Thought I would share this letter with you.

 

 

Stop and breathe for a second. Realize this: God has done so much for you. He hasn’t left you, forgotten about you, or given up on you. Be still in His presence. This past year, 2011, was quite different and presented you with challenges. But you overcame them. At the beginning of the year you compromised, loved your flesh, and acted stupid. Stupid, immature, and disobedient to God. I’m not trying to be harsh with you but remind you that God is your everything and deserves your love, obedience, and honor. Because of your Flesh, yet brokenness before God, you were able to see His purposes. God reaffirmed so much within your heart. Refinement is probably one of the best words to use. Sometimes, Satan tries to distract you with things that look good or right. Like last year, he deceived you. Don’t worry, you grew stronger. Do you remember? STRONGER because your God has a purpose for your life. Plans, promise, and an anointing. He made you strong. For a majority of the year, as a sacrifice and way to allow more of the LORD to move in your life, you went on a dating fast/man-cation/sabbatical.  To be honest, it was very hard. You wanted to quit. You wanted to be just a normal 20-something. But God constantly reminded you that he had more. Do you understand what that means for you, even now? HE HAS MORE FOR YOU! Part of that fast was to focus on him, but another part of it was to become the woman of God you are called to become. 

Fall in love with God. Be captivated by His love. Fall in love, more, with your still unknown husband. No substitute. But your husband- your Beloved- is worth the sacrifices, frustrations, and even temporary lonliness. That is one of the greatest things God has showed you. Never forget that. You are beautiful and part of God’s GLORIOUS CREATION.  No one can tell you otherwise. You are called, by his grace and love, and cannot be stopped, except by your own self-defeat. So my advice to you is simply this: Don’t quit. even if you’re alone or feel abandoned. Persevere with any and all things God has called you. Serve God, first and foremost. Refinement may appear as suffering or pain but it is bringing forth God’s beauty more inside of you. Run. I mean it really. Run. RUN! Be free to use your body for His glory but honor God in the process. 2012 will be a challenge for you and by the time you read this, you’ll know. But press on. All the physical challenges- be disciplined. Spiritually…be disciplined! More than that, serve God- with that comes the heart of excellence.

So my challenge is simple. Do it. Run, in life, with dedication to God, rely on the godly men and women He has placed in your life, and live abundantly, not in success or wealth necessarily, but making the  most out of the life God has give YOU! Follow His voice and calling…ALWAYS. Even if you working as a missionary, paid minimum wages, or still remain at your job, follow Him. Single, dating, or married, follow Him. Be relentless in your walk with God. I’m not sure what else to say to you, but my prayer and hope for you is that when you read this letter, you are reminded of God’s goodness, provision, love, promise, and purpose. Take 2013 by the storm, moving in His passion, anointing, and joy. 2011 was an overall great year, with many challenges. 2012 will be better. Embrace this year. Live life abundantly. 

I find myself wide awake tonight…probably because I took an hour nap this afternoon. Yet,I have something on my mind. Have you ever met someone- the kind of person you cannot easily forget? There are those rare people in this world that are so few in existence that to forget them is nearly impossible because of the impact they have made on your heart and soul. You might know the person very well- maybe for years. You might know them because of what they stand for and you share in agreement with them. You might have only encountered them briefly…yet in those few moments you knew that there was something significant and different about that person. It may be a missionary you met, a friend, a professor or a stranger. But I hope one day you can meet one of those rare gems… the kind that shine no matter what, the kind that reveal beauty about the LORD, the kind that change you even in their passing by, the kind you cannot bring yourself to forget. The kind of person that will change the world for the better, regardless the length you were blessed by their presence and friendship.

I want to be one of those gems, the rare kind of person, that leaves their beauty and mark wherever they go. Someone remembered by the subtleties, the “behind the scenes” things I do, the things I do out of the overflow of my heart and not the pouring out of my pride. In my life, I have met a few of these people, and I can hope to embody at least some of that beauty and legacy.

