I have been a rut. Stuck. And at times, wondering, “Who the heck am I becoming?” You become someone based of your everyday choices. Everything you say, everywhere you go, every behavior you take part in…everything. It all shapes you and molds you as a person.

I have been very reflective lately, and it has caused me to really look at myself and who I have become. In being honest, I do not like all of what I see. Upon noticing this, I realized I had to make drastic changes in my behavior, attitude, habits, and pretty much every major part of my life. Change was necessary to become who I really want to be. No more compromise, no more laziness, and definitely no more complacency. I want to live up to my potential, and be the person I know I am actually capable of being, even if I do not have the full picture. The same thing has happened with friends of mine, people I love and care about deeply. Friends who continue behaving in certain ways and yet wonder why life is not going well. Friends that cannot seem to understand why their relationship with God has disappeared or gone dry. Friends who wonder why about so many things.  Well let me tell you what I have been learning recently…

Decide the kind of person you want to be. Who are you capable of becoming? And go for it. I am not talking about the dream job or perfect family. No- I am referring to who you are now and will be as a person. Figure that out first. But then look at your life now. Are you behaviors hindering or helping you in being that person? Simply put, are you all talk about it yet have no desire to change who you are now to be who you really want to be?

Let me explain it in a more tangible way, something I decided I wanted to do to become more of who I want to be. I work out pretty regularly, but lately I have become a little out of shape due to being busy and then tired because of being so busy. I have compromised working out for the sake of rest, which in turn has not been the best decision because if I am not healthy, rest can only do so much. So I decided recently to increase my workouts again and push through the exhaustion; what do you know, I feel better than ever. On top of that, I started a fitness program called Insanity- it basically kicks you into shape. My point is simply this: if you want to lose weight, put in the effort to workout. If you want to be a better Christian, put in the effort to read the Word, pray, spend time with Godly people, and actually go to church rather than sleeping in because you are tired. If you want to date the perfect guy- a guy who treats you with respect, loves the Lord, and is in a good place in life, then- to be blunt- get your act together, stop messing around with “okay” guys for the sake of pleasure, spend time with God, and realize this: a guy who loves the Lord deeply does not want a girl who compromises her integrity [and vice versus].

Overall my point is simply that whatever you feel needs change in your life, you will not see it without you putting in the effort, the sacrifice, or the discipline to get there. Above all, I cannot separate any of this from faith. Do not live your life in opposition to God’s Word or truth and wonder why your relationship with God is a mess. Do not compromise godly living for cultural acceptance. Living to honor God, develop yourself as a better person, or really anything in between, starts with a step toward change. Ultimately, its up to you.

[Service Four of the “End of the world as we know it” Camp 2012 with speaker Garland Owensby/my thoughts] 

Surely you have seen the movie, or at least know about it: Pirates of the Caribbean, of course the first one. The whole premise behind the movie is that a bunch of cursed pirates are on a mission to find the last lost coin, 1 of 882 lost coins. The reason- the break the curse. The last coin is found but blood is still needed to be shed- the blood of the one who stole it, or their child. If you haven’t seen the movie, I won’t give it away. But see it! Its one of my favorites! 

The pirate Barbosa, was the one in deep search for that which was lost- the the final coin. Barbosa was driven to find it no matter the cost. Please look at this allegorically, not as something we actually need to do. We are not pirates, nor have we lost a coin of Cortez Aztec gold. But, there is a message to be found here. We are all people in search of something. What motivates you to look for things? Is it a mentality of: “If it gives me pleasure…if I get something.” The thing is…we look for what we value. 

In Luke 15, it talks about a woman who lost a coin. She was obviously not wealthy which was exactly why losing just one coin mattered so much to her. She searched and searched until she found it. The question to be asked is “who” or “what” is/are the lost coins? The answer is that those are outside of relationship with Jesus. Jesus is looking for those that everyone else stopped looking for. The problem is that often, sadly often, we put ourselves in a place where we place ourselves above others thinking they still deserve Hell… grace is for you and still for them, regardless of who they are or what they have done. How do we respond to this? Be intentional because love requires action. Its worth the investment to find the lost. If God values them, then we need to value everyone. When the lost is found, rejoice! 

Here are a few stories: 

“If God calls you, the safest place for you is in His will.” – Christian Shoemaker. Christian said that at the beginning of World War 1. He died of of smallpox in India. His wife stayed in India for another 33 years. Of his six kids, five are missionaries. The other is a pastor. To this family, people mattered. They were deeply valuable regardless of race, religion, background or anything else. 

