. I put restraints on my life as to avoid falling into temptations that I am certain I would fall. I know that, without him, I would be a mess. I know that, if it weren’t for this conviction that, I believe, God has placed so deeply in my heart, my life would be very different, and probably include partying, among other things. Yet, by his grace, I am here with conviction at my core. It looks different for others. But I know that I want to, with the best intentions, honor God with my lifestyle pure, holy and blameless.

Knowing this, I still fail and fall short, missing the perfection that I seek. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. If I truly desire for God to be my core- his desires, his will, his heart- then I need to live a life of honor, integrity, and conviction on the basis on the calling to be pure, holy and blameless.