Every few years I try to do something. Its nothing incredible or noteworthy, but its something that I can do. Cancer patients all the time are faced with a number of battles, including just trying to survive. Yet, something I found that I could actually help with- nearly a decade ago- is simply cutting off my hair to be made a wig. By me cutting of my blonde hair- undyed, unbleached, natural, virgin blonde hair- I can give some bit of encouragement in someone’s darkest days. It may be a wig, but it can definitely bring about a sense of pride and esteem that might have been lost along the battle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This changes me every time. Not just my hair, image, or how it shapes my face. It changes me deeply.

 

The past 24 hours have been bleak.

Last night, as I was in the process of unloading a van for moving back in with my parents, I heard a loud sound and horn somewhat distant from me. I ignored it because I was busy. I had already been packing and unpacking since 8am and it was, by this point after 10pm. I thought it might have been an accident but because I didn’t hear anything beyond the initial sound, I shrugged and continued on my way, eager to finish my task and go to sleep. However, sleep did not come for several more hours. Within minutes of hearing the sound, the street that goes alongside my house was filled with half a dozen cop cars, one EMT unit, an ambulance, a firetruck and various other vehicles. Right behind my house, not somewhere distant, a lone car had violently crashed into a large pole, bringing it to the ground, meanwhile the car flipped over and was laying on its roof. No doubt that car had become airborne. Seeing the car in the same it was, with the limited lighting from the stars and car lights, it wasn’t promising. What broke my heart even more was the fact that after half an hour of firemen looking at the car, cops looking in the trees and ditches around, and talking… the ambulance just simply drove away. The person died, so it seems. Just like that. I heard the sound. And the one time I decide to not check on the sound just to make sure, a life was [most likely] lost.

Today while cleaning my apartment, to which I have now turned in the keys for, I took a break and went on Facebook. To my shock, I saw the newsfeed full of grief, despair, hopelessness, and loss. Though details are still not concrete, around 27 people were shot at an elementary school in Connecticut- 20 of those victims were children between the ages of 5 and 10. The gunman shot himself. My heart is so deeply saddened. Innocent children brutally murdered. Executed. Lost. Other children left traumatized and broken. To think of the lives they will never get to live. Their families will forever have a whole with the face of Jenny, Luke, or whatever any of their names were.

What breaks my heart more than the loss of those children or the car accident victim last night is that this world is so deeply broken. The core of humanity is the very thing that can bring life or death. Its a matter of the heart. And when we reject Jesus or choose to do things our way, we open up the potential of all kinds of brokenness in our lives. Jesus is a hope that can bring healing, to which those families will all need. I hope they seek him. That they don’t blame Jesus for what happened to their son or daughter today. Jesus is the reason we can live with hope and real life. The gunman was broken too. Whatever his reasoning for his actions today, he was broken. Sin, hopelessness, and living a life without Jesus will lead us all down various roads of brokenness. But the key to everything is that we are broken without Jesus. Some people will choose to, in this case, bring guns into a school and kill children. Others will cheat on their spouse, lie, become a drunkard, rape or molest someone, honestly… the list can go on for pretty long.

I know with the shooting being fresh today in our minds, it can seem like that gunman is the worst person in the world. And to those families that lost their children, he probably will be the worst person to them. But we have to understand something: Jesus is the answer and without him, we are nothing but lost, broken people. Whatever your hurt might be tonight, whether you’re grieving over the loss of those children, or an accident like last night, or your marriage is falling apart, or life is just hard… give Jesus a chance at showing you how beautiful and incredible he is and can be in your  life. He can heal your hurt, free you from addictions, restore broken relationships in your life, and so much more. He loves you… deeply he loves you. And he aches for us to respond to that love. To live a life, to the best we can, letting him heal our brokenness. He is the answer to what we need.