Mary Curie was a woman in Lebanon- she was a Christian and Lebanon was a Muslim nation. She vowed that “I will obey Him”, and she did. One night she watched as each of her family members were murdered, shot by Muslims. They then shot her and left her body on the ground, only to be found days later still alive. She was completely paralyzed. Her response to the brutality of them, was this: “My life will be a prayer”. She vowed to pray for them daily, to pray for God’s love to be seen. 

Lillian Trasher, became known as the Mother of the Nile. That term doesn’t even give justice to this woman’s life. Lillian broke off her engagement to a great Christian man because she felt God was calling her to pick up and move to Egypt. So to Egypt she did move. While she was there, she was handed a baby by a dying woman. Her only response was to make sure that baby could have a chance at life- she nursed, got it healthy, and slowly became a mother to hundreds of kids in Egypt, as one by one her heart broke, and one by one she was going after the “lost coins”. 

You see with all of these stories, with plenty more just like them, these people were able to look beyond someone’s story, background, color or religion because they saw something else. They saw that every person on this Earth was created by God, with purpose, and are part of God’s love story. They believed every person was valuable and lived and died believing so. 

[This is from service three of “End of the world as we know it” Camp 2012 with speaker Garland Owensby/my thoughts]

We all want to know where we came from. We all have a start, a story, a beginning. Look at any adopted kid- so many of them have no clue to what their history is. They have no idea what their story is. They have no idea where they came from. In John 1, there is a direct link to Genesis. 

John 1:1-5
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him there was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it…the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

The terminology used might confuse you if you’re not familiar with this passage of the Bible but bear with me. This scripture directly references two things: 1) Creation 2) Christ as Creation. Jesus Christ has always been…and will always be. (Hi)story happens…history paired with His story of love is exactly what John was writing about. At one point he said to his disciples that he will build his church. But in the original Greek, he said “ecclessia”. This was extremely significant. At the time, the Romans ruled everything and because of that, a ton of people were outcasted, rejected, left out. Their version of “ecclesia” was, in essence, an assembly of rich voting land-owning men. When Jesus came around he wanted to show them how much he loved his people- his very Creation that he has loved from the beginning. He changed the definition of “ecclessia” by saying that by his love, all were accepted. He challenged his followers to go to everyone because they belong. 

The world may tell you that you don’t belong. Or the world may say that the disabled doesn’t belong. The different may not belong. But Jesus says that his love is greater than any of the world’s judgments, criticisms, or separations. Its time for his “ecclessia” to be built. Check out Galatians 3:26-29:

…for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slavet nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.

The world, the culture always looks to divisions and differences. True “ecclessia” looks to Jesus- his love and his story for us. With that we are all connected. We need to be there for each other- not in judgment or condemnation, but in love and compassion. Carry each others’ burdens because Jesus carried something that was never meant for him- the cross- our cross. To be the church- Jesus’ “ecclessia” we are to be one, supportive unit, that holds each other up, especially when we are weak or struggling. With that, we also hold each accountable and draw out the best in each other. That is the “ecclessia”…and you belong. It came from Christ, in the beginning. 

[Service two of “End of the World as we know it” camp 2012- speaker Garland Owensby/my thoughts]

You see… the world likes us to believe that there is nothing special within is. Every advertisement tries to convince us that we have to lose weight, buy those clothes, use that product, use this supplement, and blah blah blah. That’s how I feel by the average advertisement I see or hear…blah. We constantly have to “improve” ourselves in order to be “good enough”, “skinny enough”, “hot enough”, desirable enough”, or whatever other crap- yes I said crap- our culture tells us to be. But you see, there is so much more than this culture. There is God. God created this world we live in, however perverted and different it has become from its original creation. 

Look at Psalm 139 [sections]:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it!

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

David, the writer of this Psalm, knew that he was not accident, not just a person to live on this earth and die with no purpose at all. He knew, from his years of intense mistakes, the grace of God upon his life. He knew how much God’s love was for him, because without God’s love, things would have been vastly different. David understand that God intensely loved him. 

