Girls, guard your hearts.
Guys, protect their hearts.

 

I have to say that this Valentine’s Day was the best I have ever had. Actually I have never really had a real Valentine’s celebration in my life. I have been single ever year on this supposed most romantic day of the year, including this year. But I am in awe of the events that took place last night. I feel like I should explain it from the girls’ perspective because the guys just completely shocked us all. Here is some background on last night:

On Monday nights the guys and girls from 11th Hour, my young adult group, have their own separate groups where we can pray for each other, hang out, and just fellowship. When we realized that Valentine’s Day fell on a Monday night this year, we decided we wanted to do something for the boys. In no way were we expecting anything in return. We just wanted to bless them with some food for their group. We thought we were being sneaky when we told one of the guys from the group our plans to make sure they would actually be at the house and not somewhere else. So that brings us to last night. As the girls approached the door to the house, to our surprise the windows were covered and the door was locked. Then like it was straight from a movie, we heard all of the boys singing “A Whole New World” from the balcony above us. On top of that they were wearing shirts and ties! Within moments, the door opened up and one by one the boys escorted us girls to what we found was a table set up with candlelight. They took our jackets, pulled out our chairs, and made us cards. We thought that was it…and we would have been completely content! However, they proceeded in giving each one of us girls a single red rose, brought us penne for dinner, and poured us Sparkling White Grape! As if the night could not get better, the boys treated us with such genuine love and respect. Not one of us girls saw any of this coming. They prayed over us. And by the end of the night, they escorted us each to our cars. These both, nonetheless, went above and beyond.

Not once in my life have I ever felt so special and treated with such respect and love. The thing that made the night more special than anything is that these guys are my friends. Those that had girlfriends could have taken them out on some private romantic date. Instead, they had their girlfriends present with the rest of us. All in all the guys- these wonderful men- cherished each and every one of us girls as not only their friends, but daughters of God. These men, whom I have learned to cherish as well, have not only proved to be great friends, but also men of God that have genuine love for others. At times I have doubted men and lacked trust in them because of my dating past, but tonight was unlike any other. These great friends of mine are amazing men. I know that they will each be incredible husbands, especially because of how they treated their friends last night.

To any of you guys from 11th Hour that may read this, thank you. I do not think you understand the blessing that you gave each girl last night. I do not think you recognize the impact. I thank God for you each and I cannot wait to continue to go through life with each and every one of you.

Before you ask, no, this is not another I hate Valentine’s Day blog. In no way do I hate it. Some people only complain about being single or not having “the one”.  Often I see people get so caught up in the tradition of the holiday rather than the supposed motive behind it…Love. Instead, Valentine’s Day is symbolic of something far greater. It celebtrates those that have found [what they think is] love and wish to enjoy it with someone special. It is a chance for them to invest in the other person, with time, money or anything else they can think of . Ultimately, it is a holiday focused on making your significant other feel special. However, if you have found that true person in your life that you feel you love, why make such a big deal out of Valentine’s Day when you could surprise with a random day during a random week in a random month. Love is not defined by a calendar day, but instead by words and actions. It is an ongoing verb.

Valentine’s Day can also be celebrated another way. It celebrates being single. People neglect the brighter side of things. Being single on this holiday or just altogether is not a death sentence. It is a chance to be happy with yourself- to know who you are and be okay with just that. It is an opportunity for self-discovery. It is about identity. For me, that means I am defined by God, not by men, especially in dating. Do not be jealous of couples that spend time together this time of year. Do not be bitter. It will destroy you. Instead, be happy for them; that they found what they were looking for. Hold onto the hope that you could have love too. Romantically, relationally, or just interpersonally. Love others but love yourself. Be happy to be you. Do not try to be defined by a relationship. Just be you. Celebrate you. Celebrate being alive. Embrace it. 

And with that my last few comments on this holiday are simply this…God created us with a desire deep within our being that yearns for love. Yes, we all ache for friendships and closeness with others. However, we each inherently desire love that takes our breath away. We want the fairy tale. Here is my advice: do not forge it, force it, or falsify it. Just wait. Yes fine, date if you so desire. But let your heart be something that is not so easily given away. Wait for the right person at the right time. God created you and thus knows your heart. Trust him with a confidence instead of worry, self-pity, anger, bitterness or compromise.