 

I cannot help but be grateful. Grateful is not even a word that brings justice to how I feel. As I walked through Arlington National Cemetery, I had one of the most sobering experiences of my life. Grave after grave, tombstone after tombstone, I walked silently crying. These were not simple decorations or even just memorials. Memorials used to mean something- something significant happened or someone did something extraordinary. They are not landmarks. They are symbols, jewels of history. Walking the mile, so it seemed, to my friend’s gravesite, I had this sense of respect, honor, and legacy that I have never felt before. Those men and women buried there were not mere men or women. They were not ordinary. They lived and died in purpose, with a cause birthed in their hearts. America. Family. Friends. Brotherhood. Freedoom. Whatever their reason, it was enough for them to lay it all down. To the point of death, it mattered that much. Yes, I am aware that not every person buried in Arlington died in action or due to injuries post war, but for the vast majority, they lived with purpose, and died with abandon. I believe they are heroes. I have the utmost respect for soldiers of any branch of service. It involves sacrifice to a degree. But seeing a soldier’s grave, like my friend’s, reminds me so much more of sacrifice worth having, one that impacts history, leaves a legacy, and saves lives. My friend died protecting his men. He died in the service of freedom and honor. Thank you to all soldiers out there.

 

It has been about a month since my last post largely because of one reason: pneumonia. That’s right I was the hacking and coughing and sneezing and winded mess that people stared at in public hoping the would not catch the unknown-to-them disease I carried around.  Yes, I was indeed that person. But you see over the past month a lot has happened and I have definitely have had plenty of time to be reflective.

You see on October 20th, I participated in an event called The Tough Mudder which is a 12 mile, 22 obstacle physically challenging event definitely not created for the untrained, ill-prepared or lazy. Even having trained for months, I still greatly struggled through the event. It was also 55 degrees outside. I competed with a team, and they are largely the reason I was able to finish. Them and of course God. Read my previous TM post and you will hopefully understand my logic a bit more. During the event we were cold, freezing in fact, as the race begins with a gigantic ice bath followed by 12 miles of mud, muddy terrain, water, muddy water, and ridiculous obstacles like climbing a 12 foot wall, jumping off a 20 foot dock into muddy water, and crawling through piping full of merky water. Oh and did I mention there was mud? After 5 hours [way longer than normal averages], an injury, all of us bruised and tired, exhaustion and definitely cold, we made it across the finish line. I can’t even tell you how incredible that moment felt running over that marking holding hands with my two good friends Danielle and Kasey and being crowned with the official finish line Tough Mudder headband following by scarfing down clif bars, water, and fruit. It was finished! Hoorah!

Accomplishment!

 

I cannot even begin to tell you how timely the Tough Mudder was for me personally. It was something I knew I had to do- again read my previous post about the TM. But it was also something that taught me a ton. Basically toward the end of the race, I felt sick but refused to quit. Not the kind of throw up sick but just… off. On Sunday morning, the day after, I awoke to find myself achy in every part of my body, bruised like I had been beaten, cut up, and weak. On top of that I sounded like a chain smoker. Every day since that Mudder I have been sick- that is until now- one month later. Like antibiotics, can’t stand up, look like death sick. Yet none of that mattered to me because I knew I had accomplished something great… for me.

When I say this event, and even being sick, was timely I mean it. In the week following, I watched while laying basically on bed rest, as Hurricane Sandy destroyed my beaches and my state [read my previous post]. For about a week and half I worked at a shelter for displaced people of Hurricane Sandy. Yes while being on an assortment of prescribed drugs I worked 12 and 14 hour days for over a week. My heart breaks for my state. Disaster does not come at convenient times nor does it ask us for permission to change everything. It just comes. I did not feel that being sick excused me from helping those that lost everything. A week after Sandy, during my time volunteering at the shelter, a second storm hit. In many places, it left over a foot of snow. It was not time for me to be comfortable or okay with standing by and watching.

You see what I have learned in this past month is that no matter the obstacle ahead, no matter the storms that come, no matter the devastation left behind, we have to persevere. We have to get back on our feet, wade through the mud and water if necessary and get to the finish line. The finish line still isn’t here yet for us. But we need to try our best, at all times, no matter what, to push through and not give up. Life will push us down. It will try to, sometimes literally, crush us under its waves. It may, again literally, take everything from us. But this it cannot take- our hope in Christ. Life is going to be hard. But push through and press on because its in the victories over our obstacles that we can look back and say we accomplished something extraordinary.