While still fresh in my mind, I feel I must share something with you, whoever you are, reading this blog. God has lately been showing me something that, although I have known for a while, a reminder is always key especially when one is not actually living out that which they already know. ITS NOT ABOUT ME. It never has been. Yet my own pride gets in the way of a lot of things that God is wanting to do in my life. Why do I feel the need to take the credit for either my success or even failures when ultimately all of my focus needs to be on God? I was scheduled to preach in church today. I understand that I am not a great preacher, but I am a decent public speaker. I love talking. That can be both a blessing and a curse- I have experienced it both ways. However, I knew this Sunday was different. God has placed a message on my heart more than a month ago and I could not remove it from my mind. I knew it was no longer a message for me personally, but for others as well. Leading up to today, I felt such stress, frustration even, paired with doubts and insecurity. I knew this message was for others yet I was still getting in the way.

Finally something clicked- a reminder of God’s call on my life for this Sunday [and pretty much my entire life]. It is not about me, so how dare I even have the right to be stressed or doubting when God will give me the words to speak. If I am being faithful to God, walking in obedience to his commands, then I will see him work within me. I felt such a peace this morning as I reviewed my sermon once more. During the musical worship set, I just had a sense that God was already present and showing himself to be real and the best part was- I had nothing to do with it. When I went up to speak, midway in my message, I stopped looked at my notes and just spoke. Frankly, I do not even remember a lot of what I said. I just knew that the message I was speaking was not from my heart or mind but from God’s and he was using me a vessel for that message. With words that I cannot recall, passion that came from his heart, and a boldness that came from his strength, I spoke that message. Talk about humbling. God decided to use me, a simple 23 year old to speak about obedience to God to many who were older. As the words left my lips, conviction still wrestled in my heart. It was a good conviction. A conviction that God does not need me yet chooses to use me.

So with this, I encourage you. God wants to use you despite the fact that he does not need you. Not for anything. But he wants to use you because it gives him glory when we honor him. When we are obedient to his call on our life, he will use us. This morning was just a facet of the calling on my life, but it rests as an example of God using someone unworthy, yet made worthy by grace. The same can be for you. It is never about us, but about God. His love, truth, purity, holiness, and grace. No matter what we do, it always need to be focused and centered on him. That will bring him glory. And it most certainly should humble us before an incredible God.

Spending time in Costa Rica, I was very contemplative on a lot. The scenery was breathtaking and awe-inspiring. My God created it! He created the mountains, the ocean, the skies, the flowers. His Creation, just simply put, brings me to my knees.

It is not even the Creation. But God has also created us to enjoy it, to take part in it and be…to be beings of joy. We were able to go snorkeling in the water. Though the water was not perfectly clear, I was able to see fish and creatures of all sorts of colors. Again, God’s marvelous Creation. Later, we had planned on going zip-lining through the mountain jungle. That particularly excited me because it was something I got to cross off my bucket list. Yes, I seriously have a list. Anyway, to zip-line we hiked up the mountain- which I loved- then zip-lined down. Hanging high above the tree line causes adrenaline to flow through the body. I loved it! It was so exhilarating. At the end of the zip-line, the guides gave 3 of us an opportunity to do a free-fall jump. I immediately seized the moment. It was a free-fall off a 70-foot tower. It was similar to bungee jumping, only my waist had the harness, not my feet. Standing atop the tower, it was somewhat scary, only because I knew I had to jump to get down. Jumping meant plunging to the ground then getting slingshot back up. Honestly, it was one of the greatest rushes of my life. I believe God has created us, his Creation, to enjoy this earth- that includes things like zip-lining and bungee jumping. It may seem crazy, but I believe it can even honor God. God says my life is meant to be lived in abundance and joy, to his glory.

Rather than writing a reflection for everyday I spent in Costa Rica, I am compartmentalizing everything, breaking it all down into a summary of our trip.

