I cannot even begin to express how much this song has become my anthem. If you haven’t heard it take a moment and listen to the link I posted. Its a cover of my friend singing 10,000 Reasons…

I feel as though I am in a place where my faith is surely being stretched and, many times, my flesh wanting to quit. This has become an often reoccurring feeling. To just be done… with all of it. I know in the grand scheme of things looking at the problems other people have, I still have it pretty good- but that does not negate the difficulty I am facing. For the past two months specifically I cannot even begin to tell you how badly my finances have become because of mis-charges on my account, extra charging of my account, increase of ALL of my loan payments, etc. Yeah not huge things that will ruin my life, but it sure as heck does not make anything close to being easy. I pay my tithe… loans go up by several hundred dollars a month. I donate money to missions… PSE&G over charges my account by a few hundred dollars. I go on a mission trip to outreach to the sex industry…a certain AC casino falsely charged my account of over $500. This has all been in just the past month.

In fact I have had to really trust God. It goes beyond my finances.

The continued thorn in my side with my right foot and ankle is back again for another chapter in its own saga. With being on my feet all day practically everyday at Starbucks, my foot and ankle swell, not unlike a full term pregnant woman or that of someone obese. But just my right foot and ankle. Its uncomfortable. It hurts. I’m stuck with it. Not to mention the residual effects of having had pneumonia for 2 months and I guess my body still fighting something.

My sister is deployed to the Middle East. Yeah, I am so incredible proud of her. I am honored to have her as my sister. I believe in what she is doing, even if it may not be the popular vote. But I cannot separate the fact that we lost a friend in Afghanistan last year. He was KIA after saving his men from Taliban fire. Though I want to believe that she will return home safely, in one piece, the same as she left, I know that there is always the possibility of something else. A different ending to the story. I pray for her every single day praying that God protects her yet at the same time he being glorified.

But this is not just about me. The story is so much bigger than me.  Last week tornadoes struck Moore, OK killing many and devastating the region. People are homeless, jobless, school-less. A woman at church needs a kidney transplant. My friend in Korea is having a really difficult time because both her mom and aunt, both of which live in the USA, have cancer and she can’t say goodbye. Somewhere in the world, near and far, people are without: shoes, clothes, food, warmth, water. Somewhere people make the sacrifice of which kid gets to eat. Somewhere a difficult decision is being made to take someone off life support. Somewhere someone’s marriage is ending.

You see, no matter who you are, your problems will look different than my problems. Whether they are caused by natural disaster, personal [bad] choices,  someone else’s choices, or just humanity in general, we each have them. The difference is the response we can give when these things happen. When things are not going our way. When things are so difficult we want to quit. When things are so hard, we just want life to stop. When things are so far from being understood we want to blame and yell and be angry.

When David, the king of Israel, wrote Psalm 103, the inspiration for the song, he wrote it most likely at the end of his life when things hadn’t gone so well. Many times because of sin and selfishness or simple neglect, David had to get through and overcome difficulty. Other times, David had to fight for victory, flee for his life, and only rely on his trust in the Lord to get him through the struggle. By writing “Bless the Lord oh my soul” he was saying that because despite anything he had gone through, regardless the reason, he could worship the Lord and believe that God was with him. He was not forgotten. It didn’t mean he understood reasons for why things happen the way they do, but it meant that no matter what… he would still worship God.

Yeah… this is my anthem.

Godly heritage of America is not something a lot of people in this nation think about anymore. In fact it is actually discouraged. And frankly, my heart is heavy by that truth. America, with all of its flawed glory, was launched into concept when a group of people realized they wanted freedom to worship and pray how they wanted. But it was more than just worship. To the Founders of our nation, it was for freedom… period. From tyranny, from a king thousands of miles away, from injustice, and more. Yes, believe me, I well understand that though that was the intention America is full of a blood stained past of its own assortment of problems. But the concept of the Founding Fathers amaze me. Their courage to believe boldly, for most of them, in the Word of God, pray publicly, pray corporately, and stand firm that they were a nation that was not going to compromise the truth of God in their lives. Separation of Church and State did not exist. It was not and never was intended to become a concept. God was central in the founding of this nation. That truth is dripping from the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Amendments.

