I have been very sporadic with writing lately. Though I have been seemingly so busy as of late, I feel like I have accomplished very little. It is very frustrating living life daily but feeling empty. Empty is not the right word use either. My brain refusing to attach what is going on with my heart and my mind. Lack is probably a better word. I have been busy, but I have been lacking a centralized focus on God. Of course, every day I continue to read the Word and even pray. I attend church; of course I also work at church. I have constant Christian fellowship. And I greatly do desire God. Yet there seems to be a lack deep within me.
So often I say that I want to do something that makes me come alive. Honestly, I believe God has uniquely designed each of us to do something, something that we do that makes our hearts beat. Something that we look forward to everyday. Something that we wake up in the morning ready to take on the day because of whatever that thing is in our lives. It is no mistake that God has given each of us desires, talents, and passions… to use for his glory and not our own. I believe God wants to use us and our passions- BUT IN HIS WILL. Other times, I believe that he puts us in times of waiting, where we must just simply be obedient to where he has us.
Story of my life so it seems. Though I genuinely love where God has placed me- my job, my youth group, my young adult group, my friends, just being back home- I know that this is a season of waiting. Of preparation. Of God working in my current situations. I must be obedient to where I am now. Not tomorrow. Not next year. Now. But with obedience, I cannot settle. Where God has me is not without purpose. From what I have learned these months, I cannot complain because of this or that reason. I cannot be lazy with my job, ministry, or my thesis that I need to be writing. It is what God has for me right now. To be a graduate student writing a 100 page thesis, is not necessarily ideal, but I do believe God has called me to write on this subject AND publish a book. I do believe God has placed me at this church as youth pastor to establish a ministry and lead teenagers into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ. I definitely believe God has placed me with my, now dear friends, my young adult fellowship as part of a movement to change lives together. I know what my dreams are. I know my passions and my desires. So does God. He has not forgotten. I believe he is preparing me. I must do everything with excellence, no matter how big or small. Or even if I care at all. If my situations remain the same; regardless of what my tomorrows will look like, let my attitude and my lifestyle be worship and honor to God.