I love being able to be around kids, no matter where that is. Several mornings on our trip, we had an opportunity to work at a government run orphanage. We had prepared a VBS for the kids everyday, sharing stories from the Bible, ultimately teaching them of God’s love. It was quite a challenge. These kids were not from Christian backgrounds. Instead, their lives have been shaken through various obstacles- abandonment, death, disease, or disaster. Somehow they ended up at an orphanage. Though some of the kids were respectful and had joy, others were dripping with bitterness, anger, and above all, brokenness. I believe God did use our team to minister to them, even if we did not seem tangible evidence. Even if just one kid was able to find God in the midst of their situation, it was far worth it.

[Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” – Matthew 19:14]

One of the afternoons we had another opportunity to work at a different orphanage. Let me say- it was very different. It was faith based, ran by an American couple that has sacrificed everything to help these kids. This particular orphanage was considered more of a permanent home because these kids will most likely not get adopted, for various reasons. Though their situation is not ideal, and for some even grim, their attitudes and behaviors were far different than the kids at the first orphanage. These kids recognized the grace of God in their lives, despite their circumstances.   These kids gave and received love, whereas the first did not even really know how. But that is ministry. That is the Message of God’s love, reaching out with deep love and compassion, regardless of the type of response.

On our first ministry day in Costa Rica, we had an incredible opportunity to take us way from our comfort zones and into a world that we have never lived. On that Monday afternoon, rain was pouring day and beginning to thicken the mud on the ground. As it poured, we went to a store to buy groceries for several families that were going hungry. Once the grocery bags were filled with the necessity items, we loaded our vehicle and headed to the poorest community in Costa Rica. The neighborhood rests on a hill where landslides and mudslides are not uncommon. Those homes were far from being real houses. They were small and simply wood [or dirt] floors, with poorly boarded walls and a tin roof. As we walked to houses, we had to go up a steep hill first, that was thick with mud and rushing water, yet this was all they knew. Our shoes were muddy within seconds of being off the bus and we were soaked in an instant. But we moved forward with purpose. House after house we went in, invited by the woman of the house, to bring groceries and a prayer. The families consisted of the woman of the house- the men simply do not exist because they abandon their families for drugs, gangs, or jail. The woman care for their kids, numbering up to 7, along with any grandchildren. They refuse to abandon them. As we stood in each home, water leaked through. Tears ran from our eyes, because we saw a hope restored in each family. They received food, allowing them to eat that week. A true blessing. Beyond a blessing, for me, it was a humbling and truly moving few hours. I entered their world. I saw only a glimpse of their everyday struggles. And yet so many of them are faithful to God because he is their rock and their only hope. Without groceries they would starve, but without God, they would go hungry…

Below are pictures from this food distribution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been in a strange place for the past two years. It may not be strange to you, but I have been in a season of “no” followed by “wait”. You see, one of my greatest passions is traveling and more importantly, missions. Going into a culture that is not my own with a language that I may or may not be able to speak. To enter into a world of poverty, desolation, and hopelessness- that is where I find myself complete. To see the smile on a child who I gave a toy, see the joy of little girls playing with my blonde hair, the tears rolling down the face of someone given food…there is no greater joy. Even with the toil, hardship, frustration, or lack of response, I’d still prefer to be there than here.

But for two years, God has had an interesting journey I have been following- different than what I had expected. August of 2009 marked the last missions trip and international journey I had been on, though since I had tried to go on others. During these two years, trip after trip I tried to plan, yet my God kept telling me “no” then “wait”. Talk about testing patience and have your heart ache because that which you love most, you cannot do.

I could not understand how quickly though I felt an immediate “yes” response to this trip to Costa Rica. A dear friend of mine told me how she was planning on going back to Costa Rica. Immediately I said I wanted to go because in my heart I finally felt release. God was allowing for me to return home… Okay you might be saying that home for me is obviously in New Jersey. But home is the place that I consider most at peace in my heart and in the place I know God has me. To me, home, is my missions. My journeys. It takes me all over the world, but it is where God holds my heart. So arriving in Costa Rica was such peace, deep within my heart, because it was exactly where God wanted me. My waiting had finally come to an end [at least for now].

