This year I have made several commitments to some crazy things. These commitments were not simple last minute decisions made in spontaneity, but with prayer and much thought. They are intense physical obstacles that I will have to overcome. To be honest, some of them scare me. No,terrify me. But as a friend lovingly reminded me, if I want to do something like crazy missions work, be on the Amazing Race, or Survivor, I need to step up my game and do something about it. Well, I am and yes it scares me. Yes, it is already difficult. Yes, it requires a lot of discipline on my part. And yes, I am going to follow through on what I commit to. So in light of some of my decisions for this year, I found some great verses as encouragement when I want to give up or quit. 

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13

“…Let us run with endurance the race that is before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith…”  – Hebrews 12:1

“For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”  -Hebrews 12:11

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? …so glorify God with your body.”  – 1 Corinthians 6:19 

“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  – 1 Corinthians 10:31

“He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength…but they who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…they shall run and not be weary, walk and not faint.”  -Isaiah 40:29-31

“…So run to obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things…so I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control…”  – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”  – Colossians 3:23-24

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually.”  – Psalm 105:4

~~~~~~
“In Your Arms”
Marlena Copado

I see, my face, cupped in the hands of grace
My eyes are shut, I need you
And I know that You have me, I know that You have me …

I am, face down  humbled in silence, I’m found
Though I am scared, I’m not alone, You’re with me

I know that You have me, I know that You have me
In Your arms, in Your arms
You break through the sadness, You break through the dark,
I can hear You calling through the pain in my heart
And I know that You have me, I know that You have me, in Your arms 

I have, no other cost, my pride, I lay here now
I stand, in Your victory, come take me

I know that You have me, I know that you have me
In Your arms, in Your arms
You break through the sadness, You break through the dark,
I can hear You calling through the pain in my heart
And I know that You have me, I know that You have me, in Your arms 

I know that I’ll have those days, I will fall and I will stray away, but I need You
I know that I’ll have those times, I’m okay and I think I’m fine, but I always need You  

I know that You have me, I know that you have me

In Your arms, in Your arms
You break through the sadness, You break through the dark,
I can hear You calling through the pain in my heart
And I Know that you have me, I know that You have me, in Your arms
~~~~~~ 

“Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan…”

President Roosevelt continued with, what I would imagine, great pain and sadness in his heart as he addressed the nation about the attack on Pearl Harbor. Our nation in a single day lost thousands of men and women- service and civilians. Our nation was hurt. Wounded at our heart. Shortly after the attacks our nation retaliated in explosive force [literally] by something called the Doolittle Raids. The retaliation involved a mere 16 B-25 “Mitchell” bombers with 80 airmen total. Not much of a fight in comparison to the 300 that Japan attacked Pearl with. But our men of the Raiders bombed military establishments in Japan. However, unlike any other mission, the Raiders could not return to the aircraft carriers but to land…they had no choice but to crash land in China in hopes of avoiding the Japanese that had infiltrated the Chinese border. We lost some of the Raiders that day. Most returned home. Eight men became POWs, held captive by a merciless enemy.

This is one of their stories. I cannot help but be moved by this man, one of the POWs. He experienced Pearl and the tragedy along with the rest of our nation. He experienced the bombing over Japan. Such vengeance and hatred overwhelmed his heart. He wanted the Japanese to die painfully and without mercy. When his bomber was crashing over occupied China, he and his crew had to parachute out. For 40 months, Staff Sergeant  Jacob Daniel DeShazer was held prisoner by the Japanese, tortured and facing death every single day. For 40 months he had no idea when his death would happen, although he thought it was certain. For 34 of his 40 months, he awaited death in solitary confinement.  Most of the other POWs had already died. Only 3 made it home when the American armies invaded and freed the camp.

He was not the same man.

Physically DeShazer was malnourished, sick, and nearly dead. Mentally the isolation could have made him crazy. Mentally he could have given up a long time before he did. But Spiritually…something had changed. During his imprisonment, he needed a glimpse of hope- to which he finally received a Bible from his prison guards. They figured it would not matter. They figured it was only a book requested by a prisoner awaiting death. Though he only physically had the Bible for 3 weeks, God began to work on DeShazer’s heart. He saw the messages and stories of the Bible as reason enough to survive, and reason enough to not give up, and as reason enough to believe in a God that was greater than his imprisonment. In August 1945, DeShazer was freed and made his voyage home to America. He married and attended school…to be a missionary.

