So here I am sitting in our bed & breakfast in Jerusalem, Israel. We got to Israel around 2pm Israeli time after over 24 hours of traveling. It is so beautiful. The main languages are Hebrew, Arabic, and surprisingly English [though not great English]. To the Arabs we are customers for their markets and the Jews we are Gentiles and need to be avoided. That is a weird concept to me and something I am not used to. It is Shabbat [Sabbath] from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday. We just happen to be staying in the Orthodox Jewish community. In the Arab market today, we saw a fight and two of our girls were asked for marriage. We went to the Jaffa gate and ended at the Damascus Gate of the Old City. When we were lost, the Arabs gave us incorrect directions. We won’t be asking them again. Oh and the food so far is incredible! I can’t wait to try more! So here is my brief update of the trip.
Author: MJ
i hate when there are these deep desires within your being that penetrate everything you. they rest at your core. you are empty without them. that is me. this one thing, more than anything, i desire. without it i feel empty and broken. i am not talking about God. yes he is my everything and my first love, but what i talk about is not a spiritual love or desire, but rather a human desire. i think about this daily…it consumes me. the more it lacks from my life, the greater my desire becomes. i can’t explain it but something inside me refuses to let go…
Presidential Elections 2008—i am disgusted
Okay yes Obama won and McCain lost. Let me explain how my evening went
on a Christian university campus:
I was sitting in my dorm room writing a paper, not watching the
election info. This was a little before 11 pm. All of a sudden I heard
a roar break out outside my building. To my surprise I walked out of my
dorm room to find Obama supporters and McCain supporters screaming. The
Obama fans were cheering in joy and praise while the McCain supporters
were responding saying Obama is the anti-christ, etc. Okay seriously.
Did that really happen? Noise like crazy. Now mind you I am an RA on
campus therefore things involving noise past 11 pm I have to deal with.
I thought it was something simple. I began to ask people politely to
quite down. I was not focusing my attention on one group of supporters.
Soon enough most of the RAs around campus had to begin to walk around
calming people. For over two hours I asked people to respectively cheer
[or mourn for the McCain supporters] to find other places away from the
dorms.
This is where I am angry and disappointed at students at Southeastern
University, BOTH Obama and McCain supporters!!! So-called christian
students slander another individual saying he is the anti-christ
however that is arrogant and self-righteous. I heard so much talk about
McCain being the godly man and Obama being the devil that I felt sick.
But it got worse. In my process of asking people to calm down, a
certain group of African-American individuals felt the need to slander
me. Now I am no racist. I am anything but a racist. I have friends of
every race and ethnic group! I never once mentioned or implied my
political status or the like, however this group of African-American
individuals felt the need to call me a Nigger Hater [sorry for the
language!]. Tell me that wasn’t a racist comment by them?! They
continued to say that if McCain won we [the RAs] wouldn’t be doing
anything about the noise. Yeah so how could they make that claim
without me ever stating my beliefs to begin with?
So here is what I think. Southeastern University, as well as the
church, is divided and ungodly. The fact that Jesus stood for order and
unity yet we can’t even act like Christians without division?! Really!?
I am sick to my stomach right now because of the things, the words, the
actions, that I saw on a campus that is supposed to represent God. I
don’t care if you voted Democratic, Republican, or third party-
REPRESENT GOD BEFORE POLITICS! We as the church wonder or play the
blame game as to why our nation is the way it is. Here is my answer: we
have failed our nation by representing ourselves instead of God.
So now we have a new president. Congrats! Really I do mean that because
I feel that the man who won is the person God intended to win because
it was right. Right doesn’t always mean godly, good, or anything else.
And I don’t mean that to say anything against Obama either. Mainly I
wanted to point out that FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS we have President
Obama. We may not be able to know what God is doing but there is
something we can do. Prayer is powerful. If you voted for Obama then
congrats. If you voted for McCain then oh well. Regardless of your
political stance, prayer for your leaders and those established in
authority is Biblical. If you want change in either way, PRAY FOR IT!
God now just asks for obedience from His body, however dis unified it
might be, to take a call to prayer. I leave you with this:
II Chronicles 7:14
“If my people who are called by my name, will humble themselves and
pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear
from Heaven and I will forgive their sin and I will heal their land.”
[Oh and no political debate on what you believe regarding McCain vs. Obama- I will delete it]
life is always surprising…though its half of the fun. just take a breath and go with it.
three months have flown by since i first got home for the summer. i have such mixed emotions about this summer and about leaving. its hard. i am at a place in my life where i have never been happier. God has been so great. i have some of the best friends i could ask for…its a blessing really because i don’t deserve them. i am finally seeing my church in a state of hunger and thirst for God, after years of it being dead. i finally know what it feels like to have a boyfriend- now five months into it, i am so thankful. over the years i was angry a lot because i was never chosen or asked out by guys. finally i have an incredible guy, without him i wouldnt be this happy. its a surreal feeling. but next week it all changes. i am going back to florida for the third year to devote all my time an energy into my jobs and school…really not much else. i have to leave my church that i love, my friends that i adore, and my boyfriend that i can’t stop thinking about. i know its part of the college life and its only for a time.
but its a weird feeling. two years ago i hated being home. i hated everything about and i never cared to come back. i was bitter and angry about a lot. in two years God has really shown me a lot. i appreciate everything and everyone so much more now. God has taught me a lot about his plan. now two years later, though i love my school and my friends there, i love being here. its the simple things now that i am scared to give up. i am simply scared about everything. i am going to be a leader at school this following year. its crucial that i let God lead me in everything at all times. i am scared that distance will cause problems with my boyfriend back home. i am scared that my friends back home will forget about me in the midst of their schedules and planning of their lives- theirs weddings, their futures. i am scared because i graduate college soon and still need so much direction for my life. i am scared that i am unready about a lot. fear is everything right now for me.
“i let go of all my lust
i let go of my pride
i let go of all my bitterness
and all the things i hide
i let go of all my pain
i let go of the fame in my name
and i find myself, find myself in you”
this song speaks wonders to me. so often i let other things distract me. so often i allow all that i am take away from all that i could try to be- my potential is completely hindered when i allow these things to come in. when i lust, i take away from the image of God my perverting it. with pride i think of my self better than others, with really no reason at all. bitterness creeps in and takes over and destroys. i hide things all the time. my pain consumes me and all i can do is think about it. sometimes i like myself, “my” life too much. but when i get off that pedestal of some crazy superiority i will find all that i am, all that i can be in God, in my saviour. its a hard realization to handle. mostly, we all fail at this but we need to try to let go of all that we are and let God take over. I LET GO…OF ME!
I don’t even know what else to say. I don’t have any words. I am broken. I am confuse. I am at a complete loss. Everything I have thought of to this point or believed, has been thrown down and broken- shattered.
God where do I go from here? What am I supposed to believe? What am I supposed to do?
i don’t even know what to think.
i am lost and confused…completely unsure.
it’s been a little while since i last wrote one of these entries. to be honest i figure most people don’t read them anyways. they are usually used as my venting because i am also usually up rather late.
and here is my rant. i am confused. i am at a loss. how can something be so right to you when other people you love disagree? how can you feel something but still be so unsure and lost? why can’t things just be definite? everything right now is weird and i am not sure how to take it. i don’t know.
sleepless nights. the exact thing that has been happening to me all week. but regardless of things that penetrate my mind and keep it awake…i rest in God.
beyond the mundane 