I want to BE…
whatever that looks like.

After two weeks of high school and middle school camps, I have been given a challenge. This challenge was birthed not in games or activities. Instead, it was birthed at the altar while praying over students who desire more of God in their lives. Being in the ministry, I pray for people often, counsel people, and of course have Christian fellowship. But the difference I saw at this altar with these students was not the altar itself, but the people. A boy with autism worshipped God without regard to how his voice sounded or if he looked ridiculous. He was not trying to impress anyone. He loved God and that was enough for him. I listened with tears running down my eyes and conviction in my heart.

For the past two weeks, there are so many stories similar to this one, many of which made me cry. If I could have but childlike faith, once more. This challenge was for me to recognize the beauty of worship as a lifestyle, as a dance, as a song, and above all, an encounter with God in spite of surroundings. It was not the extravagant prayers of a pastor, an evangelist or a elder. It was the simple yet deeply heartfelt prayers of 11, 12, and 13 year olds. Wow. Two days since the last service and they are still touching my heart. God moved my heart through a child. Never look down on them. Ever.

[Notes from Junior High Camp with guest speaker Brian Porzio]

Have you ever watched a sports game [of any kind] when things may be going okay, but then something happens and the game completely changes for the better? Usually it is because one person gets into the game and completely alters the mentality and the morale of the game, igniting something deep within the rest of the players. 

That is exactly what happened to the disciples in Acts 2. The disciples loved God and were doing good things, but God clearly had more for them. The Holy Spirit [the game changer] so greatly challenged the disciples to become all they could be that they all knew they wanted to be changed. 

The baptism of the Holy Spirit is not about speaking in tongues or doing some miracles. That is a misconception among many believers. Instead the baptism of the Holy Spirit is about letting the very Spirit of God infiltrate our hearts and change us to be the best people we can be. With that, we will be given incredible abilities to do things outside our human nature. It is getting to know the heart of God and desiring his fullness in our lives. The baptism of Holy Spirit is that fullness, the spirit of God deep inside of us. You- a mere human- are a temple of God’s spirit. The baptism is about being immersed in his presence and spirit. It is a powerful infilling of God’s love inside of you. The disciples experienced that love, that infilling. It was not about the supernatural things that came with it. It was about them waiting on God to do something incredible in their lives and sharing that with others. They were excited, passionate, and on fire for God because they had encountered him beyond some prayer monologue. They wanted ALL God had for their lives. The Holy Spirit was the “game changer” in their lives. 

Why would you want to live your life knowing there is more for you?  

[Notes from Junior High Camp with guest speaker Brian Porzio]

Do you ever have the urge to do something crazy when you see something bad happen? You are not alone. In Numbers 25:1-9, a man named Phineus did just that. God’s people, the Israelites, were living lives far from purity and holiness. They were sinning. Sin, put simply, is acting on a desire, thought or temptation that is against God- all sin is disobedience to God. So the Israelites were very much going against God and acting in great impurity. God has called us- his church, his people- to be different and he sets us free to live a pure and holy life. Sin, however, compromises our ability to know God. Thankfully, God’s grace is infinite but God wants us to live our lives in purity. 

You may be wondering what purity looks like. Purity is when your thoughts, actions, desires, behaviors, and words are in alignment to God’s, removing sin from your life. Sin is destructive. What destroys the sacredness of our lives? For Israel, in Numbers 25, they were letting sexual perversion to corrupt their lives. Sin entered and began destroying the people. Because the people were not being obedient to God, allowing for the sin to remain, God sent a famine to the land until the sin was dealt with. You see, in our lives, sin will destroy us if left to itself. It is shameful, leads to guilt, and prevents our testimony to have credibility. To the world, we look exactly the same, or even like hypocrites, saying we are holy, but living in direct opposition to what God has called us to- purity. 

