Something has really been on my heart lately. I have been thinking about faith, Christianity, religion, and the church. Honestly, I think we are missing something. Where is Jesus? So much of our lives- that is those that confess to believe in Christ and therefore call themselves Christians- are not consumed by Christ. I write this with an extremely heavy and convicted heart.

You see the thing is that if we truly have become believers and that if we truly are Christlike, then that means something very simple -not necessarily easy- we are to be like Jesus, in word and deed. I write all of this with a very heavy heart knowing that I am guilty of not having Jesus at the center of my life, at least not always. I am guilty of being selfish, vain, proud, judging, but also lacking in faith, trust, commitment, and discipline in my walk with Jesus. I have heard fellow Christians talk about church and how it has to be done one way to be right, or its wrong if this happens. I have heard judgment from one church to another. Then I remember…the Church is comprised of imperfect people that have all supposedly encountered Christ. I am not saying that in judgment, I am saying that because the Church is where Christians should be found.

What I have been pondering lately are these two questions: What does it really look like to encounter Christ? If I have encountered him, what does that mean for me? As I write these questions I am reminded of my reasoning for having them. I struggle with the things I listed above. I am terribly imperfect, yet I strive to become more like Christ in spite of my failings. This I know- I have met Christ because I am most certainly not who I was. Though I still struggle, I am new, and made new every day. However something greatly bothers me. As the Church- but more as believers on the individual scale- should not we each encounter Christ personally and let him change us? Renew us? Strengthen us? Purify us?

I am exhausted. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally, but communally. I am exhausted by being around believers, Christians that say that have encountered Christ yet their words are nothing but gossip, lies, slander, hatred, judgment. I am exhausted by the coarse joking and profanity from Christians. Should not our lips speak love and uplift? Should not our conversations speak life instead of death? I am exhausted from the lack of separation from things that are unfitting for Christians. Should we not strive for purity and holiness? I am exhausted from the vanity, pride, and arrogance from Christians. Should we not build God’s kingdom instead of our own? I understand that I am responsible for this just the same. I have to take responsibility for my own actions, words, and behaviors. But I want to let Christ renew me and remake me. I want to let him change my heart and purify my mind. If then we have encountered Christ, then he will work in our lives completely. If then we have encountered Christ, it will affect our churches and families. Compassion, love, kindness, gentleness, self-control, purity, integrity, and holiness are just some of the attributes that we should have once we have encountered Jesus. We may be works in progress but will be progressing…toward becoming more like Christ every day.

So this weekend I had a really fun opportunity to participate in a 5k run… only the difference is during the run you get covered in paint! It was so fun. Now I have never been remotely close to a great runner, but this weekend I realized something. All the hard work I have put into Insanity paid off- what an incredible surpise! Usually when I run longer than 2 miles… I begin to pant and regret my decision to run. I am out of breath and my legs are tired. BUT… during and after this run, which wasn’t even a race, I was perfectly fine! I wasn’t out of breath nor was I exhausted. In fact, I was full of energy! I am amazed that a month of Insanity has made me a much better runner. I had a blast doing the ColorRun!

I have officially made it into Recovery Week of Insanity- the fifth week of the program with less intense workouts. I am so excited to be doing this and have come this far. One things I have decided to do during this week is to workout at my gym with weight training to maximize my workouts. Let me just say…SORE! But I am so excited to be seeing results.

Today, after my workout with Insanity, I went to my gym and did a 45 minute weight workout for my upper body. I am definitely DEFINITELY sore. But I am learning so much about discipline and focus. Between doing a modified diet, doing Insanity and adding it workouts at my gym, I am starting to see results and I feel good! No GREAT! Throughout this process a few words or phrases constantly push me:

Dig deeper [the catch phrase of Insanity]
Focus
Discipline
Steadfast

I am trying to implement all of this into my daily routine, and allow God to use this workout to teach me more than being fit. Pretty much this is a life lesson. Dig deeper and do your best at anything and everything. Focus on what God has set before you. Discipline your body and your mind to be focused on God- on living a godly life in purity, removing the things that will hold you back, even if only a little. And be steadfast- don’t give up. Be constant, unwavering, and determined in your pursuit of God.

I am utterly amazed. Overjoyed. Overwhelmed.

Somehow God saw fit to use me as an instrument in his plan and a method of bringing hope to people. The funny thing is, it has nothing to do with me at all. Let me explain.