I would give anything to have experienced that just for a moment. To live in a nation where the government often was centered on the question “What does God’s heart have to say about this?” or to live in that time where the first Congress gathered and began with a convocation of prayer because they knew that laws and government and military needed God in the midst of it. Faith in God founded this nation. Belief in God led the emancipation of slavery. It was foundational in bringing literacy to the grasp of all people simply by giving people Bibles and helping them learn how to read from it’s pages. It was faith that recognized in the early 1900’s that though slavery didn’t exist, mistreatment of blacks was still a very brutal and yet justified behavior by many. Yes, not every single Christian wanted integration and equality for blacks but that does not mean that was God’s heart. My point is that faith and belief in God has been a foundational movement for momentum in America.

I will say this- I don’t think the Founders necessarily meant for the nation to be a “Christian” nation- but one that definitely had a lot to do with God. They lived in an era where everyday life wasn’t meant to be separated from God. Yes they each were flawed with their own sin and struggles. I’m sure there were plenty of drunks, adulterers and slanderers in the midst of the Founders of America. But I will say this…they knew that despite their issues they needed God. And now we live in America that regards God as barely even an option. Justification for abortion, revoking the right to bear arms [which was significant when that Amendment was made], justification for passivity on other injustices around the world. I firmly believe that if we are able to help others, then why not? I am not bashing our government in any way. In fact, I still maintain that I am a true patriot.

But I will say this: I am a believer and follower of Christ LONG before I will say I am an American. Everything I say and do needs to reflect my relationship with the LORD above all else. I admire the Founders because when they fought for the freedom of America, they kept God central in the argument for justice and freedom and liberty. I admire their fervor and passion. I feel as though the America of today is missing something. We are trying so hard to make everyone happy that in reality few really are. Being tolerant of everything and anything was never the intention of the Founders and yet that has become our anthem. Yes injustices and equality to an extent needs to happen. But the government was never designed to tell the Church that they can or cannot worship in a certain way, location or method UNLESS it physically harmed others. The principles of Christianity were brought into government originally for the sake that even if you did not believe them you could not deny that the concepts were good [i.e. not allowing murder, stealing, adultery, etc.]. This is not a blog about America being bad, condemning our government, etc. I know that enough Christians do that already without adding to the list. Simply, I am saying that as a believer in Christ, I believe our nation started with a good focus on the LORD and that focus has since disappeared.

My challenge in this is simply for Christians to serve Christ first. Before criticizing, judging, condemning, or cursing our government and leaders do what I believe many of the Founders did and really want Christians have done throughout the past 2,000 years when they see some form of injustice, compromise or  anything in between…they went back to the basics and prayed. They got on their knees, they wept, they prayed- publicly and privately, and they have changed history to once again recognize their God and make him central in every aspect of life, including government. That meant removing their own crap and allowing God to use them for His glory not their own. If we even dream about having a godly nation, a nation founded on the Word, it starts right in your own heart.

I have to say…Dove gets it. Dove, the beauty product line gets it. They understand that women especially are severe on their own image more than others.  I will quickly point out that they are still a flawed company and have their own issues [as they are owned by the same company that owns Axe, Lever 2000, etc.] and I am simply focusing on this ad. Look at the array of beauty products and self-enhancers. Wear this [insert type of makeup] and look more beautiful than ever. Use [insert hair product] and your hair will be better! It goes as far as encouraging injections, cosmetic surgeries, expensive beauty treatments all with the hope that you’ll look better which will of course make you feel better.  The problem is women can use all the variety of products they want but they will still be dissatisfied if they don’t know how to view their self without the products. Add to the fact that if women think of their body has even slightest overweight, they will try various dietary supplements, try every diet, have an eating disorder, etc. If women don’t feel great about themselves before the product, what makes those companies think they will feel better after? This is where Dove has it right. They get it. They get that women struggle with appearance and self-esteem. Yes, of course its marketing for their company, but hey it worked for me simply because I support what they are doing… helping women realize they are already beautiful.