God intensely loves you! You are not an accident. He created you with purpose. In order to understand that you have purpose for your life, understand this…God is crazy about you. He is excited seeing you live out your life…or at least that’s his desire. He is our God, our Father, and he deeply wants to lead us in a way that is good for us, because it honors him. So when we live out lives in selfishness and in disregard to your life as his Creation, it saddens him deeply. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made” which means we were made in great awe, in deep love, for incredible purpose. When we begin to believe in the words of the Father instead of the words of the world, we begin to look at ourselves through a completely different lens. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there is any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

When we see ourselves the way God created us- a beautiful creations a part of his whole plan and purpose- we can reject the world within us. We can end its domain on our lives and not listen to the lies, the deceit, or the pain. We also need to reject the part of the world that we have allowed within us- sin. Whatever sin [things that draw you farther from God, not closer, and things that go in direct opposition to his Word], we need to remove and repent of. God is a gracious God who gives us strength to overcome anything. He gives us the ability to live the amazing adventurous lives that I believe he has created us for. 

Not exactly what you think, just to preface this. This, my friends, is the theme of camp. 

This year, the NJ Assemblies of God camp for senior [speaker Garland Owensby] and junior high [speaker “Chubbs”] was themed as “ITS THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT”. Honestly, I don’t think we could have had a better theme. In light of the Mayan calendar prediction of the end of the world coming this December, people more and more are thinking about their own lives, pursuing their dreams, or doing everything they always wanted to. A small majority of people actually believe the end of the world will happen as the Mayan’s predicted 1500 years ago. The vast majority of people will continue to live exactly as they are… and that is the point. Though we [Christians] know that at some point life will no longer exist as we know now. But also, as Christians, believe that there is something foundational in our decision to follow Christ. Camp this year was themed around this concept: ending the desires of the world and self within oneself, and allowing for God to work. 

So I begin with these thoughts and notes from service one with Garland’s message and my thoughts:

1 John 2:15-17 can be summed up with this: 1) Lust of the flesh 2) Lust of the eyes and 3) Pride of life. 

What do you love…really?
“I don’t want Jesus to end up in a box…to end up as a fad.”

Don’t fall in love with things! You weren’t designed to be just a consumer. Your design is not for things because loving things will always disappoint. I mean really- who doesn’t get upset if someone messes with their stuff? But the reality is that we get so caught up and upset if someone touches or  messes with our stuff, yet it almost never fazes us if someone messes with God’s stuff.

You are MORE than the world’s [culture’s] cravings and desires in you or for you. The world wants us to be be attracted to things that don’t matter, things that ultimately have no value. Its not bad to have things, but its our attitude towards things, towards people, and towards the thing of God that matter. 

“The attractive things about America to outsides is the materialism, not the spirituality. [Eugene Peterson]” The sad thing is how true this statement is. America is a nation, known to the world, as one of extreme greed, selfishness, desire that is never satisfied, and one of a central focus on Number One, oneself. We are a nation that is so selfish yet we seem shocked that the American Dream is not what it used to be. The American Dream used to be something people had to strive after, work hard for, be disciplined for, but above all it was something for the betterment of America, your family, and yourself. Now, it is all about the self. Can it be that the American Dream is not the Jesus Dream? As Christians we need to sync ourselves with the eternal, lasting things- just like if you sync an iPod or something to a laptop. Sometimes we don’t get mad about the things that makes Jesus mad. Yes, he does get mad. He does not like his children, the people he died for, to turn their back on his Word- like justice, holiness, purity, compassion, and the hurting. Sometimes we don’t get sad about the things that make Jesus. We need to  see people as God sees them, to love people the way God loves them, and to live the way God wants us to live- in a manner worthy of the love that was crucified. 

Lastly, don’t ignore the warning signs. Yes, back to the ancient worlds. You can believe or not that the world will end…whether in December or another era altogether. But realize this- your life will end one day. Don’t live a life thinking that at the end you will have a chance at God’s love. Jesus paid an eternal price for you- for me- that we can live a life of greatness, adventure, love, and beauty. That’s how he created us! But this world- culture- does not want to honor God. There are warning signs all around us of the absence of God within our world, not just American culture. It is our choice how we are going to live. Will you look at the things around you, God’s Word, and live for him in spite of the pressures of our world? Look at the story of the city of Pompeii. When Mt. Vesuvius erupted, it wasn’t a surprise for the city. There were plenty of warning signs that something terrible and disastrous was coming. There were tremors, thunderstorms, smoke…there was enough warning for every person within that city to escape to safety and continue to live a full life. About 20,000 people escaped the city leaving 2,000 people that refused- 2,000 people that chose to ignore the warnings of disaster. 2,000 people that were killed in a violent, painful way. That is exactly what Christ did for us…he died so we could have an escape plan from our selfishness, greed, sin…go back to 1 John 2:15-17. Don’t live your life pretending that disaster cannot touch you. Live your life believing that there is a purpose, that you were created for more than what you’re currently living for, that you could indeed have something bigger, and better ahead for you. 