I have been a Christian for years. I have been in church my whole life. But when I was in high school, I finally made an intentional decision to follow Christ- with my lifestyle, with my words, with my personal beliefs. I admit this much: I was [and am] perfectly imperfect, I definitely did not resemble Christ all the time, and I struggled greatly. What I also knew was this: God’s love was gracious to me when I was so undeserving. It was the only thing that got me through some really hard times, especially the times in my life when I felt like no one else was really there for me. Because of His love for me, I felt like the greatest response to that love was to live that love out. During my upperclassmen years of high school, I began to intentionally pray for specific classmates of mine. To this day, that list remains the same. I still pray for these individuals. I believe each of them has an incredible purpose for their life, that God wants to work deeply in them, and take them on the greatest adventure they would ever know. I believed in high school that God placed those people in my life for specific reasons. Most of these people know that I prayed for them, and still do, and many of them do not seem to care.

But I have learned something profound. Do not give up. So many times I felt like it was a waste of my time to reach out to people that seemingly had no care in what I had to say or what I did. Most of the people that I prayed for in high school were not exactly my equals in terms of popularity- they were ones that were heavily involved in school functions, sports, plays, etc. and often I felt like as a Christian, I stood out to many of them more as a self-righteous prude. Honestly, that was not all that false. In my imperfect and fallible way of living out a godly lifestyle, I did not exactly present Christ in the best ways. After graduation, I decided that I would pray for those people more than ever- the specific ones that I believe God had me praying for. To my amazement, God had done wonders. Some of my classmates that I never would have thought to be strong Christians, are so deeply in love with God, their hearts ready to serve him completely.

One by one, the classmates that I spent nights praying for, fasting for, and even weeping for, are turning to God. This isn’t about converting anyone. It is about God’s love shining into the dark areas of our lives and revealing who he really is and who he has created us each to be. My prayers for these classmates were never to be Christians- it was always to become godly men and women, living a lifestyle founded on the Word of God and not on religion or legalism, showing that same love to the world. And I have begun to see this happen. In spite of all of my failed attempts at sharing or showing God’s love, in spite of my sin and selfishness, in spite of sometimes self-righteousness, God decided to still hear my prayers for people that I believed he had created with incredible purpose. In due time, I believe- or at least hope and pray- I will see each of those former classmates come to know, truly know, God- a God who deeply loves them.

Death. Without death- complete death- effective leadership is impossible. Impossible. How then do we attain this leadership if we must experience death? The answer is that we must first experience God and seek His will for us. The first step toward leadership, mainly godly leadership, is understanding that without God we are nothing. From there one can lead others solely on the power and the grace of God. So again, how can we achieve death if it must be achieved to lead? 

Burn your dreams. Tear your heart. Shed your tears. Disappear. Die. 

It is a painfully beautiful process to go through. I now can understand that. Christ died for me. Yes the world in its entirety, but let me just focus on what he did for me and how I must respond. Christ experienced terrible pain and the worst separation from God. Why? It begins with the rebellion of man trying to do things their own way separate from God’s perfect plan. I struggle with this still. I cannot lead others if I am not following God wholeheartedly. I must be wholly God’s first before I can even try to influence the lives of others. Recognizing Christ’s sacrifice in my stead, I need to stop fighting complete death. That was a painful realization for me. I have been resisting God; not all of Him but the areas of my life that I think I can control better I have failed to hand over to God. As a leader, I am not following God very well. Christ says we must daily pick up our cross to follow Him. Ultimately that means that we must give up control to God and allow for him to work in and through us. Death in Christ means releasing our dreams, visions, and passions all to God. 

We then become nothing. That is exactly where God wants us to be. 

God breaks us beautifully. He refines us in the fire. Nothing is left but the true form of what God intends to use from us. The core of leadership means understanding the principle that daily we must go through death and once again allow for God to take control. From that point God will use us to impact the world, not by our power or skill or ability- remember we are nothing. God will take the nothings of this world and proclaim His glory and power through them. God uses our circumstances and experiences in our lives to use in our testimony to His name. That is the beginning of leadership. I recognize my weaknesses and areas that I am incapable. At some point in leadership, especially if I am choosing to die and be nothing, I decide to be different. I cannot change the world unless I stand out and that will only come from constant intimacy with God. With the restoration and intimacy with God, a true leader can only lead well if they find others to walk with them. Leaders must be in teams. That is how God so perfectly designed us. We were never created to do anything alone, but rather to rely on the strengths, the gifts, and the talents of others, His creation. Then, and only then, we will begin to change the world. That is only the beginning. 