How can someone who had once be filled with such hatred toward the Japanese, been a prisoner of the Japanese, tortured and nearly killed at the hands of the Japanese decide to be a missionary to the Japanese? For DeShazer, it was the simple fact that God loves and he had to be that love to to his previous captors.

I find his story so incredible. How can I not be moved by the legacy of a man that lived out the forgiveness of Christ? In his forgiveness toward Japan, one of the leading Japanese officers of the Attack on Pearl Harbor came to know Jesus Christ. I have to believe that because of men and women like DeShazer, that my purpose is beyond myself and my situation, good or bad, can be used to glorify God, bringing hope to many. So on this day of December 7, remember this history. Remember those who died and fought valiantly. Remember the soldiers who defended our nation in one of the greatest wars in world history. But also remember the stories of men and women like Jacob Daniel DeShazer who chose to forgive the enemy that hurt him the greatest, because just as Christ died for him, he also died for them.

Unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment are poisons that we drink. We are not forced. We choose to be angry, hold grudges, and even hate.

Lately, I have been struggling with the idea of dreaming. Not the imagination that occurs within the subconscious paired with memories that happens during slumber. Instead, I refer to dreaming awake- having hopes, desires, vision, passion. Ultimately it comes to me knowing that there are things I want (or have always wanted) yet I remain doing nothing of the sort. I am in my mid 20’s and at an age that I always thought my dreams would already be in motion. However, what I have discovered is that my life, thus far, is not what I expected. It is not that I am unhappy but I am discontented with the idea of giving up hope on my dreams and passions. I think that deep within me, my heart burns for certain things, and those things, I believe, are God-given. They are not by accident nor are they without purpose.

Recently I have had other ideas and thoughts on my life- somewhat different than I always imagined. My point, is that I think God uses the gifts and talents that he created in each of us for his glory. He does not change, but we do. We mature. We focus them. We choose to honor him with our lives (or not). We can dream dreams all we want but our dreams should include God. With that, I believe our dreams should not only include God, but be driven by him. To be honest, some of my dreams- the pinnacles of my [future] life- scare the heck out of me. They are terrifying, yet beautiful. I believe my God birthed these dreams and ideas inside of me, to challenge me to achieve them. He wants to be a part of them. So as my life is slowly moving forward, I cannot see my dreams coming to fruition, yet I know God is doing something.

I remember a moment when I was hiking Mount Masada in Israel. It is not that intense of a hike, distance that is, but it is very steep.  My friends and I hiked Masada for the sunrise. It was exhausting, steep, and cold. Yet arriving to the top was worth the effort. It was worth watching the sunrise. I remember that moment: I sat down away from everyone, for just a brief moment, yet I was overwhelmed by God’s beauty. I was staring at the desert, the Dead Sea, and the sun. There was just something beautiful about seeing the rays of the sun spread over the barren desert. In reminiscing on that special moment, I know that right now, I am hiking that mountain. I am working my way toward the goal. The little steps in between check points on a hike matter just as much as anything else. Its about moving forward, step by step, even if it seems worthless or mundane. For me, I feel reminded to be obedient to God and see his love for me- his beauty. Maybe this will not make sense to you. I know my thoughts are kind of random. And I know for many who have hiked anywhere, places like Masada, may not seem things the way I did. Yet, I have to remain confident in the pursuit of something that is worth it. The little things in my life right now that I may think do not matter actually do matter.

There is power in the name of the Jesus.

Reading the book of Acts excites me about the Church or at least the True identity of the Church. Yet I feel like so many do not come close to understanding the real intention of the Church. I barely can grasp the true meaning. The theme that seems to show in the beginning of Acts is community, unity, and new believers being added to the Body. Anyone can just gather together. What set this group apart is that they were joined together and worshipped Jesus Christ knowing fully and believing in their hearts that he was [and is] their true Messiah. They believed fully in the Holy Spirit and its incredible and supernatural power. They believed and lived out the gifts of the Holy Spirit [1 Corinthians 12-14]- the Spirit promised by Jesus, being evident in their lives thus producing spiritual fruit [Galatians 5:23] in their own lives and their body of believers. It goes one step further. Their belief did not just stay in their fellowship during times they would be gathered together. It was lived out. The idea of the Church, in its core, is so vastly different than how we treat it. We treat Church as something to go to and not something to be. We treat it as something that remains stuck inside a wall, yet the moment one leaves the building they can be whoever they want. The Church of Acts, the beginnings of it all, was not a movement, not a building, not a catchy idea to go along with, but a group of individuals that were deeply changed by a God who loved them not because of anything they had or could ever do, but because of a deeper LOVE that had died for them. Because they were changed, and no longer stuck in their old ways- their sin, shameful, and mediocre lives- they were free to serve Jesus with their lives by bringing that LOVE to others, by living their lives with honor and purity and holiness, and believing that everyone, though completely undeserved, was loved by God greater than themselves. 

