sin is like a cancer.  at times…it is completely eating away at you.  you try “medications” but they continue to fail.  it controls your life.  but then it will disappear as only a sly way to confuse the mind.  it thinks it is gone for good yet it is only in remission waiting to come back suddenly and stronger.  thats my life.  my sin continues to come back and eat away at me.  i wish i could control it. i wish this DEADLY cancer would finally be overtaken.  i know thats why Jesus died.  i know he died so we wouldn’t have the burden of sin any longer.  i love him for that.  his grace is the only reason i still am here as a christian.  but i wish he would show us “easier medications” that were quicker to our cancer.  i wish my body could just heal…BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED.

-we are like dry bones in a desert valley…we are in some way decaying because of sin and life and maybe the mistakes we have made…BUT
we are awaiting that final breath of the FOUR WINDS from God to breathe the breath of life into us and arise our dry bones so we can dance with God…-

i am those dry bones laying in the valley.  i am allowing my sin to decay me and dry me out.  i NEED God’s reassuring power and strength to come in like a great wind…and awaken my bones…me dryness…so i can once again be all-out passionate to my creator and master.  please God help me!!!

this song means so much to me right now.  i don’t really know why, but i am going through some crap that i can’t really explain and this song just comforts me.  it lets me know that God is always there…i am NEVER ALONE!! all i know is that my friend shot himself a few weeks ago, another friend who WAS a christian has gotten caught up in alcohol and who knows what else.  i am majorly stressed about my own issues, some friends are being idiots and jerks.  oh how our world needs God. the fact that each day i write of the crap i go through yet our world is 10x worse.  what is with that.  why can’t our world just see God’s grace?  why can’t they see His love? why can’t i get it in my head either…or my friends? i wish i could just ramble on more…but i will honestly cry…

“Never Alone”

I waited for you today
But you didn’t show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You’d be there
And though I haven’t seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can’t feel You by my side
So I’ll hold tight to what I know
You’re here and I”m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can’t explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You’ve placed in my life

We cannot separate
‘Cause You’re part of me
And though You’re invisible
I’ll trust the unseen

last week…a friend and classmate Jonathan Hogge disappeared.  Sunday nearly a week later, his body found…gunshot!! he killed himself.  ended his life like no body cared.  this is how it is…

“Youth of the Nation” by POD

Last day of the rest of my life I wish I would have known cause i’d have kissed my momma goobye. I didn’t tell her that I loved her or how much cared or thank my pops for all the talks and all the wisdom he shared. Unaware I just did what I always do. Everyday the same routine before I skate off to school but who knew that this day wasnt like the rest, instead of takin the test I took two to the chest.

Call me blind but I didn’t see it comin and everybody was runnin but I couldn’t hear nothin, except gun blast, it happened so fast I didn’t really know this kid though I sat by him in class. Maybe this kid was reachin out for love or maybe for a moment he forgot who he was or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged, whatever it was I know its because

CHORUS
We are We are the youth of the nation (repeat)x4

Little Suzzy she was only twelve she was given the world with every chance to excel. Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell she might act kinda proud but no respect for herself. She finds love in all the wrong places the same situations but different faces. Changed up her pace since her daddy left her too bad he never told her she deserved much better.

Johnny boy always played the fool, he broke all the rules so you would think he was cool. He was never really one of the guys no matter how hard he tried, with the thought of suicide. It’s kinda hard when you ain’t got no friends, he put his life to an end they might remember him then.
You cross a line and there is no turnin back he told the world how he felt with the sound of a gat.

CHORUS x4

Whos to blame for the life that tragedies claim no matter what you say it won’t take away the pain, that I feel inside I’m tired of all the lies don’t nobody know why it’s the blind leadin the blind. Guess that’s the way that the story goes, will it ever make sense somebody’s gotta know, there’s gotta be more to life than this, there’s got to be more to everything I thought exists

CHORUS to the end

“…The Great Romancer wants to romance you. He wants to show you the sunsets and give you the falling stars.  He wants you to run with passion after Him.  He wants to shape you you.  He wants to give you your dreams, your desires, your destiny…”

              -Dateable by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco

this book is phenomanol…it gives such a great outlook on life and love…from this i do know that important people in my life should NOT take the focus of God out of my life.  I want Christ to “romance” me and show me His power and unconditional love. 

You Were There – Avalon

I wonder how it must have felt When David stood to face Goliath on a hill I imagine that he shook with all his might Until You took his hand, and held on tight ‘Cause You were there, You were there In the midst of danger’s snare You were there, You were there always You were there when the hardest fight Seemed so out of reach Oh, You were there, You were always there You were always there So there he stood upon that hill Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans And just in time, You brought a lamb ‘Cause You were there, You were there In the midst of the unclear You were there, you were there always You were there when obedience Seemed to not make sense You were there, You were always there You were always there So haven’t I learned that my ways Aren’t as high as Yours are And You alone keep the universe From crumbling into dust You are God and though we would Not have understood You There You were Hanging blameless on a cross You would rather die than leave us in the dark Every moment, every planned coincidence Just all makes sense With Your last breath You were there, You were there During historys darkest hour You were there, You were there always You were the Victor and the King You were the power in David’s swing You were the calm in Abraham You are the God who understands You are the strength when we have none You are the living, Holy one You were, You are and You will always be the Risen Lamb of God You were, You are and You will always be The Risen Lamb of God

God is always there even in the times something seems scary or impossible… HE IS THERE… he was there for Cassie and Rachel in Columbine…for Todd Beamer in the air…HE IS THERE.  you have no need to ever feel ALONE. 

good friday…a day of death, sacrifice, defeat…ONE man, ONE mission, ONE reason. i don’t know what i can really say.  he gave everything for us.  he sacrificed his self for the cause of man.  GREATER LOVE!! he showed love by dying a death so painful that it is indescribable.  this day is called GOOD because one man was able to defeat a definant fallen angel…he was able to defeat evil by dying…the head of the devil was crushed…the gates of heaven are now open for EVERYONE to enter…when they realize and accept Jesus as the reason!!