Smile. Everything is new. Dream again. Have passion. 

As leaders living to exemplify Christ in all things, we must dream. Vision is key to changing and impacting the world. We must pray and seek God. In His time He will reveal a vision that is true for you. God often times takes us out of our comfort zone in order to bring us to a new level of obedience and reliance on Him. But in those moments God births vision in your heart and nourishes passion in your life. He gives a calling to those who seek it. In that vision, that passion and the calling, God will give opportunity to mentor and disciple others. It is important to continually testify to God’s grace in life. Encourage others to also stop fighting complete death. Be humble and selfless. Remember again that you are nothing. God is the one that brings you back from death. Serve God wholly in the direction that he guides with the team he provides in whatever culture or country he places you. That is true leadership. Learning to die and allowing Christ to resurrect you to something new and more powerful then what we could have done alone. 

[thoughts on leadership while in Bobbio Pellice, Italia in the summer of 2009]

Being a christian, we are expected to read the Bible to do what we call “devotions”. But I came to realize something after contemplating what I was told. What does it mean to have devotion? What does it mean to be devoted to something? This is what I discovered when I looked up several dictionary definitions of the word:

– profound dedication; consecration.
– earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.
– an assignment or appropriation to any purpose, cause, etc.:
– Often, devotions. Ecclesiastical. religious observance or worship; a form of prayer or worship for special use.
– Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle

So what does it mean to have a “devotion-less life”? Well as explained by Dr. Mark Rutland [for those of you who do not know- he is the President of Southeastern University], devotions are something that every Christian should practice, however daily. Devotions are not meant to be something that we feel guilted into. They shouldn’t be read in a rush or simply to get it done. If those are the reasons for doing your “devotions”, do you really have devotion at all based off the above definitions? This is a challenge to myself. I read the Bible. Currently I am doing a planned study where by Dec 31, 2008, I will have read the Bible through twice and psalms and proverbs a few more times as well. Its quite a challenge really…honestly I am actually a week behind! Talk about lacking devotion.

What Dr. Rutland brought up today was the matter of the heart in devotion. I agree to what he said, in all things. Reading the Bible would be better if read 5 minutes a day to at least be consistent, rather than an hour a month, where you cram it in and don’t really think about what you read. Devotions seem to be a challenge for a lot of people, myself included. But looking back on those definitions, to love God fully, we must be devoted, ardent, striving to get closer to him. Not only do devotions [and prayer] affect your life, but your relationships with others. How you treat your friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, parents, authority figures, etc. is a reflection of your devotion to God.

So in relevance to actual “devotions” its meaningless unless we have the right attitude and heart behind it. When you lack the zeal and dedication of getting closer to God; when you are lazy and choose something else in your time over learning the word; when you read it but don’t “read it” [meaning reading out of obligation and not letting the material sink in]; all of these things are crucial to devotions. By doing each of these things you hinder what God COULD be doing in your life because of your lack of loving, passionate, dedication to Him and His word. Its what Dr. Rutland called “the damages of a devotion-less life”. Don’t allow a slump to become of you spiritually because you lack the discipline to read the word, even if only for 5 minutes a day. Discipline takes training, but it is possible. Start small and continue to read. Have a journal to write down thoughts [I have a prayer journal it is incredible to write to God!]. Quiet your life down while giving time to God; shut off music, computers, etc. Find somewhere quiet where you can focus. Do these things and see God move in your life by your devotions.