I feel like today the Church is so set on tolerance that we have forgotten true holiness. We are so consumed with this world and not offending someone or causing disagreement, that so many Churches no longer pursue the Holy Spirit, Christians that are radically living out Godly lives in purity and honor, or a quickly growing body of new believers. We have forgotten what the Church really is because this world does not like the real meaning. It is different. It is radical. It is powerful. To embrace it means change. To embrace it means to live by something out of your own control. And more, it means accepting the TRUTH of Jesus Christ and everything he lived and died for…and rose for. Yes, I do believe there are churches and Christians that are living out this true Acts meaning of the Church without compromise. Yet I see so many Christians today compromising the Word for the World. People justify tolerance and thus compromise what being a believer really means. When we [ yes I include myself in this knowing full well that I am perfectly imperfect and will fail at this] compromise the standards of holiness, purity, and godliness for being accepted by this world…we are becoming acclimated to it and no longer to God’s Word for us. We then are not the Church. We are not living it out. We are not changing. We are not living by the Spirit but instead by ourselves as our own gods, whatever those gods make be in our lives. 

Alas, there is hope. I believe, with great expectancy, that my generation, the era of the 20 somethings and younger, will be the ones that will be a catalyst for greater change. I have to believe, with some hope, that regardless of who compromises their lives in order to fit with the World, that God’s goodness and glory can still be found. We bear his image. We live in his creation. I have to believe that the Church will arise…and be. Not in a building. Not in a house. In the everyday, in the everywhere. Acts is the record of the Church forming. But I believe that its end is not here yet. We need His Spirit to move in our lives. We need His Love, purity, holiness, and goodness to be lived out in our lives. I hold to this and do not give up. 

It has been hard lately to write what I am thinking and feeling about where I am in life. Very hard. To narrow down the scope of what is circulating in my head would be an injustice because there is simply too much. I feel as though I am waiting, in great expectation, for something, not only unknown, but different than where I am now. I am on the verge of something that I cannot actually comprehend or grasp. I am at a time in my life where I am hitting pillars, things that I will always remember. I am not only a college graduate, I will be done my Masters Degree thesis paper in a matter  of weeks. I hit my first year mark in full-time ministry earlier this month. Other opportunities for ministry are coming, and for once in my life, I actually have the chance to take them. I feel like for two years God has me waiting for some things to change. For me to mature spiritually. For me to finish my Masters. For me to be content with singleness, however long that lasts. For me to invest in things financially because, right now, I can. But more than anything…to not be afraid to dream.

I guess what I am trying to say is that in this time of waiting, I have begun the preparations for the next season of my life. God has been stirring in my heart so many things that I can barely contain them. All I want is to serve and honor him with my life. All I want is to be…be present. In him. Be present in his purpose for me. Be present in where he has me now while preparing for where he has me going. All I want is to love him with the deepest parts of my being. No shame. No holding back. God has been stirring in me to really serve him. Relentlessly. To crave him. To pursue him. Its a call to hold myself to an even higher standard. With that, I feel like I have been more distant lately. More contemplative. I have been more desperate to know his heart, to really know him. I have been challenged to invest in other people. To love my neighbor…to love my enemies…to love. I feel like God is moving in me in a way that is new and different and exciting yet terrifying all the same. 

I wish I could make sense of this transition from waiting to preparing. I pray that God continues to lead me. I know, without any doubt, that God is doing something in my life far beyond my expectation. I can plan and prepare all I want. I can have desires. I can even have dreams, but if those are separate from God, they will fail. I need to be obedient to God and where he has me now, while praying and preparing for what is next, whenever “next” begins. We are but naive fools to think we are able to help further along the timing of God’s plans for our lives. Sometimes its just hard to wait. But he helps us prepare in the waiting, the transition and the follow through. I see where I have been, where I am now, and where God is leading. Its both beautiful and terrifying and utterly worth it all.