three months have flown by since i first got home for the summer. i have such mixed emotions about this summer and about leaving. its hard. i am at a place in my life where i have never been happier. God has been so great. i have some of the best friends i could ask for…its a blessing really because i don’t deserve them. i am finally seeing my church in a state of hunger and thirst for God, after years of it being dead. i finally know what it feels like to have a boyfriend- now five months into it, i am so thankful. over the years i was angry a lot because i was never chosen or asked out by guys. finally i have an incredible guy, without him i wouldnt be this happy. its a surreal feeling. but next week it all changes. i am going back to florida for the third year to devote all my time an energy into my jobs and school…really not much else. i have to leave my church that i love, my friends that i adore, and my boyfriend that i can’t stop thinking about. i know its part of the college life and its only for a time.
but its a weird feeling. two years ago i hated being home. i hated everything about and i never cared to come back. i was bitter and angry about a lot. in two years God has really shown me a lot. i appreciate everything and everyone so much more now. God has taught me a lot about his plan. now two years later, though i love my school and my friends there, i love being here. its the simple things now that i am scared to give up. i am simply scared about everything. i am going to be a leader at school this following year. its crucial that i let God lead me in everything at all times. i am scared that distance will cause problems with my boyfriend back home. i am scared that my friends back home will forget about me in the midst of their schedules and planning of their lives- theirs weddings, their futures. i am scared because i graduate college soon and still need so much direction for my life. i am scared that i am unready about a lot. fear is everything right now for me.