In my last post, I mentioned something about Insanity, a workout that is designed to kick your butt (literally) by intense cardio workouts. In my desire to be in the best physical shape, I decided to start this workout at 7am (or around there) everyday. Going into this workout, I knew it would be a challenge and push me in more ways than I would like. What I also knew was with any goal, efforts must be made to reach that goal’s potential. My first day- well actually my first several days- were extremely challenging. Before this workout I did miner cardio with a ton of weight training. So my first few days  I basically felt like my legs were made of jello and my abs were in a constant state of quivering. Now 15 days into this workout routine, I am seeing major improvements. I completed the second Fit Test [the first on Day 1, repeating every 2 weeks] and to my amazement I actually improved in my workouts and shed a few [just a few] pounds. Beginning Week 3 of this program, I am excited for acheiving more results. Mentally I have to prepare myself every morning for the intense workout, yet afterwards I feel more than awake and pumped for the day. And Yes! I am completely exhausted, sore, tired, and did I mention sore…? But what I have come to learn in my years of working out and getting fit, it takes sacrifice, perseverance, and discipline to get the results I want. In doing Insanity, I definitely have been reminded of this challenge. So my encouragement to you in your workouts or even other areas of your life, push through! Don’t quit, don’t give up, and definitely don’t become okay with mediocre… if your ultimate goal is about being in shape, or the best at something or the best you can be, mediocre is not an option. Let the sweat running down your face be a sign of your discipline, let your exhaustion be a tangible result of your perseverance, and let your aching and quivering muscles be a reminder of your goal. Push through. 

Bring on week 3. 

“Get fit or get out.” – Shaun T, Insanity founder.

I have been a rut. Stuck. And at times, wondering, “Who the heck am I becoming?” You become someone based of your everyday choices. Everything you say, everywhere you go, every behavior you take part in…everything. It all shapes you and molds you as a person.

I have been very reflective lately, and it has caused me to really look at myself and who I have become. In being honest, I do not like all of what I see. Upon noticing this, I realized I had to make drastic changes in my behavior, attitude, habits, and pretty much every major part of my life. Change was necessary to become who I really want to be. No more compromise, no more laziness, and definitely no more complacency. I want to live up to my potential, and be the person I know I am actually capable of being, even if I do not have the full picture. The same thing has happened with friends of mine, people I love and care about deeply. Friends who continue behaving in certain ways and yet wonder why life is not going well. Friends that cannot seem to understand why their relationship with God has disappeared or gone dry. Friends who wonder why about so many things.  Well let me tell you what I have been learning recently…

Decide the kind of person you want to be. Who are you capable of becoming? And go for it. I am not talking about the dream job or perfect family. No- I am referring to who you are now and will be as a person. Figure that out first. But then look at your life now. Are you behaviors hindering or helping you in being that person? Simply put, are you all talk about it yet have no desire to change who you are now to be who you really want to be?

Let me explain it in a more tangible way, something I decided I wanted to do to become more of who I want to be. I work out pretty regularly, but lately I have become a little out of shape due to being busy and then tired because of being so busy. I have compromised working out for the sake of rest, which in turn has not been the best decision because if I am not healthy, rest can only do so much. So I decided recently to increase my workouts again and push through the exhaustion; what do you know, I feel better than ever. On top of that, I started a fitness program called Insanity- it basically kicks you into shape. My point is simply this: if you want to lose weight, put in the effort to workout. If you want to be a better Christian, put in the effort to read the Word, pray, spend time with Godly people, and actually go to church rather than sleeping in because you are tired. If you want to date the perfect guy- a guy who treats you with respect, loves the Lord, and is in a good place in life, then- to be blunt- get your act together, stop messing around with “okay” guys for the sake of pleasure, spend time with God, and realize this: a guy who loves the Lord deeply does not want a girl who compromises her integrity [and vice versus].

Overall my point is simply that whatever you feel needs change in your life, you will not see it without you putting in the effort, the sacrifice, or the discipline to get there. Above all, I cannot separate any of this from faith. Do not live your life in opposition to God’s Word or truth and wonder why your relationship with God is a mess. Do not compromise godly living for cultural acceptance. Living to honor God, develop yourself as a better person, or really anything in between, starts with a step toward change. Ultimately, its up to you.

[Service Four of the “End of the world as we know it” Camp 2012 with speaker Garland Owensby/my thoughts] 

Surely you have seen the movie, or at least know about it: Pirates of the Caribbean, of course the first one. The whole premise behind the movie is that a bunch of cursed pirates are on a mission to find the last lost coin, 1 of 882 lost coins. The reason- the break the curse. The last coin is found but blood is still needed to be shed- the blood of the one who stole it, or their child. If you haven’t seen the movie, I won’t give it away. But see it! Its one of my favorites! 

