ugh…JUST ASK!!!

i love when things start to go in a direction you would like…God is great when he begins to bless you!!!

hum…its been a little stormy out…well i guess stormy is an understatement. its freakin thundering and lightening outside. i had to cancel going to the shore and participating in relay for life. and now i am sitting at home when i would rather be out somewhere else. i am freakin bored out of my mind. and i still keep thinking about the same petty crap.  its like as the storm rages on outside the storm inside of me has yet to subside. so often the winds and waves like to knock us down. and kind of beat us up.  however we can push through.  even petty stuff once it builds up is no longer simple and just a small aspect of life, it can become part of your life..a very asset to your existence.  so much goes on in our lives and it can get very confusing.  and thats what makes us human…which kind of stinks.  wanting something you think you can’t have or you don’t think you can get is just an awful feeling.  knowing something is within your grasp but realizing you can’t close on to grip…ugh…i am venting again…

wow…so much has happened in the past week.  i graduated. i saw my senior class and other students for the last time. my grandma who came out for my graduation had a stroke. i went to a bunch of graduation parties. i some bumpy roads with a few people…ugh! i lead worship on sunday night at youth group…apparently it was good. i went bowling with the coolest people ever…well some. i found my bible…woohoo!!!  i had my graduation party where i made $450.  i reunited a friendship with someone because we let other people kill it last year…after 10 months we are friends again!! then throughout all of this i have grown sooo close to God…i love it!!! he has helped me so much with stuff in the past few weeks…1 year anniversary of Jon dying.  friend issues…etc. 

while all of this has been going on…there has been sooo much on my mind!! i hate when you have so many things running through your mind and you cant get answers or think clearly. or when you want something so badly but someone else has it or wants it too….this is deeper than just material object. its just ugh….sometimes i would like to get this…or something like it….its like there is always a battle within us…well there is. but so often the devil knows where he can bother us and keep taking it away or keep us from something.  he can find the spot that just gets us upset, annoyed, angry, bitter, etc.  don’t get me wrong or anything…i am not really mad or upset…just really venting about pettiness. but he knows exactly where to get you.  just one time i would like to get this over someone else. i would like to, i guess figuratively…win.  whatever…this is where God comes in. he comes in and helps us in the stormy weather and the clear.  the easy and the hard. the petty and the intense. its about giving EVERYTHING to him…including the stuff that seems extremely petty to us. so God…its yours!!!

wow!! senior year is coming to a close.  graduation is tomorrow!!! i can’t believe that its ending.  and this is how i feel…

the school year for many is coming to a close or it already has. i am graduating in 2 days and now i think of what i will be remembered as even 2 years from now. how will people, my classmates remember me? so i thought this:

how do people SEE ME!?!? do they see me as a fun person to be around? an intellect? just a classmate? a friend? a jerk? a snob? a snotty christian who was too good for herself? a good christian with morals and standards? compromising person? a joke? waste of their time? worthless? NAMELESS….?

did i leave a good mark on people? or am a person people choose to forget? will people care to see me again? or forget me by grad bash? am i just masquerading these next 2 days? what have i done to people, said to people? or have i silently spoken into someone’s heart? or will i drift from memory? this question has come into my thoughts on many occasions lately knowing graduation is so near:

HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED BY THE CLASS OF 2006 OF LENAPE?
WHAT WILL MY LEGACY BE?

–mandy ingram–

life is amusing and entertaining however horrifying too.  hum….not much more to say.

God…he is amazing!! its funny how you see things work out.  like you are watching a movie or something that is completely unpredictable. you think you know what is going to happen then there is another thing added to the storyline.  I LOVE IT!! each day i wake up i know that it won’t be the same as the previous.  it will play out differently.  and this i have realized…why wait for something SPECIFIC to happen…wait until it does and then you are given an awesome surprise.  why get depressed over some stuff.  like guys for example…why bother getting upset. God has someone for each of us…so just wait. or like family stuff. school stuff. personal stuff. whatever…GOD HAS SOMETHING so just wait on him!!! ah this is why i love life. 

“life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re gonna get.”

forrest gump…though fictional….this quote is so true to our lives.  be optimistic even in the hard times because just like after rainy and stormy days…the sun comes out. so then will good things come out of the hard.  GOD YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

life…its quite interesting…

GOD YOU ARE AWESOME!! he leaves me speechless…i don’t really know exactly why i am so happy right now…but there are a few things that are at least part of it.  God is amazing and if you just give him YOU….he gives you MORE back!! ah…i love you!!!

God i am all for believing…i just need you…im confused and i need you!!