Jesus i thank you so much for your sweet surrender of your self.  you didn’t have to…but you wanted to.  i love you so much!! i wish i could only thank you.  me going the distance isn’t even enough thank you…but you still want me!! you are amazing…i love you lord!!

today God really did something.  he changed many hearts today…including mine.  he went in deep!!! so many of us had a terrible attitude today and throughtout the last week.  we were jerks, brats, idiots, and hypocrites.  who goes up to worship thinking that they can sing praises to God, when they are so stinkin concerned who they are singing with and who shouldn’t be there.  i know i am speaking for myself.  i was one of the worst.  but TODAY God gave us a revelation.  ITS NOT ABOUT US!! we don’t go up on stage to sing worship to our friends or boyfriend or anybody…but God who deserves our praises.  pride is something that is like a cancer that comes in little by little and slowly eats you away.  it isn’t good.  attitudes of every kind are something that can completely divide a group that was once so closely knit.  one little comment or word can separate a group.  a little chain of gossip can burn like a rapid fire burning everything it touches.  thats how we were.  we let that crap come in and destroy us.  it was eating us away.  but we decided we either had to stop it or let it continue its path to devastation.   we beat down the pillars that the devil had put up and replaced them with strong pillars of faith.  we prayed!! which i might add is the most powerful thing ever!!  afterwards our hearts were so in shape and ready for what God had for us.  my night had an amazing u-turn into actual “worship”.

on top pf the amazing change in attitude…God used two people to really touch  my life tonight.  one person was a leader…who came up and told me a very encouraging thing.   he said he felt that God wanted me to know that i am going to amazing things with my leadership and devotion to people’s needs.  you have no idea how much someone saying that to me really means!!!  the other person was a friend.  someone who also learned a humbling message out of today.  she was touched by God in such an amazing way.  but the thing is…for a while…our friendship has been hindered.  then today we just talked for a while.  it was so encouraging to see someone my age take a step of faith trusting that God knows what he is doing.  thanks to both of you for being awesome and touching me!!!

this song shows the attitude that resulted from the spiritual battle that we fought today.  though we began at a rough start with the wrong attitude.  we changed.  we realized that we have so much potential…if only would see that.  our attitudes were so off key…showing worship as only singing songs in a band.  but worship is LIFE.  it is your very existence presented before God.  everything you do is worship.  its for God!!

“My God” by Hillsong

Your faithful love
has always been there for me
the greatest love
that I have ever known
what can I give to you
for all You’ve given to me
You gave it all
and You are all I need

You are my king, You are my God
the praises I bring
come from my heart

This is for You
for all You’ve done for me
and I wanted to show You
how much You mean
my God, my God

Isaiah 35:3-4

“Strengthen the feeble hands,

Steady the knees that give way;

Say to those with fearful hearts,

‘Be strong, do not fear’

Your God will come

He will come with vengeance;

With divine retribution

He will come to save you.”

 

this verse is amazing. it was exactly what i needed to read. i have felt weak so many times, feeling confused, lost, fearful, not knowing my life and its course.  this verse just stuck out to me. it impacted me.  i am very weak and feeble… but God is there.  at times my knees will give way, making me fall. i get scared.  but then there’s God.  he is always there ready to catch me. he strengthens me and steadies me. it is exactly what it says….he is there. we have no need to fear. though in life we will face hardships, we can get through them with God. he is really the only reason i have gotten through deaths in my family, my dad’s major paycut, my own problems, times that seem like defeat…..God is my reason for enduring.  he is an everlasting friend and comfort. i honestly have no clue where i would be if i didn’t follow him. i guess its good that i don’t have to find out.

i have decided that nature is an awesome thing!! it is the one main way God speaks to me… i love it.  i see his wonders and they never cease to astound me.  i love snow…its so pure. yet one tiny thing can completely destroy its perfection.  rain is an incredible sight for me. ever since honduras in the summer of ’04…i can never stop loving rain.  God split a rain storm…he showed his love by his power…he poured down his grace!! the sunrise and sunset are astonishing…their beauty is always a mystery.  each day they bring a new day…giving us more chances.  each night is closed with their sweet kiss on the earth.  its awesome.  but one of my favorites is the stars. i love them!! every spring, summer, and fall i just randomly,at night, will go outside and gaze into the distant heavens.  its God’s special present to us.  a mystery left for the human mind to discover.  i absolutely can’t wait until it finally gets warm enough…i will be outside all the time trying to decifer their messages!! i just sit outside, sometimes for hours, just thinking of God and his magnificent creation. feel free to join me anytime…His creation is meant for everyone!!

“No Sacrifice” by Jason Upton

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life

To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures that you’ve designed for free?

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is staronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life

To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life

God i give you everything… i ask that you do your will… not mine.  Please grant me peace and guidance in all directions in my life.  i can not give no sacrifice.  i give you everything with a willing heart.  thank you God.