The pirate Barbosa, was the one in deep search for that which was lost- the the final coin. Barbosa was driven to find it no matter the cost. Please look at this allegorically, not as something we actually need to do. We are not pirates, nor have we lost a coin of Cortez Aztec gold. But, there is a message to be found here. We are all people in search of something. What motivates you to look for things? Is it a mentality of: “If it gives me pleasure…if I get something.” The thing is…we look for what we value. 

In Luke 15, it talks about a woman who lost a coin. She was obviously not wealthy which was exactly why losing just one coin mattered so much to her. She searched and searched until she found it. The question to be asked is “who” or “what” is/are the lost coins? The answer is that those are outside of relationship with Jesus. Jesus is looking for those that everyone else stopped looking for. The problem is that often, sadly often, we put ourselves in a place where we place ourselves above others thinking they still deserve Hell… grace is for you and still for them, regardless of who they are or what they have done. How do we respond to this? Be intentional because love requires action. Its worth the investment to find the lost. If God values them, then we need to value everyone. When the lost is found, rejoice! 

 

Here are a few stories: 

“If God calls you, the safest place for you is in His will.” – Christian Shoemaker. Christian said that at the beginning of World War 1. He died of of smallpox in India. His wife stayed in India for another 33 years. Of his six kids, five are missionaries. The other is a pastor. To this family, people mattered. They were deeply valuable regardless of race, religion, background or anything else. 

Mary Curie was a woman in Lebanon- she was a Christian and Lebanon was a Muslim nation. She vowed that “I will obey Him”, and she did. One night she watched as each of her family members were murdered, shot by Muslims. They then shot her and left her body on the ground, only to be found days later still alive. She was completely paralyzed. Her response to the brutality of them, was this: “My life will be a prayer”. She vowed to pray for them daily, to pray for God’s love to be seen. 

Lillian Trasher, became known as the Mother of the Nile. That term doesn’t even give justice to this woman’s life. Lillian broke off her engagement to a great Christian man because she felt God was calling her to pick up and move to Egypt. So to Egypt she did move. While she was there, she was handed a baby by a dying woman. Her only response was to make sure that baby could have a chance at life- she nursed, got it healthy, and slowly became a mother to hundreds of kids in Egypt, as one by one her heart broke, and one by one she was going after the “lost coins”. 

You see with all of these stories, with plenty more just like them, these people were able to look beyond someone’s story, background, color or religion because they saw something else. They saw that every person on this Earth was created by God, with purpose, and are part of God’s love story. They believed every person was valuable and lived and died believing so. 

[This is from service three of “End of the world as we know it” Camp 2012 with speaker Garland Owensby/my thoughts]

We all want to know where we came from. We all have a start, a story, a beginning. Look at any adopted kid- so many of them have no clue to what their history is. They have no idea what their story is. They have no idea where they came from. In John 1, there is a direct link to Genesis. 

John 1:1-5
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him there was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it…the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

The terminology used might confuse you if you’re not familiar with this passage of the Bible but bear with me. This scripture directly references two things: 1) Creation 2) Christ as Creation. Jesus Christ has always been…and will always be. (Hi)story happens…history paired with His story of love is exactly what John was writing about. At one point he said to his disciples that he will build his church. But in the original Greek, he said “ecclessia”. This was extremely significant. At the time, the Romans ruled everything and because of that, a ton of people were outcasted, rejected, left out. Their version of “ecclesia” was, in essence, an assembly of rich voting land-owning men. When Jesus came around he wanted to show them how much he loved his people- his very Creation that he has loved from the beginning. He changed the definition of “ecclessia” by saying that by his love, all were accepted. He challenged his followers to go to everyone because they belong. 

The world may tell you that you don’t belong. Or the world may say that the disabled doesn’t belong. The different may not belong. But Jesus says that his love is greater than any of the world’s judgments, criticisms, or separations. Its time for his “ecclessia” to be built. Check out Galatians 3:26-29:

…for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slavet nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.

The world, the culture always looks to divisions and differences. True “ecclessia” looks to Jesus- his love and his story for us. With that we are all connected. We need to be there for each other- not in judgment or condemnation, but in love and compassion. Carry each others’ burdens because Jesus carried something that was never meant for him- the cross- our cross. To be the church- Jesus’ “ecclessia” we are to be one, supportive unit, that holds each other up, especially when we are weak or struggling. With that, we also hold each accountable and draw out the best in each other. That is the “ecclessia”…and you belong. It came from Christ, in the beginning.