Who am I, that I should doubt?

In my attempt at utter honesty, I have to be transparent. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes things happen that do not in any way go as planned. Sometimes we get hurt. Sometimes we are heartbroken. Sometimes we are just broken. Pain is inevitable. But often with pain comes great change- need for change. And as I sit here contemplating the confusing mess of my life right now, all I can do is rest in a promise, a single promise that my God is doing something. He has not and will not abandon me. He has reason for everything. And when we hurt, he hurts. We rarely, if ever, in a moment of pain and sorrow, heartbreak and brokenness, or disappointment and failure, understand what the heck is going on. Most times when things happen to me, whether by mistake or someone else’s I eventually come to peace because I am reconciled to the fact that God is for me not against me. So that is me now. Trusting. Believing. Hoping. Knowing. Regardless of the situations I face that I just don’t get, I know God will work his Glory into it. Ultimately, every time I have chosen God’s path for my life, I have been overcome with joy [not happiness- there is quite a difference]. Every time I choose his way, there is victory- it may take time to see it, but God’s plans have never failed. Only my own have. Only my way has led me astray. So who am I that I should doubt my God who yet to fail me? I have to hold onto his steadfast love.

Below is a passage from Job, a book in the Bible. It is lengthy but with great purpose. The background of Job was that he was a man so in love with God that he was willing to trust God in all things. His children were all killed. Then his house destroyed. His cattle, land, everything of value laid in ruin. His health was greatly weakened, though just enough strength to barely keep him alive. His friends mocked him. His wife belittled him. And for what? He trusted God. No one could understand why he didn’t just give up and move on. There was no hope. Right? Wrong. Later on God restored everything, and more than Job could have imagined. He was faithful to God no matter what. Mind you my situation is nowhere near devastating. Not in the least. But my point is that the passage below speaks to the human doubt. The heart of every human asks, at some point, the question “why?” and yet we rarely like, wait for, or understand the answer. But God has so much more. Things may be confusing, hazy and even hurt, but in the end I have no reason to doubt what God is doing. Much more lies ahead. Read this passage, and again if necessary.

[God speaking to Job found in Job 38-39]
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements- surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid is cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together? Or who shut the sea with doors when it burst from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band and prescribed limits for it and set its bars and doors, and said ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther and here shall your proud waves be stayed’? Have you commanded the morning stars since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place? …Can you send forth lightning? …Is it by your understanding the hawk soars and spreads its wings toward the south?… Shall a faultfinder contend the Almighty? He who argues let him answer it.”

Talk about humbling. I cannot answer yes to any of those questions. Can you? Then why do we doubt God, the creator of all things. He knows what he is doing. We need only to trust unconditionally.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still (silent).” [Exodus 14:14]

One thought on “Who am I, that I should doubt?

  1. I love you, Mandy! You are such an inspiring and beautiful person. It is uncanny that you share this passage from Job. Jared just read that passage to me the week before last when I was sick with a virus. Everything is very confusing in my life right now as well. I am setting me mind, heart, and spirit on trusting through it all, just as you are.

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