Whatever your race, background, height, weight, hair color, eye color, shape of face, or anything else… we are all beautiful. I’ve actually said this for years. Try to find the beauty in everyone, even men. Why? We are ALL create in the Image of God which means part of that beauty is within each of us. Who decides if someone is attractive or not? Beautiful or not? Handsome or not? If we all try to see the beauty in others, we’ll see the beauty in ourselves. If we begin to see the beauty in our ourselves, we’ll see the beauty in others. When we stop being so critical of fitting a mold of supposed human perfection, than we can begin to see beauty for what it is. Check out this video made by Dove, called “Real Beauty Sketches”

Dove.

I will chime in for one minute about what it means to be healthy. I believe everyone is beautiful to a degree, however, not everyone is healthy. I think it is very important to not confuse the two nor forget about health. Being healthy means not eating crap all the time, taking care of you body [which again includes the food/drinks/vitamins/etc you put into your body] and having exercise as a staple of your week, if not day. I’m not saying everyone needs to be marathon runners, body builders or look like supermodels. I am saying we each need to take care of bodies, eat better [let’s be serious… almost all of us can improve on this], and have some bit of regular physical fitness. We wonder why we are tired all the time, feel crappy, have acne, or are overweight. There you go…food for thought [not to eat]

Know you are beautiful. You were made in the image of God. BUT we should care about our bodies a little bit more that what we do. Let’s not worry about vanity so much. Yes, you can wear makeup and cute clothes and not be vain. You can work out and not be vain. Its perfectly fine to want to get dressed up and look fancy and FEEL beautiful, but always remember that you already are beautiful. Its also important to care about the health of said body. A huge part of feeling beautiful comes from not liking your physical body because you might be overweight. I don’t mean to sound harsh or inconsiderate, but rather than have a pity party about feeling fat [and maybe actually being overweight] go to the gym and develop a plan. When I first starting working out a few years ago- like going to a gym on a regular basis working out- I actually started to feel better. My body was actually getting healthier and I physically felt better. Don’t neglect that aspect of yourself, BUT never EVER EVER forget that you are beautiful. You are beautiful, way more than you think you are.

So its been quite an interesting past few months and I haven’t written anything.  I have had so many ideas, inspirations, Biblical applications, etc. and yet I just find myself purely exhausted. I want to write yet I don’t. I want to share my thoughts then I don’t. Simply, I’m just tired. And I’m sick of being tired. Four months ago I had pneumonia and since I have not fully recovered. I have not been able to catch my breath at times. That goes for physically but also metaphorically. My workouts have been, well, crap. Despite my efforts to run multiple 5k races, train for my second Tough Mudder, and maybe even start training for a marathon, my body is fighting me.  In fact, I have even gained an unpleasant amount of weight since my Tough Mudder… aka when I got pneumonia and stopped working out for 3 months [and eating like crazy].  On top of my health issues, I have had some busyness elsewhere with the church, friends and family visiting, special events, and more. I moved into an apartment, my first completely alone. Even with these others events and people being in town, I still could have been pushing myself more, ya know because we always need to be busy doing something.

But I find myself now, five months since my Tough Mudder and the initial pneumonia, and I have had a ton of time to reflect. I mean really reflect, pray, and think about things. Let’s just call it a sabbatical of a sort. During this time of less busyness than usual, moving into my first solo apartment, and being sick where often I’m in bed earlier than normal… God has done so much. He has proved to be faithful. He has proved to be intentional, timely in his way [not necessarily mine], and faithful.  I realized today such a simple yet profound lesson. Spring definitely has arrived. As I sat outside of  my church today in a t-shirt and shorts with a blanket, my Bible, a journal, worship music and the warm sun beaming down… He is a good God and I don’t just rest in Him enough.  I have been forced to relax more with my sickness but even in that I haven’t been entirely resting in Him.

Rest.
Breathe.
Relax.

Sometimes we need to just sit in His presence. We don’t need to be doing anything profound. We don’t need to be busy. We don’t need to be figuring out how to save the world or preach the best sermon. We need to learn to just love Him and let that overflow into our lives. No wonder we get so physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally drained… we don’t have enough of Him in our lives! We get so caught up and distracted with ministry  family, school, friends, church, arguing about the Church, ranting about politics, ranting about the government, worrying about money, worrying about relationships that we completely forget to invite God to be in our lives at all or even a little. We can’t fit Him in our schedules. Whatever excuses we can come up with are never good enough.

