Though simple, I think a lot of people forget one major thing about God. He loves us, truly and deeply. Often people have disbelief in his love because they find it hard to understand a concept of unconditional love. Most people have experienced heartache, betrayal, or pain in relationships, therefore belief in a God that loves us is unfathomable. His love is enduring. It never fails. You may think you are too far from his love. Maybe you have done something shameful in your life and you cannot get over the guilt. Maybe you have been hurt and you lack the trust. Regardless of your personal circumstances and whatever baggage you might carry, God loves you. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fails. But this kind of love is unlike any other. You never have to feel alone or unworthy. You never have to feel the guilt and shame of your past. He forgives you too! Move forward. Know that wherever you find yourself today, with all that he is, he loves you. Truly and deeply, he loves you. Don’t forget that.

 

I just feel that some people need this reminder.

It has been really hard for me to focus on just one thing lately. I have been so distracted- not in a bad way either- but life is just crazy. I don’t understand anything. I have a lot of questions and I lack all of the answers. My heart and mind are torn between my will and God’s will for my life. It is far from simple. Every decision I make has a direct impact on my life and my future. What if I make the wrong choice? What if I choose poorly or selfishly? What if I settle for something good instead of pursuing great? I know that where I am right now doing what I am doing is exactly where I’m supposed to be…for now. The problem is my heart still aches for more. I am still unsettled with the desires deep within my soul. More than anything, I just want to see people’s lives changed. I know what my dreams are. But this question begs me to answer this: what does God say about any of it? I cannot help but include God in this conversation with myself. I believe he knows best for my life. Am I really  listening? Am I really obeying? I can’t separate these questions from my reality. I think and wait and pray, hoping that I might find the road I am meant to take.

Matthew, also called Levi (his Jewish name), was a tax collector, also called a publican, and came from Galilee. By all accounts of history and cultural context, Matthew was among the worst of sinners because of his profession. He was in a profession deemed by the Roman Empire as a tax collector, which in turn, would treat any non-Roman citizens, mainly, Jews unfairly. He was surprisingly humble and never tried to gain the spotlight in his life- at least nothing is recorded- probably because of his profession. Tax collectors were the most despised people in Israel and placed on the same level as prostitutes and harlots. They were hated by Jews even more than Romans because they extorted money from those in Israel to give to the Romans. They were basically scoundrels.

When Matthew was called by Jesus and immediately followed Jesus. The position of being a tax collector, those despised by every Jew, was a “good job” to have in the eyes of the Romans. It was clear that if he left he would not have a job to return to- there was no turning back for him. When Jesus chose him, Mathew realized that a Rabbi- the Messiah- chose him in spite of his past and lifestyle. It was shocking to him that a teacher would love him and accept him because he would have already been outcasted from every synagogue; he was considered a traitor to the Jews and forbidden to enter any synagogue. Being called by Jesus gave him hope in his life. His call also proved that even though he was not allowed in the synagogue, he studied scripture and knew of the coming Messiah. His desperation opened his eyes to accepting the Messiah and immediately following him without doubt. It was a radical conversion. Matthew was so excited that he found the Messiah that he held a banquet for Jesus (and the other disciples). However the party consisted of only tax collectors and lowlifes because those are the only people that would actually associate with a tax collector. The Pharisees didn’t like Jesus spending time with the “sinners” however they were radically changed by the love of Jesus.

In Matthew’s Gospel account, he made it clear that he knew the scriptures- he quoted the Old Testament 99 times, more than any other Gospel. It proved that he knew the Old Testament and loved it which also proves that he was hungry for the Messiah. It explains why he left immediately to follow Jesus- he knew that Jesus was the real Messiah! Matthew embraced the outcasts of the world. He even wrote his Gospel directed toward the Jewish audience as a way to show the need to love the “sinner”. All accounts of Matthew’s life after Jesus say he took the Gospel to the Jews and that he was martyred for his faith, however, the way in which he died is unclear.

Matthew reconciled with his past and let Christ change him. Will you?

 

God is beautiful. I cannot deny the love that I feel that only he can give. Everything about him is beautiful. Everyone longs for something, to fill the void in our lives. You can seek it wherever, and even fill it…for a time. But the one thing that has yet to fail me is the true love of a God that loves me in spite of all of my failures, insufficiencies, and mistakes. When I choose to love other things and replace him, he still loves me. His love never fails. It never quits. His love is beautiful. Joy. Unending joy. You think it doesn’t exist? Look at the stars. Or the sunrise. Or the snow gently falling. In the thunder. Or the lighting. In a baby’s laugh. I could go on. “We do not reason why a sunset is beautiful; the beauty is mysteriously self-evident…Love’s mystery requires no explanation.” The beauty of God is undeniable. And it has changed my life forever.

I am finally at a point where I see love from such a different perspective. I am so sick of people today and their lack of devotion to what love should be. Love was not not designed by God to be thrown around without much thought or prayer.

Even have gone to a Christian university- love is not what it is meant to be. Couple after couple I see ending their relationships, including mine, because they recognize that something wasn’t right. Yet I see so many other couples meet, then get engaged, then married all within their college experience. Now I do not belittle that at all, but don’t neglect the call for Godly love the way it was supposed to be. Others date just to date without thought at all. It is just a game to them. Some don’t even date, but justify random hook-ups. It doesn’t even matter to them.

