For anyone who has ever read the Bible or at least anything about Jesus, you have most likely heard about Simon/Simon Peter/Peter. Yes, he was called by three different names…with a purpose. But Let’s look at the beginning.

Peter was the first disciple chosen by Jesus. Before that, he was just a fisherman. He had followed John the Baptist because he wanted to be aware of when the Messiah came. Peter was a fisherman, and married, living in Capernaum at Galilee. In all four locations in the Bible listing the disciples, Peter is listed first. [Matthew 10:2-4, Mark 3:16-19, Luke 6:14-16, Acts 1:13]. He was listed first mainly because he was the main disciple.

Peter was originally named Simon, which was a very common name back in that day. He was eager, aggressive, outspoken, brash, vacillating, undependable, impulsive, and arrogant. He would also jump into anything first and also would be the first bail out when things got tough. When he met Jesus, he immediately knew he wanted to follow this “Rabbi”. With Peter, Jesus was creative with mentoring him. He changed his name. He went from being Simon to Peter. Sometimes he was called both. There is great significance of this. Peter meant “the Rock”. Jesus would call Peter by that name to stress the importance of being firm, constant, and fully obedient to Jesus. It was about Peter becoming selfless, rather than selfish. It was a reminder of who Peter should be, not who he was. Anytime Jesus called Peter “Simon”, I would be that he cringed…he knew he was in trouble. He knew he was acting wrong and Jesus was correcting him.

“Peter is mentioned in the Gospels more than any other name, except Jesus. No one speaks as often as Peter, and no one is spoken to by the Lord as often as Peter. No disciple is so frequently rebuked by the Lord as Peter; and no disciple ever rebukes the Lord except Peter. No one else confessed Christ more boldly or acknowledged His lordship more explicitly; yet no other disciple ever verbally denied Christ as forcefully or as publicly as Peter did. No one is praised and blessed by Christ the way Peter was; yet Peter was also the only one Christ ever addressed to as Satan. The Lord had harsher things to say to Peter than anyone else…all this contributed to making him the leader Christ wanted him to be.” [Twelve Ordinary Men]

At the time near Jesus’ death, Peter denied his Rabbi, his Messiah. He chose to deny knowing him for fear of death. Jesus even warned him he would do so. Can you imagine that feeling, when the very person who has changed your life, you deny because of fear? Peter was acting as Simon, a weak, impulsive, selfish man, not The Rock- not who Jesus was calling him to be. Later on Peter became one of the greatest influences of Christianity. Jesus had died, rose again, and left the earth in the hands of his disciples. It was their turn to spread the Truth. Peter spoke to thousands of people and they accepted Christ. Peter was emboldened by the power of Jesus and the discipleship he received from him. He died because he refused to deny Christ again. In fact, he was crucified as well. It was a normal practice in the Roman Empire to crucify people on the streets as a reminder to not anger Rome. Peter did just that. He was condemned to death, but in his death he made one request- to be crucified upside down because he did not deserve the same exact death as Christ. In his death, he was Peter, not Simon. In his life, though he acted as both, he was an ordinary man that Jesus chose to become someone extraordinary and to change the course of history forever. He was involved, bold, decisive, humble, submissive to Christ, courageous…He was normal fisherman that became great.

What about you? You can become someone extraordinary if you just follow Jesus Christ…

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I guess being in this time of my life where I figure out what is next. In solitude, I sit, cry, and pray asking God to direct me. In the silence, on the answer of wait echoes back. My aches for so many things. Human trafficking. Genocide. Perversion of sex. Refugee camps. Poverty. Truth…in all of these things and many more, all I want to do is share truth and love, even if only through action. This past year I lived in an apartment, I worked at a coffeeshop and went to a church at the YMCA. As good as those things were in my life, they are not me. I was not created for those things. They were just parts of the bigger picture. And here, I find myself now home, struggling with this idea of war, which has many faces. I need to do something.