As a daughter of God, I want to respect and honor the men of this world by not letting them have my heart if they are not intended to have it in the first place. I want to not lead anyone on. Men, I charge, protect the hearts of the women in your life. You are sons of God, as I am his daughter. Honor them. Protect them, even if that means restraining yourself physically or emotionally [girls need to be careful in that area as well!]. Even if that means not leading them on or being “friendly” flirty. Maybe you like a girl- or to the ladies, you like a guy- just because you have emotions and feelings toward them, guard your heart as well as theirs. If we have this attitude of utter respect and honor, how much more will it mean when we meet the right person knowing nothing had been compromised and the heart was not broken? How much more will it mean when you know you can give away your whole heart instead of a broken piece? Don’t let this holiday, singleness, or your relationship distract from this one point: you are created by God and he loves you, first and foremost. Be defined by him, not your relationship status.

Today is my birthday. Yes I am now twenty-three years old. But I don’t really think of it as old. In retrospect, in those 23 years, I have accomplished a lot. I finished grade school, started a Christian fellowship that expanded to the district, received my high school diploma, earned a four year Bachelor’s Degree in 3 1/2 years, completed my Masters Degree, began writing my first book to be published [which is also my thesis paper], and traveled literally around much of the world. At least those are the major things. But looking back, I would not have been able to accomplish anything, especially those big moments just mentioned, without the strength of God working through me. Honestly, my life is but anything that I can take the glory. My life is also in no way near completion. At least in theory. I don’t know how many more birthdays I will get to celebrate. Maybe 1 year or maybe 90 years, but regardless, I have more time to give glory to God with my life, no matter how many years are attached to it.

Because of this, I do not think that I am old. Not in the slightest. As much I feel I have accomplished, academically, spiritually, or just personally, I still have so many things that I want to do. Here is just a brief list not in any particular order:

• swim with sharks [not in a cage]
• live overseas longer term
• get married [HECK YEAH!!!!]
• have kids and possibly adopt
• sky dive
• become tri-lingual w/ Spanish, Italian, Hebrew or Arabic [any]
• plant at least one youth center
• travel to these countries/regions: South Africa, Norway, Australia, Pacific Islands [any], Egypt, Rome, Athens, and pretty much anywhere!
• document about all of my travels with photography & journaling

These are just a glimpse of some of the things I want to accomplish. Nothing is impossible. I refuse to let age defeat the possibilities in my life. I have so much more time to do so much!  Yes, there are things that I had planned to happen before this year’s birthday that did not happen- for example… I am not married yet. But God’s timing in my life is so much more beautiful and perfect than on my own. With God’s strength I can do anything. My dreams on my own are nothing. But in passionate pursuit of God’s call in my life, the possibilities are limitless! So in celebration of my birthday, I give honor and glory to God, for with him I am destined for greatness with every breath, day and year he gives me.

I’m not going to lie…I am so confused on life right now. I am really trying to understand and even be content with every area of my life, but that in itself is difficult. In this path to self-discovery, the past two years especially, I have now found myself in a place of more confusion spiritually and emotionally than ever before. Simply put, I have no idea what my life will even look like next month. So much is undetermined. My heart aches for so many things, some of which I cannot have, which often brings disappointment. I find myself living my life in comfort and ease for the most part… which actually makes me very uncomfortable. Slowly, I have been realizing that which I need (and don’t need) and that which I want (and don’t want). I have come to realize that I get very frustrated when people say every decision is a yes or no, right or wrong- everything is not black and white. Instead there are so many areas that are shades of gray.

These past four months, my life has turned to look like something I had honestly tried to avoid. Contentment and complacency. Yes, I am working in ministry at a church. Yes, I am involved with an amazing young adult group. Yes, I have developed some great relationships. But during these past months, I have come to settle. I have settled for everything that I knew would easy rather than run after my dreams. Little sacrifice. I am angry at myself for choosing the easy path when in reality, the path I know God has called me to is not easy nor does it guarantee safety. Spiritually, I have come to love God more than ever before. I am so grateful for his enduring love, in spite of me. I am so utterly thankful for his peace in the midst of my chaos. Yet again, so much I don’t understand falls around me.

As I seek God and pray for his direction, I find that he has me intentionally waiting here, in this uncomfortable comfort. He has me stuck in situations that I don’t have answers for. My heart and life are on hold in so many ways. And here I am, a lady in waiting, for what I am still so unsure. But I know that in all things God is here with me. I wish I could say I was strong all the time and completely trust that he sees my heart, my desires, my dreams, and that all will come to fruition in due time. That may or may not be so. I wish I could say that things were going as planned. Thus far, nothing is. I am simply waiting. I am simply sitting here, many moments with tears, trying to seek the heart of my God- who is faithful- in hopes that he will bring me to clarity. I cannot make decisions solely on whether the answer is simply yes or no, right or wrong. Currently, my life is surrounded by shades of gray, where I must wait for God to lead me and guide my life.

“I was invisible and it was nice to be noticed.”

