I have forgotten. Not entirely, but enough to discount things. I feel like this is an unending cycle that reminds me of what I must do. I have neglected my first love….again. It never completely leaves my head, but I often push it from being priority. My first love is more than a friend. He is a lover, my Beloved. He never fails me. He yearns for me, even when it isn’t returned. His heart aches for me to love him deeper. He weeps when I weep. His heart breaks for my brokenness. And still I am not lovesick. He loves me in spite of my lack of love.
Being lovesick means that I would be so deeply affected by this Love, that I would be unable to act normally. Instead, I would forever be changed by it and chasing it in passionate pursuit. Yet I do not. Not always. Just sometimes. Those moments where I do pursue this Love, I feel awake. Really awake. More than anything this Love makes me come alive. I want this feeling to be constant, not reliant of my attitude or circumstances, but always remain. This Love has changed me. Its been my sweet rescue, my victory, the song, the dance, and the beauty that surrounds me. Because of him, I want to be lovesick. I need to be lovesick to have a shot at being alive.