Two years ago I went to Honduras for the fourth time. One night my friend Vicky and I were sitting on the rooftop just gazing upon the city. I began to weep on the balcony realizing that in the morning I would have to say goodbye, again, to the very place that first stirred my heart. Vicky, my dear friend, sat next to me realizing that truth as well. But I was stunned when she made note of another truth about me. She said “Mandy, you’re in your element when you’re here…when you’re doing something like this. When you’re getting sunburnt, dirty, and sweating out there. This is what you were created for. This is who you are.” Granted that is not an exact phrasing of what she said, but it gets my point across. What she said to me on that balcony has never left my memory. What she said was true.

I am fully alive and fully myself when I am doing what I know is what I was created for.  I know that in my heart I am not doing everything I can here because here is not where I am meant to be, this is another temporary part of my life. Even further, I am beginning to believe that where I am meant to be will be harder, more uncomfortable, and even more dangerous than anything I have experienced. Something inside of me is preparing me for what is to come. Maybe you won’t agree with me. Maybe you believe that God doesn’t put his followers in danger.

Last summer, a friend of mine- a missionary to the Middle East- make a comment I can never forget. She said “Don’t you dare pray for my safety. Never pray for my safety. Always my ministry.” I want to get to that point. I want to get to the place where literally everything in focus is what God leads me to. I do not want to face fear alone because of the strength and courage of Christ. I do not want to back down from anything for possibility of danger or even worse….death. I don’t know. I just believe, that deep down, this year and last- are preparing me for the years to follow. The hard years. Earlier this year I was really struggling financially. I’ve been injured and sick in more ways than ever before. I have never felt more alone than now. I have never been more discontent than now. I feel that all of this, everything I have been dealing with is preparing me for the coming years of hard ministry in foreign countries. Not countries where you can speak the name of Christ and be done with it. But countries that speaking the name of Christ gets your stoned or killed. Counties that bring threat of bombings. Countries that kidnap and sell women and children for sex trafficking. Countries that kill anyone that speaks truth in any way. These are the areas that I feel I will soon be approaching.

I need to get to that point where danger is never my focus. Safety is never my focus. My ministry must be, at all times, my priority, even if unto death.

Yes. I believe legalism will be the death of the Church.

I believe when churches become more concerned with tradition rather than doctrine, it will destroy the Church’s ability to minister to the world. The Church is meant to be a body of believers that hold to the truths of Jesus Christ. Instead, the church takes these truths, many without recognizing historical and contextual relevancy, and use them for more harm than good. This is a rather frustrating concept. Moments like this, that I deal with the arrogance of tradition and the smirk of legalism, I feel like leaving the Church to be the church…without the chilling breath of legalism down my neck. I feel like moving overseas here and now. Because overseas, in the midst of poverty at the homes of those that have only known suffering, the Bible is beautiful and the work of anyone willing to serve God is worth while. Instead, here in America, Churches are stuck in a legalistic mindset that they refuse to sway from. By remaining stubborn to their ways, I guarantee these leaders and members of this kind of church will miss great opportunities for reaching the lives of the common person. Because with legalism, the common person does not fit in that mold. Legalism is destroying the mission Jesus Christ sent the Church out to do. Legalism is destroying the reputation of the church from being a hospital to a hospice, however only for the elders. The remainder get the shaft because they do fit into the mold of legalism. They are different. But instead, these churches remain unswayed by this. And they wonder why they’ve seen no growth in two decades or why they have no younger generations or why no one of another race or background. Legalism…the death of the Church and even Christianity.

As a Christian, I am terrified because of this. This is not how it should be. This is not the Church Jesus wanted to build. 

I have lately seen in my personal life a correlation to my physical activity and my spiritual growth. I think there is something crucial that many people miss. Maybe they aren’t athletes. Maybe they hate taking walks. Maybe the closest thing they have to exercising is walking to their car or next class. Lazy. Simply put.

