"That's it?"

Recently I had a conversation with someone. It began seriously when they told me they had something they wanted to tell me. It was clear that what they wanted to tell me came at great difficulty for them, yet they still shared their news with me.

Sparing the details of that conversation, I want to focus on my response and afterthought. “That’s it?” was all I could really think. What they told me was big and it was serious and of great importance. But even now thinking of that conversation, I think of the question “that’s it?” that has been floating in my head.

Each of us have something in our lives that we regret or feel ashamed of or weigh heavy in guilt. I absolutely know I do. I think most people who have read my blog or book know I am a pretty open and honest person. Most people who talk to me, at some point, learn that almost anything is on the table for conversation. For years, my greatest shame, regret and guilt were my years of porn addiction that I held secretly. My addiction was my darkness. My shame. For years I was afraid for people to learn that secret for fear of being seen at my worst. The shame was so heavy it was almost unbearable. Even almost a decade and half later, with freedom ringing in my life through Jesus, I still have moments where I wish my story looked different. Fast forward to the last guy I dated before I met my husband. Man, sometimes do I wish that my relationship with that guy never existed. It was a relationship that nearly compromised everything I stood for and believed in and one where I found myself listening to lies disguised as truths. And it took months to recover from, not because the relationship being over broke me but because I was so sad for breaking God’s heart. I felt like I massively disappointed him.

But that is the amazing thing about God’s love for us. Our biggest mistakes, our worst failures, our most shameful decisions, our moments of greatest regret do not shake God or waiver his love. And that brings me back to my response to the conversation I had: “that’s it?”. If you have something weighing you down, something that you have carried the heavy burden of sin and shame, regret and guilt, I pray you release that before God. He can bring a freedom that can absolutely change the trajectory of your life. Shame is not something that comes from God. I pray you understand that God’s response to you is “that’s it?” not because the things we have done in our past or present aren’t important or do not have actual consequences, but because our greatest sin, shame, guilt, or regret is so small in comparison to God’s redeeming love. Nothing you have done or could ever do would change his love for you.

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