Its no secret that this year has been one of difficulty. Anyone who knows me, knows that the past year has been one of struggle, brokenness, difficulty, crushed dreams, lost hopes, transition, confusion and wandering. A little more than a year ago, I resigned from a position at a church. Since then, it seems, my life offers no stability or peace. I had written a post about prayer faith– facing the difficulty before me- and tonight I reflected on it once more.
Life is messy. Very messy at times. Bad things happen. Terrible things happen. I have learned over the past year that patience is definitely not a virtue I hold well. Control is not something I release easily. Yet, over this past year, I feel the security and comfort I’ve had for years has been unsteady. When I wrote my post Prayer Faith, I spoke of reading a devotional called Draw the Circle. I think its time I read it again. When I read it, it changed me, not because the book holds any power, but because the God who I love- who I pray to – does. RIght now, my life is very messy and I desperately need Him.
For three months I have been job searching. My desire is to be in a place where I can work for the freedom of those held captive, literally, in the slave trade around the world. To free the slaves. Rescue the broken. Bring restoration. Everyone needs a shot at redemption, and I want people to know that God- my God- is able. But in my search of jobs, I have looked in faith-based, non-profits, NGO’s and federal, and to my continued disappointment, I have received only one job interview, dozens of rejections, and no promises of a future. For three months I have gone to work dealing with customers that, especially as of late, treat me like garbage. For three months, I have given all my effort and used all my connections to try to see God’s leading for my life and find the right job. Nothing. Only disappointment and frustration. This is my mountain.
Since June, my family has had added stress and struggle. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and, frankly, its pretty serious. Our lives are now different and we are living a new normal. We don’t know what will happen or how this will continue to affect both my dad and the family. He’s had a stem cell transplant, blood transfusions, all kinds of shots, steroids, chemo and plenty more. He’s a fighter. But things are uncertain. Let me say that this is our mountain.
I have had conversations with friends and coworkers lately. These conversations speak of the difficulty they face. The heartache. The brokenness and pain. The uncertainty. Bad things. Difficult things. Painful things. Unknown things. They all have mountains too.
And that is when I was reminded of my post about faith just a year ago. When I thought I was facing hardships, I was really being prepared for a very hard year ahead. Though this year has been one of mixed emotions and difficulty, pain, frustration, and even annoyance, I am convinced of faith even more. Though I remember this year as a lot of bad and a lot of uncertainty, I haven’t stopped believing. I believe in God and I believe God… he is for me. He loves me. He DOES have something planned. Timing is important. The lessons I have learned through the past 14-15 months have been so hard and painful, but they will be useful for my future. Right now it seems like I am facing a mountain. A big mountain. I don’t see the other side. I don’t see the beauty all the time. If I believe God and what he says, then I can face my mountain and what’s ahead. He will be my strength. He will be what not only gets me through, but what helps me overcome.
Whether its a job, a relationship, health, a marriage, family, finances, or something else, I know you have a mountain- something before you that you see as an impossibility or a major difficulty that you can’t seem to overcome, He is able to make it possible, to make a way for you, to give victory, to bring freedom, to give redemption, and to bring you over that mountain. Its never too late. He is doing a new thing in my life and I can definitely see it. I may not- no I definitely do not- have the whole picture, but I know he is doing something. Its undeniable. He has gotten me through this year and I am stronger because of Him, because he is my strength. Don’t give up on that mountain in front of you. Don’t quit because its hard. Don’t forfeit what can be something beautiful ahead. There’s more in you. There’s more in Him.