I am not innocent of this. I am an athlete. I love sports. I love playing sports- any of them. But as of late, I have been struggling with making up excuses to why my workout routine has been inconsistent. Last year something happened: I fell in love with running. Yes running! I used to hate it. But for some reason I began to love running and walking miles. It was great time for me to talk with God. I felt great. I was in great shape. But something else happened since my love for running was awakened. Back in March, I got injured. It took me 3 months, Xrays, an MRI, and 4 doctors later to figure out that I tore the ligament right below my ankle bone. My foot has been swollen ever since. I went through 7 weeks of physical therapy. But during that time, especially during PT, I was in great shape. I was working out more than ever before. However, I have not been running since May. I was dumb enough to try running a 5k knowing I had a torn ligament…talk about pain. I found myself halfway through the race with my calf completely cramped and in the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I finished the race but I was told to not run for several months. I now wait to find out if surgery is necessary.

But how does my running, working out, and exercising affect my spiritual discipline? This past year has been a struggle, especially because of my injury. But throughout this year, I have been on a constant roller coaster spiritually. I was most disciplined with my Bible reading, with my prayer, and even my Christian fellowship when I was actively maintaining a healthy lifestyle of working out- even with the injury. I have been at my weakest when I stopped relying on God and would quit when my ankle and foot hurt. I would become lazy. And I would wonder why I was getting out of shape. I would wonder why I was falling in to my past weaknesses spiritually. There is a direct connection whether you want to believe it or not. When we become disciplined physically, is it for ourself or for God? Is it for both? But even more, when we go after God spiritually we cannot neglect the physical aspect of our lives. If we say we love, aren’t we supposed to love God with all of our heart, our soul, our minds, and our strength? If we love God we need to make an active decision to love him with our everything, including how we treat our bodies physically. And when we love our bodies physically, shouldn’t we make sure its for the love of God and not ourselves?

Do you ever wonder what your purpose is in life? Are you just simple ordinary?

I would have to answer yes to that question about myself. I often struggle about who I am really am and what the heck I am doing here in this life. I think of these great men and women of the Bible and I find myself at a loss for words. They did incredible things for God.  I am nothing like them. Right?

Wrong. Neither are you. Jesus is the prime example of choosing the ordinary people for greatness. He chose twelve of them. Back in that day, Jews had a very different lifestyle than what most people, especially Americans, have today. During Jesus’ day, at a young age men were given one significant opportunity. Starting young, boys went to school. They learned the scripture, they studied the books of Moses. They learned the role of the rabbi. The purpose for this was to be the best and chosen by a rabbi to be his replacement. This was an honor. This was a privilege, however, eventually that would end. Over the course of the following years, the system would filter out the “not good enoughs”- the ones they didn’t think were good enough to become a rabbi. This process had steps and eventually, it would come to the final few, all in their young teen years, and one or two would be chosen to follow a rabbi. That is what every Jewish boy strived to be…

When a boy was not chosen, they would have to return to their family and learn the family trade or business. They would be average, ordinary, and nothing special. None of the disciples had been chosen. They were the “not good enoughs”…until Jesus came into the scene. Jesus was called Rabbi and teacher. By this time each of the disciples were living their lives thinking nothing of it, because they were just simply ordinary. Jesus came to each of them and asked them to follow him…to follow the Rabbi. When Jesus called each disciple to “follow him”, it was not just a simple question of loyalty, it was a second chance, one they were denied in their earlier years. They were given the chance to serve a Rabbi, and learn his ways. He personally selected each.

“We are invited to be Jesus’ hands and feet because he loves us as we are yet loves us way to much to let us stay that way.” Jesus saw the disciples in their current circumstances and decided to call them in to greatness. Each disciple changed the course of history because they followed the Rabbi. They were given a fresh start. They were ordinary men chosen for greatness. Jesus chose me too. He chose you. And we each have the opportunity to serve him- to follow him. No matter where we each are in life. There is purpose. You can choose to remain ordinary or decide to follow Jesus Christ with your everything and change the world.