Everyone worships something. The question is not do you worship but what do you worship? Is it sex, much like the Israelites? Is it media- video games, music, movies, etc.? It is some form of addiction [alcohol, drugs, pornography, etc.]? Whatever you spend the most time, money, passion for, if not directed to God is an idol. Whatever sin that might be in your life, that is keeping you from the purity and holiness God has called you to needs to be dealt with immediately. Holiness has never been about what you think but God and purity is caring about God’s heart. God is calling us to a higher standard. We were meant to pour God’s “living water” [that is in us] and pour it into others. We cannot do that with consistent sin in our lives. 

Look at it this way: Take an empty pitcher and add clear fresh water to it. It is pure and and contaminated. Add skim milk to it. The water is mirky but still relatively pure. Then add chocolate milk. The orange juice. Not too much, but just a little. Then put a few spoonfuls ketchup, mustard, and mayo. By now the water is obviously no longer what is once was. It is impure, dirty, and completely contaminated. We find ourselves adding crap to our lives. Add finely broken pieces of glass. Slowly, but surely, we find ourselves with something fatal in our lives, just like the glass in the pitcher. The shards of glass are almost unnoticeable but surely fatal. 

You see, like Phineus in Israel, he saw that sin, impurity, and unholiness had become part of their lives and needed to be stopped. He saw a man from his tribe bring into the Israelite camp a pagan woman so he could sleep with her. With that he grabbed a spear and drove it through BOTH people and immediately the famine and deaths in the Israelite people ceased. This story is not about the punishment on the two individuals that were killed, but instead Phineus’ actions against something evil that was destroying their lives. He drove a spear through it.

What do you need to take up a spear against? What sin is in your life? What impurity or unholiness is keeping you from God? You cannot love God and live an impure life. That is not option and this is not a game. One day you end up on one side or another- there is not fence. Take up your spear or become a casualty of your own sin. 

[Notes from Junior High Camp with guest speaker Brian Porzio]

We all have to reach a point in our lives of great reflection and thought on where we are. It is of self-reflection that we realize what God could be trying to speak to us. Are we listening? In Revelation 2:1-7, John wrote to a church in Ephesus. In this section of the letter, John was basically saying that God holds the stars and world and sees everything. It was like they were doing church right…with one exception. After listing all the great things of their church, John wrote, “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first”. The church of Ephesus forgot why they were doing ministry, why they were serving, and ultimately their entire purpose. They had become so consumed with other things in their lives, that they forgot the very thing that started it all. Jesus was no longer considered their “first love”. 

A first love can and often will consume the individuals involved. It can become obsession. It can be beautiful. Above all, it is exciting, powerful, enthralling, and moving. When you really love someone, everything else falls into place. Ephesus has lost their love for God. Now we, modern day people, whether you believe in Christ or not, have to go back to Genesis, and see the beauty and purpose of God’s creation. God’s fingerprints are on creation…we are made in his very image! 

Inside us there is a longing for God…it is what we were designed for. It is who we are. If we are made in God’s very likeness- his image- we have to understand how deeply he loves us. God’s love makes everything else not matter. When we have intimacy with someone else it means you know them deeply. Unlike the world’s opinion of intimacy, very little of it has to do with sex. Instead, it is about loving God and taking the time to get to know him. God wants to share his dreams, desires, and ultimately his heart with you. His dreams are pure. He is the epitome of love. God also wants to know your heart and for you to be open and honest with him. 

So here is the question…have you taken time to get to know God, hear his heart, but also share yours? God is seeking for you to captivated in a love so deep and pure. Have you wasted your affections, attention, love, and even desires on things that don’t matter rather than serve and love God wholly? I know I struggle with serving my idols instead of serving God who offers a journey of discovering him. Here is the challenge: find that place, that “grassy knoll” that you can encounter God and learn his heart and ultimately fall deeply in love with him. Your “grassy knoll” needs to be a place where you can meet with God in solitude, in worship, and in love. He wants you to discover him and walk with him as a first love…

…when you fall in love, you just stop looking. 

I know I have stopped looking and fall more in love with God everyday. What about you?