He just wants to spend time with you alone. He wants you to rest in Him. If we believe, that the sun can brighten our day because it is now springtime, why can’t we let Him brighten our spirits? He can give us strength. He can give us courage to face the difficulty and the ability to overcome. He can provide for you, but sometimes we don’t have faith in Him. A lot of the problems we, as the collective Church, have aren’t necessarily going to cease but we can at least go through them, overcome them, have joy in them, and strength in them if we just let him have more of us. Intimacy. Faithfulness. Love. We all love receiving good things from Him, but often we fail to give him even a portion of our day, portion of our heart, soul, mind or strength. And in that we find ourselves weak, frail, weary Christians struggling to make it through the day. Stop being so busy. Stop trying to work hard enough to please yourself or Him. Stop trying to do things your way. For a moment, just rest. Relax in Him. Maybe pick up the Bible. Listen to worship music. Take a walk and talk to Him out loud. Just find a place for you and God to be together.

As I was reading the Bible today, from Numbers specifically, I came across something rather simple yet found myself getting (figuratively) slapped in the face.  The phrase “broken faith” kept coming up in my reading. In my observance of this, I decided to check out ol’ Google and see what it has to say about it. BAM! Slapped in the face…

Broken faith: 
be disloyal, betray, be unfaithful to, untrue to (spouse)

From what I found out Every. Single. Time. the phrase “broken faith” appears in the Bible it is referring to the breaking of a relationship between man and wife OR Man’s relationships to God. There has to be something significant in that statement. In context, this phrase isn’t referring to friendships having problems, bosses having problems with employees, or anything else except for two distinct relationships. It is especially significant that the phrase isn’t ONLY used with Man’s relationship to God or ONLY used with the relationship between husband and wife.

The reality is that there is something powerful, strong, beautiful, and covenantal about those two relationships above all other relationships in someone’s life. The depth and intimacy that come with marriage is absolutely the most communal and important relationship between man and wife. However, many people today don’t value marriage. They don’t value the vow taken at the altar or the commitment to remain true and honest and pure with their spouse… until death do us part. I’m not saying any of this as a bash of those who have marital problems, been divorced, or those that aren’t even married. Heck, I’m not even married. All I am trying to do is show that in God’s word- the Bible- marriage is the most valuable relationship on earth because it mirrors our relationship to God. When we can learn to be honorable, pure, respecting, committed, honest, forgiving, (and the list goes on…) with our spouse we get a glimpse of His love for us. We can see the magnitude of the brokenness that comes with broken vows, betrayal, unfaithfulness, hurt…we get a glimpse of God’s heart for us in our betrayal of him.

Most Christians probably do not look at their lives as a betrayal to God. But the truth is that we all are capable and probably have been unfaithful to God. He hurts for us. He longs for us. He forgives us. The two relationships are to be mirrored. In marriages, we can mirror the love- enduring, passionate, powerful, forgiving love- that God has for us.  Christians and the Church NEED to place marriage on a higher level of importance and beauty because well…many people don’t care as much. The world is fine with divorce, is fine with perversion, is fine with “falling out of love”, and many are even becoming fine with infidelity. God is not. God longs for his love to be revealed in marriages all over. He longs to be exalted and honored through the marriages of Godly people, to where the world can see that there is something significant, beautiful, and powerful such a marriage. He longs to restore broken relationships. He longs to restore broken people.

I know this is nothing profound today, but something that really struck me as I read.  Whenever I get married, I want to believe that it is possible to have a marriage that reflects the heart and love of God. One that forgives. One that has compassion. One of redemption. One that lasts, not because it is perfect but because Grace is central. I want a Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, love and forgiveness filled marriage. With effort, I believe its possible. I want a man so in love with Jesus that it is undeniable, alluring, breathtaking, and challenging. I want his love for Him to overflow and show throughout all of his life. I believe it is possible to have a marriage that is healthy when it is Christ-centric. This is the marriage that I want.

I also believe that the broken faith…the one about your relationship to God, can be absolutely restored. Maybe you’ve never cared about God or relationship with him. Maybe you have grown up in church. Maybe you walked away from having any faith at all. I can promise you this: the love I know I have through relationship in Jesus Christ is one that has changed my life. I am redeemed. I am restored. I am new. I am different. That broken faith is no more.