The greatest day in history, Death is beaten. You have rescued me. Sing it out Jesus is alive. The empty cross, The empty grave. Life eternal You have won the day. Shout it out Jesus is alive. He’s alive. Oh happy day, happy day. You washed my sin away. Oh happy day, happy day I’ll never be the same. Forever I am changed. When I stand, in that place. Free at last, meeting face to face. I am Yours, Jesus You are mine. Endless joy, perfect peace. Earthly pain finally will cease. Celebrate Jesus is alive. He’s alive. Oh what a glorious day. What a glorious way that You have saved me. Oh what a glorious day. What a glorious name, the name of Jesus!

For some reason tonight, I am filled with a crazy peace. I keep smiling. I want to run around. I want to laugh. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel this way for a reason. The way someone feels when they are giddy in a new relationship. I feel this way. But it is not induced by a new relationship. It is because I remember a happy day. I remember being in Israel at the Garden Tomb. I remember being there feeling such peace- kind of like I do right now. I remember the Love that was given there. I am an ordinary person. Nothing special about me. Yet for some reason, Jesus, an unordinary man, chose to do something for me selflessly. He loved me relentlessly and took the death that was mine. But in his death, he gives a new life in our hearts. We have the choice to love him, everyday. We have a choice to smile in spite of our circumstances, in spite of our battles, in spite of our struggles, and along with our victories. So tonight, I remember that Jesus loved me enough to give me a second chance at living my life fully. I am not only free, but I am given a beautiful opportunity at true peace and joy. I do not have to be defined by my past, struggles, or anything else. I am forever changed by his love. I take it. Jesus is alive in me. I feel him. In my heart. The way we feel when we love someone deeply…oh happy day!

Come and take your place at the center of our hearts. Its where you belong. I want to be free from everything that keeps me from loving you.

I am selfish. I think of myself often before I do someone else. I think of my needs. And even when I do think of others, often I find myself wondering where I gain. What about you?

I want Jesus to be the center of my life. More than anything, the center of my everything. All that I think about, all that I long for, all that I desire to be is like Jesus. I am empty without his love, yet if I do not allow for Jesus to be my center- the core of who I am- I am nothing. I am completely nothing without Jesus. His love has changed me more than anything. He has brought me from a place in my life I never want to go back to.

He gave his everything to love me. His blood, his tears, his body all for me. I am nothing without that sweet surrender. Yet how do I love him? I say that I want to love him with my everything, but how often do my actions prove that to be true? I am meaningless, empty, and nothing without Jesus. I need to make him my center. I need to truly love him with my every word, my every action, my every thought. Loving the homeless, the hurting, the poor, the rich…everyone. It becomes a selfless act of simple love. I find that when I do love Jesus more than anything else, I find this immense joy birthing from me. However, when I do not love Jesus, I am simply…nothing.

I can’t help it.
I want to love. I want to be loved.
Deeply.

I see so many people in relationships, dating or marriage. It gets frustrating being the single one. Even worse, it gets frustrating when I am never even desired by a guy.  But I don’t want to settle for just anything. In this past year I have discovered who I am- who God is shaping me to be. But why can’t it be my chance for true love, not just a romance? I don’t just want a boyfriend. I don’t want a date. I want my husband. I want the covenant love that was designed by Glory.

I know God has purpose for everything. I try to stay positive. I try to not worry. Actually this past year and a half I have been falling in love with a man. Its strange actually. I don’t fully understand. I pray for this man everyday- my husband. I have no idea who this person is or where in the world he might be. I just know I love him.

How can I be so in love with a man that I have never met? How can I be so in love with this stranger? Is he a stranger at all? Do I already know him?

These questions penetrate my mind and thoughts as I talk with my Lord. I have had unusual contentment and peace about being single. But, of course, I have my moments, like tonight, that I just truly wish I could be with that man, whoever he may be. But tonight I am not. Not yet. Not now. I can only pray soft prayers for him: for safety and security; for growth and maturity; for love and passion. Somewhere in this world, tonight he is. I pray for you, distant stranger. I pray God quiets this longing heart until the right time.

I love you.