This all starts with me.

I have to say, I have thought and prayed long and hard about writing this and expressing the brokenness upon my heart tonight. Like anything I post, I want to post my thoughts, convictions and opinions but with grace, love and compassion. But tonight, I find it so very difficult to do just that…write my thoughts and opinions without the risk of being judged, condemned, or considered hateful. Please know, as you read this, I am broken as I write and all I ask is that you offer me grace and love and I try to offer.

Ferguson. Mike Brown. Eric Garner. Those are just a few of the names being mentioned in the news and all forms of social media. You probably know them. If you don’t, you should probably get informed on what is happening. My heart is so deeply broken tonight by the news, social media, protests, killings, deaths, and looting. This is not right. All of it, its just not right. Ferguson matters. The people of Ferguson matters. Women and men in uniform matter. Black lives matter. White lives matter. Every ethnicity in the world matters. The deaths of both Mike Brown and Eric Garner matter. The protests and the looting matter. None of this started at Ferguson. None of this started during the Civil Right’s movement with Dr. King. None of this started during slavery.

It started a very long time ago when Man decided to do their own thing. Sin…the very thing that is innate in each of us. Sin is the thing that creates entitlement. It births prides and raises hate. Judgment. Anger. Hate. Rape. Murder. Racism. Prejudices. Biogtry. Adultery. Lying. Gossip. It all comes from the same place. In our core, we can be very bad people simple because we are people. But at the same time we are offered something so incredibly beautiful and challenging through Jesus Christ. Without his love transforming our hearts and minds, we can and will hurt others by our sin. We just might sin differently than others. We may wound or injure others differently than someone else. But we will inevitably hurt, wound, injure someone. That’s why this news about Ferguson and NYC and the deaths of two black men just breaks my heart. It breaks the heart of Jesus.

He lets us CHOOSE to love him which means we can choose to hate him and live opposing to his love.

I was not at Ferguson or NYC. I do not know any of the officers, Brown or Garner, but I know me. And in knowing me, I know I am flawed. I judge others. I criticize immensely. I hurt and deeply wound. I don’t always control my tongue and therefore gossip and maybe even slander. I make quick, often uneducated judgments of others. I don’t know what happened for real in either case therefore I will not make an opinion on the Grand Jury verdicts or state whether police were right and the victims were wrong. I will say that I understand how flawed and broken we all are and how if we have learned anything from the recent events in the news, we should be able to recognize this brokenness. Its not about being black or white. Its not about being from lower income or lacking education. Its not about coming from money. Its not about being a cop. Its not about guilt or innocence.

Simply put…we are all guilty…of something. And that is exactly why we need Jesus. It is why I desperately, earnestly know I need Jesus. Without him, I could very easily become victim to my own demise. Without him, I could very easily throw judgment at either party knowing for sure what really happened. Without him, I could sling hate toward one side over another. Without him, oh there are so many things I could do, be, say. But because I have him- Jesus Christ- as the redemption for my life, I choose recognize that what is happening regarding Ferguson and NYC are just part of a bigger story of the broken world we live in and a need for a savior. Because Jesus redeemed me from my sin, shame, and brokenness, I firmly believe Ferguson can be redeemed. Yes, things are lost, and some things won’t change. But I can try. You can try. We can together try to understand. To love. To stop hating. To stop looting. Stop judging. And if, only then, we can possibly see healing and restoration.

I challenge you, whatever side- if on a side- you find yourself tonight, I ask that you try, for a moment, to understand the perspective of the other. I ask that the looting and vandalism stops. I ask that both sides stop slandering, hating, judging, and start seeing how this all can be changed. It won’t be easy. It will take effort for all of us. Whites don’t understand the struggle  and history of the black community. Simply put…I really don’t understand but I want to. I want to try to understand, so be honest and talk to me. I want you to understand that not all whites are bad. I do not hate you, so please don’t hate me. I want the cops to understand that not every black person is a criminal- some are, but many are not. I want blacks to understand that most cops actually care about justice and aren’t in it for killing. If you haven’t been in a situation like these, please hold your judgments and outrage a little and instead pray to understand.

Pray that you might love others that you don’t understand. Pray that you might help those who can’t help you. Pray that you might love others who may never care about you. Pray that you might bridge this gap of brokenness. Pray for yourself, that you might be redeemed. All of this that is happening right now…its start with me. It starts with you. Until we can each work through out our own hate, prejudices, judgments, misunderstandings, and sin, we cannot and will not be able to really help others. Jesus, oh my sweet Jesus… he is the answer and he waiting for you to reach out to him. He knows this is a mess. He knows you and your struggle. And he wants to redeem.

One thought on “This all starts with me.

  1. Pingback: Vengeance is not mine. | beyond the mundane

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