I believe in life there are certain moments. Defining moments. Challenging moments. Ones that force you to look at your life, who you were and who you have become. Ones that demand a response. But above all, life has those moments that change your life forever. 

You have a choice to act on those moments or let them disappear. You have a choice to let them be a catalyst within the life you are currently living. Every moment matters. Though it may seem small, it most certainly matters. Though it may be a big moment, it will not be the only one, nor the last.

Seize the moments- the ones that shape you to becoming a better person. Seize those moments that bring out the very best in your, yet challenge you to be better. Seize those divine, God-inspired, beautiful moments that you know are just for you. God has uniquely created you to be someone of significance and of beauty. Your life is not one of dull moments, but of beautiful ones that will bring the greatest adventure that is your life, if you choose to have faith that every moments has a purpose. Every person you meet, every place you go, everything you do…matters because each of those moments, in some way, is part of your life’s purpose. 

I want to live my life in an on-going adventure because I know, with faith and obedience to God. With every job choice, decision to move, the man I decide to marry, and even in the small moments of times with friends or gazing at the sunset. Every moment may be fleeting but shapes a part of my life. At the end of my life, I want to know it was well-lived, embracing every moment, good and bad, easy and hard, because every single one is a part of that life to some extent. 

This past week has been quite crazy. On Sunday we started off with attending the local church on the compound. Afterward we assisted with a young program teaching kids scripture- these kids know how to memorize the Word! It was actually quite impressive. In the evening, we separated from the boys [Andrew and Peter] and spent several hours with the Standard 8 girls of the boarding house of the school on the compound- 8th grade dorm students. These girls were just so precious. They just finished learning about purity and how it affects their relationship with the Lord and others. It was incredible to talk to these girls even just in simple about modesty, behavior and dating. To Kenyans, dating is a no-no. You court and usually don’t begin that process until your 20s where with familial approval courting can begin. But with the culture that also struggles with trying to be progessive and different than tradition, girls are very confused on what it means to honor the Lord, maintain tradition, and yet still be able to live normal lives in the midst of confusion. All in all though, it was a great time with these precious girls who are so curious about life outside their bubble. They even performed a skit they prepared for us because they wanted to do something special for us the Mazungu [white person] visiters. Even in their skit there was an element of innocence, curiosity, and yet desire to serve the Lord.

Early morning on Monday we prepared to leave for the Bush in Northen Kenya about 3 hours north. The reality of any trips around the country is that you cannot really pay attention to the mileage because the roads will definitely incease the amount of time it takes to get anywhere. For us, we traveled north on a normal black top two lane road. As we traveled further North, the road began to disappear…literally. The paved road became a dirt and sand road full of holes and rocks making it nearly impossible to drive comfortably and definitely not faster than maybe 20 miles an hour. Any faster would surely break almost any car. At this point, driving on this particular road, we were surrounded by the Bush… desert land with some scarce vegetation, hill lands, and rocks. Upon arriving almost to the village, we stopped in the closest “civilized” town where we ate lunch and had tea. Every Kenyan will eat their meal then have HOT black tea. The “restuarant” we ate at would most certainly fail every inspection of American health code, but we really didn’t have much choice. The bathrooms consisted of a hole you squat over…nicknamed a squatty potty or in Swahili, the Cho. Definitely were not in Kansas in anymore. When we finished eating and had our last “real” bathroom to use, we embarked on the final stretch of the journey to our village. The following moments at the village seemed like something out of National Geographic and Discovery channel. The village was literally in the middle of nowhere yet surrounded with a glorious landscape of desert, bush, and mountains. We stayed with the villagers for a few hours where we were greeted by kids, some of which had never seen a white person before. We played with them and of course took their pictures. The elder of the village gave us a “tour” of their village. In summary, the village has huts made of sticks and mud, and animal hides, as well as anything else they could find to add to their shelter. The huts were also separated into men’s and women’s sides- the men have multiple wives, so each wife and her children had separate huts. In the middle of the village was the animal pin where during the night hours, their goats and sheep stay within their makeshift fence walls made of thorn bushes. There were no bathrooms. Most kids ran around naked or half naked, especially the boys. Women were wearing wrapped tops or even topless but wearing large and vibrantly colored necklaces of the tribe, the Rendili. The men- the elders- wore wrapped skirts that shoes their leadership, carrying around a large stick as one would see a shepherd. The elders even have their own part of the village to lay back and relax in a dry river bed under some acacia trees. It was their place of honor.

