wow. life. it comes at you fast and you have to face it.  why? sometimes things happen and you aren’t sure why. 

i love college and God rocks!!! ENOUGH SAID!!!

HUNGER AND THIRST!!!!! GOD STILL MOVES!!!!!

wow…life seems so surreal now. i am leaving for college in less than 2 days. i can not begin to comprehend that this IS my life now. i am going to college. i am leaving home. so much lays ahead of me and so much behind me. so often we dwell in the past and are anxious for the future. i think we go about life in the wrong way too often. we ponder on the past and what did happen or what did not happen. we allow memories to almost taunt us and reoccur over and over again in our mind. we also allow our future, of which we are never certain, to drill our lives and force its own fate upon us. the way i see it is that we need to look at our past, whether failures, losses, acheivements, or tragedies, and use them to help mold our character and our lifestyles. change what needs to be changed and allow for the future to set in. we need not worry for the future, however, we should be ready for it and face it when it comes. create your life. design and make alterations when necessary. sometimes it takes a leap of faith to begin your life and see where you are going. sometimes it is a huge risk to take that leap whether it is blind or in full sight. but what i have learned is that regardless of the situation and circumstances that will take place, i have to leap toward the life God designed for me. its my destiny to freely run into his arms and embrace the future and goals God has for my life. so whether my life is surreal, it is my reality. i have to go for what God has and not dwell in the past or worry about what’s ahead. i have to LEAP!!!

“one thing i know: forgetting what is behing and straining toward what is ahead…i press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God has called me heaveward in Christ Jesus.”

God is amazing!! he gives you power in times when you feel weak. when you feel defeated and beaten by life….like you need to give up and give out….thats when the power comes in. when you put full faith in God….david could kill the GIANT goliath and was undefeated!!

so often in life we are scared to face things….we are scared for going after something that is seemingly impossible and challenging. we are scared to face the GIANTS in our life….no matter what specifically that might be. we all have struggles, challenges, and battles in our lives that we so often fear and are scared to FACE!!! when you walk around lacking faith because of fear you are already defeated before you face whatever challenge in your life…

but when faith and fear COLLIDE….defeat is much more distant. when you allow God to come into your life and work in you…that faith gives you faith THROUGH your fear to face the giants in your life. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH FAITH!!!!!!!!!!


–mandy–

beautiful you
        what else could i do
                but open up my arms
and dance with you


*wild romance*

God i need so much of you right now.  you are beautiful and need to realize that.  God i need your love in my life.  help me God to not be bitter about the hypocrisy in the church.  help to embrace it and CHANGE IT!!  help me God to not be bitter about people, friends, and leaders who have betrayed me, hurt me, used me and backstabbed me.  help me to not remain bitter about the guys who have hurt me, lied to me, and destroyed my spirit.  revive me and help me to FORGIVE.  I NEED YOUR FORGIVENESS IN MY LIFE!!  i need to open up my arms to you.  embrace what you have for me.  i want to have a wild romance with you and DANCE!!!!! 

hum.  yup this is how i feel.  when did the church feel it was okay to act like sodom and gomorrah? when did the church become anorexic? when did christians think being a christian is just work? no if you take the LABEL AS A CHRISTIAN you better as heck LIVE THE FREAKIN LIFE!!! 

when was it okay for people to stop caring about others?  they don’t even realize how much other christians hurt because they are too caught up in themselves.  so many people are SILENTLY CRYING OUT for someone to help….but no the church is lazy.  the church lacks compassion and care.  when was the last time other people set up and tore down the chairs at church? when was the last time other people did the ministries that seem challenging and possibly scary? when was the last time someone reached out to another person, not because of who that person is but who that person NEEDS? 

when was the last time the NICE GIRL GOT THE GREAT GUY??  yeah chilvary is dead.  why do guys think it is so great to tell a girl that they like them, then play them?  yeah girls definitely DON’T have feelings….yeah right.  freakin hormonal jerks that play girls to get what they want then they realize they don’t want to get involved.  freakin pansies…stand up and be men!! take a risk for someone who is worth fighting for and have something GREAT.  why is is that they have to settle? comfortable with keeping a girl as a possible back up rather than having her as his prize…why have i suddenly become invisible?  people just don’t see me anymore.  why?  am i not worth going for? or am i intimidating?  yup…story of my life. 

why is it that so often they are blind and can’t see what is out there?  there is such much more than what people feel they can grasp!!!  as this point i don’t really know what to say.  all i know is college is becoming my great escape.  do i need a reason to return home?  what’s left for me?  anything at all? 

12 days….my bittersweet scapegoat.

i wish i had words

don’t you just wish when you need someone to listen that they would respond. its like sometimes you want someone to hear what you have to say and then do something about it…its so frustrating.

two weeks…i wish i could find words and feelings…i seems like things are crashing…

its been so wierd lately. i feel like i am watching my life pass me by from another place. i feel that its not me. distant or something. i am not really sure. but what i am sure of is that life is no longer the same that it has been. everything is rapidly becoming different and its quite honestly scary. there is so much that i want to happen before i leave for school and i have such high doubts that any of it will happen. knowing i want it to happen but also knowing its just a hopeless dream i am living. i also realize that so much else is occuring. i am leaving behind my parents and all of my best friends who i care so much about. its becoming so lonely and nerveracking. confusing and wierd. i dont know i guess its just something i have to live with….