I worked at Kay Jewelers. I would “sell” love. Couples would come in all the time to buy something as evidence as their commitment to another. It may have been a ring, a necklace, bracelet. Yet I can tell you how many of those couples are in affairs or they break up within a year of their engagement. Or many would commit to that love and get married…then divorce. Love goes beyond a simple promise.

Love is a solemn, covenant- a vow until forever- a commitment to remain strong. And now I realize why people are failing at this. I once looked up definitions for love…and this is what I complied:

“Faithful and unconditional in both good and bad, joy and sorrow. To honor and respect. To cherish in failure and triumph. To care, protect, encourage and to never give up. To love in spite of…in the presence of God.”

Marriage, or even just love, may not always be perfect, beautiful or exciting but it is a gift from God- an opportunity to make it beautiful choosing to love with the same love that was sacrificed. God has given us each such an opportunity to find love. Don’t waste it on anyone but the person that deserves your whole first. Love God more than anything. Fall into a dark romance with your Beloved. Become lost in His love. When you become so in love with one who is deserving, love then means so much more. You can love others, love your fiance or your boyfriend/girlfriend, love your spouse, and love your families beyond what you thought you could because you have something stronger backing you up. We are called to love and to be love…nothing less than that. Let your heart be captivated by the dark romance of God.

For thou, O Lord, art high above all the earth
Thou art exalted far above all gods

I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee

We exalt Thee, We exalt Thee O Lord

Oh with all we have

And with all we are
We have come so far
To lift your name
Lift your name on high, Jesus
Cause it’s all about You, oh Jesus
Oh it’s all about you- oh yeah yeah yeah
And this love, this song, this praise
Is what we bring to You

I love this song. I have listened to it all weekend. Honestly, this week has not been easy. I am just struggling with some things. I want to honor God in all of my life, yet in the uncertainties, it’s far from easy. It is very hard to trust God in things that I cannot understand. At the same time, he has brought me to a place in my life that I would not be without him. I am forever grateful for what he has done. I need to trust. I need to strive to live honorably for God. All that I am is nothing without him. I need to exalt God- my sweet Jesus- in my life always.

My Beloved,

I have heard your prayers, and I can see your heart. I know where you are. I haven’t forgotten you. I haven’t left you. I am the first and the last, and I will be with you through it all. Do I have your attention? I need you to understand something that will change everything.

I love you.

I have always loved you. You are the apple of my eye. Nothing will ever change that. No eye has seen, no ear has heard of the things I have prepared for you. It is my desire to begin to reveal them to you even now!

Come away with me. I want to take you to a new place my Beloved. One of higher heights and newer understandings. I want you to understand the power of my affections for you. Trust me Beloved. Let go of your fears, insecurities, and misunderstandings. Let go of what you think I can’t or won’t do for you. I love you. I have much more to show you and many places to take you. Open your heart and draw near to me. Enter into my arms, and rest my child.

All Yours,
I AM

Removing a band-aid is probably one of the most annoying things to do. Depending on where it was placed, it could actually be quite painful. Reading this, you probably shake your head. But think about it. Band-aids are used to cover something damaged. When a wound is large enough, it gets a cast, a wrap, or something else to hide it. They come in colors, skin tones, cartoons, superheroes, and much more.

Realistically speaking people like to cover their wounds. Who likes to walk around exposing their pain? Who likes to let others see the cuts, bruises, and even deep wounds when a simple band-aid or wrap can hide it? The funny thing is about a band-aid [or a cast], it hides the wound itself, but it doesn’t disguise it. It simples covers the ugly and the messy, yet we all still know its there.

Everyone has hurt. Pain. Wounds. You can pretend, and even try to hide it. But we all have it. We all know its there. Removing a band-aid of the self exposes a part of our lives that we each try to disguise or hide. It can be painful. But more than the pain, it forces transparency and vulnerability. But it is necessary. To keep a wound covered for some time is okay. It helps heal. But the healing needs to be exposed to air with no covering. Our hearts need the same. We all have wounds and end up with scars. The best is to realize that after time, don’t hide it, but embrace it as part of you. Wounds are inevitable. But they do not define you.

What does define you is what you do after the fact. Jesus is my healer. He takes care of me when I am wounded. And he-over time- helps me deal with it. He defines me.

Honestly, the simple things really speak to me. Nature really speaks to me. It reminds me of the beauty of my God. He created everything. He created me. I matter to him. Seeing just the simplicity of nature shows me but a glimpse of the mysterious beauty of my God that so captivates me.

 

 

This one flower, bloomed alone in the middle of this field, matters to God. If true, then doesn’t that mean God cares about me? My concerns? My worries? My desires? He is with me. I am never alone. I have no reason to truly doubt him.

 

 

 

These simple parts of nature, though maybe meaningless to anyone else, means the world to me. God made and cares so much about thelittle things of this world. How much more does he care about me? Oh this Love, this Grace, this Life I do not deserve, yet receive. God never ceases to amaze me.