Later on in the afternoon, we left that village to go to a nearby village where we were invited guests to see part of a wedding of two tribes- the daughter from that village marrying a son from another. At the [second] village we got to experience the tribal dancing that takes place as part of the ceremony. With painted faces, bright colored skirts, and huge staffs, the men- the warriors- danced and chanted toward the women, dressed in bright dresses, wearing beaded masks, and brightly colored necklaces. It was quite beautiful and definitely something unique. Having been at the village for about 2 hours and still no bride, with the sun beginning to set, we knew we had to head back to the other village where we were presenting the Jesus Film in Swahili- perhaps the first and only movie most of the villagers would ever see- from that village and the surrounding ones, including the one with the wedding.

We arrived back to the main village of the Rendili to fight some of the elders in the field getting a goat. To our shock and yet intrigue we watched [as told to] them slaughter the young goat, drain its blood, and prepare it as our meal for dinner. This is not something people of this tribe, or most tribes, do. It is something of honor and of to not take part in this ritual would be highly offensive. We watched and tried to maintain a calm response to what we were witnessing. As the elders began to prepare the goat for us, and only us, we got the film ready to show the entire village plus people from surrounding villages. Many of these villlagers have never heard the gospel, some have heard it only a few times, and only a handle of the villagers were even Christians. Hearing the Gospel in their own language through movie was something that was incredible to experience. Though we are uncertain of how many people have accepted Christ because of that evening, I am convinced that in the desert bush of Northern Kenya, a movement of God’s love and spirit is coming forth. Under the stars of the evening, we closed out the movie, villagers either went home or to bed, as it was almost midnight and they arise early. We however, joined the elders at the fire where the goat was being prepared. We sat and ate cold goat’s meat and cold thick rice….with our hands. We attempted to eat as much as we could but were unable to finish the large amount of goat meat and rice so the elders gladly finished it for us. The thing to understand here is that this village literally sacrificed a goat from their herd to give to us even though their own people may not have eaten much or at all that day. It was a very humbling experience and something I cannot and will not forget. The next morning we arose to an early start and remained in the village through the morning. Sadly, we were unable to stay longer than the two days and one night, for various reasons. Luckily, the ministry here with Abby and Andrew includes planting a church on the site of the village – they will be returning very soon, along with a team to begin groundwork. Though we wish we could have stayed longer, we know God’s purpose for our ministry their was great and his work is not yet complete.

Later on we experienced what I believe was my second major National Geographic/Discovery Channel moment…a safari. Now I understand this is not ministry, but their is something magnificent to being out in the desert and the bush knowing all sorts of animals of various levels of danger were out there. During our safari we saw a leopard, giraffees, zebras, baboons, warthogs, gazelles, oryx, empallas, crocodiles, monkeys, dikdi, hyena, a lioness, and elephants. At one point we were semi-charged by a mother elephant, with a large herd surrounding us. An exhiliarting feeling paired with the possibility of “it could get much worse” and “let’s get out of here now”.

For the remainder of the week, Thursday, Friday and today [saturday], we have been working more locally with the minsitry of Abby and Andrew. We have worked with the school kids, dorm kids, and at the children’s homes. It has been way less exhaustive as the first portion of the trip, but fulfilling and exciting nonetheless. Tomorrow, Sunday, we will have another busy day ahead. We will be working with the church in the morning, youth program in the afternoon working on scriptures and Bible lessons, then in the evening partly at a ladies bible study for local women and then with the boarders/dorm students. Monday will be our final day in Nanyuki so it will be a day of rest, shopping and some touring. Tuesday morning we leave early for the long drive back to Nairobi. The trip has been incredible, life-changing, and even life-provoking. I want to live my life, wherever God calls me and leads me, with a passionate heart, obedient living, and in deep love for his people.

For the past 10 or 12 years, I have deeply desired to go to Africa to do missions work and humanitarian aid. Since I was kid I always wanted to go, but it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I thought it was possible. I can’t describe it, but I am overwhelmed with this joy and peace and just excitement… in two weeks I will be arriving to Nairobi to stay for two weeks and work with two of my friends that are missionaries there. I will be posting more about it as it comes up. I just wanted to share today how excited I am to go! Never be afraid to go after your dreams even if it seems hard, exhausting or impossible. If you want the dream, go after it.