Tonight I sit on my couch in my apartment living room thinking about the last year, year and a half. So much has happened that I find words not being able to fully describe everything. Between mistakes, situations, and various other challenges I have found myself… moving beyond who I was a year ago, even two years ago. As I look at this past year of my life- heck let’s take that to two years- I see so much, well, stupidity. I see my flawed humanity peering through the looking glass. I see much immaturity, both as a recent graduate and as 20-something. I see my mistakes as a single adult and how certain decisions have changed me. From making unwise decisions with money to turning down a probably great guy for a date to even deciding to being single for a year intentionally with the purpose of refocusing after a previous almost relationship [long story, and not really one I want to share]. I even see how my friend David getting killed in Afghanistan has changed me. Or having two jobs with really no time for myself and overcoming a constantly swollen and aching foot from an injury. Honestly, there is such a long list of things that I wish I could redo or forget happened.
But where would be the growth of this past two years of my life? Where would be the learning and accomplishment?
In just over a day and a half, I will be doing something that to many is stupid, crazy, and just unnecessary. I will run 12 miles, complete 22 military grade obstacles, and cross a finish line with a team of friends to complete the Tough Mudder. I haven’t actually explained to really anyone my purpose for doing this event. I haven’t explained my reason for refusing to back down. Everything that has happened in the last two years has changed me so much that I find myself making the Tough Mudder my goal, something that says “I am new, changed, different…not giving up, pushing through, and pressing hard”. This Tough Mudder is a huge thing for me, more than a physical accomplishment, more than something to win a t-shirt, and more than something to do just to say I did it.
It is symbolic of my last two years. Symbolic of the obstacles I have faced, symbolic of the crap I have done and the mess I have found myself in, and symbolic of the help I have had through it all with God. The Tough Mudder is about camaraderie- team work- and pushing through any challenges that you face. I believe God has been reason for everything, regardless of others’ faults or my own stupidity or just…life. The moment I cross that finish line will be so freeing, so calming, so exciting, so moving… so many things. This is a life goal because life is more than just a moment or a decision. God has shown me so much and I am doing this Tough Mudder for him. He is my everything. With his strength and definitely his grace I can do all things, in this Mudder, and in life.