In my attempt at utter honesty, I have to be transparent. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes things happen that do not in any way go as planned. Sometimes we get hurt. Sometimes we are heartbroken. Sometimes we are just broken. Pain is inevitable. But often with pain comes great change- need for change. And as I sit here contemplating the confusing mess of my life right now, all I can do is rest in a promise, a single promise that my God is doing something. He has not and will not abandon me. He has reason for everything. And when we hurt, he hurts. We rarely, if ever, in a moment of pain and sorrow, heartbreak and brokenness, or disappointment and failure, understand what the heck is going on. Most times when things happen to me, whether by mistake or someone else’s I eventually come to peace because I am reconciled to the fact that God is for me not against me. So that is me now. Trusting. Believing. Hoping. Knowing. Regardless of the situations I face that I just don’t get, I know God will work his Glory into it. Ultimately, every time I have chosen God’s path for my life, I have been overcome with joy [not happiness- there is quite a difference]. Every time I choose his way, there is victory- it may take time to see it, but God’s plans have never failed. Only my own have. Only my way has led me astray. So who am I that I should doubt my God who yet to fail me? I have to hold onto his steadfast love.

Below is a passage from Job, a book in the Bible. It is lengthy but with great purpose. The background of Job was that he was a man so in love with God that he was willing to trust God in all things. His children were all killed. Then his house destroyed. His cattle, land, everything of value laid in ruin. His health was greatly weakened, though just enough strength to barely keep him alive. His friends mocked him. His wife belittled him. And for what? He trusted God. No one could understand why he didn’t just give up and move on. There was no hope. Right? Wrong. Later on God restored everything, and more than Job could have imagined. He was faithful to God no matter what. Mind you my situation is nowhere near devastating. Not in the least. But my point is that the passage below speaks to the human doubt. The heart of every human asks, at some point, the question “why?” and yet we rarely like, wait for, or understand the answer. But God has so much more. Things may be confusing, hazy and even hurt, but in the end I have no reason to doubt what God is doing. Much more lies ahead. Read this passage, and again if necessary.

[God speaking to Job found in Job 38-39]
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements- surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid is cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together? Or who shut the sea with doors when it burst from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band and prescribed limits for it and set its bars and doors, and said ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther and here shall your proud waves be stayed’? Have you commanded the morning stars since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place? …Can you send forth lightning? …Is it by your understanding the hawk soars and spreads its wings toward the south?… Shall a faultfinder contend the Almighty? He who argues let him answer it.”

Talk about humbling. I cannot answer yes to any of those questions. Can you? Then why do we doubt God, the creator of all things. He knows what he is doing. We need only to trust unconditionally.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still (silent).” [Exodus 14:14]

“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you’re not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when they say ‘no’- they may not be smart enough to say ‘yes’.”

-Keith Olberman

Powerful words.

How often do we fail to risk in life, pursue something, or try anything because of the doubt others put on us? Many people think it is better to stay under the radar or seemingly invisible, listening to the discouragement of others, meanwhile avoiding the risk of truly living. You aren’t good enough for some things. You weren’t created to be successful at everything or to date everyone. That doesn’t make you failure. That is just life. You have areas of your life that you have been gifted with, in ways I have not. I cannot try to be you and succeed. You cannot be me. Life is about risk and taking chances- putting yourself out there. Be vulnerable. Be transparent when necessary. Take risks. Fear is the greatest thing to hold you back from really living. Maybe because you’ve been heartbroken already. Or discouraged. Or seemingly defeated. But try. Never be afraid of trying something new and different. At times you won’t be the right or best person for the task, etc. but at least at the end of the day you tried. Don’t live your life based off another person’s opinion of you. You are enough. You are gifted. You are talented. You are attractive. You worth it. You are unique. Be yourself. Always.

I have been on this amazingly crazy ridiculous journey lately and I love it. I have challenged myself with a few things, not because it is a new year, but simply because I desire to discover my true self…who I really am. In this search for who I really am, I’ve fallen in love. Yes love. But that’s not the crazy part. I have found a love for something I knew. Deep in my heart. I have found a love for my God in a way I have never known. I am suddenly captivated by the love and grace he offers in ways I cannot explain in proper rhetoric. Its this beautiful mystery of accidental rediscovery of the truth behind this girl I have been for 23 years. I am a lovely, beautiful, captivating woman that God created. He loves me for me. And because I know this without doubt, I am again surprised, now with a peace that resonates deep within me. His love overwhelms everything. That is enough to satisfy me.  All I know is that in this journey of self-discovery, I have found sweet serendipity.

Though this song isn’t exactly the same as what I wrote about, it is what inspired me. Enjoy!