i am so thankful right now for my friends.  josh and dan are the two guys i have gone to for the “guy advice”.  sam, rachel, and justine…man listening to me vent and “cry” sorry for that.  but i know you guys are amazing friends and just build me up as i am falling.  you guys are the friends that i have prayed for.  you guys all have shown the face of Christ this week in the various times i have gone to you.   thanks so much guys.  only God can really know how much your friendships this week especially have helped me.  i love you guys so much…my best friends!!

❤ mandy

God is awesome…this song is inspiring to me…

 

“For My Love”

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

God… all i want is to Be Near to You.  is that really hard to ask?  i try hard but God its never enough for You.  its never enough for even me to be satisfied.  God i don’t just want to stop where i know i can…but God…i want to stretch beyond what i feel i can do.  You know my heart better than anyone else.  God please i hate how i continue to flee then return just to flee again.  please HELP ME LORD.  i don’t want to live as a fugitive from Your name.  please let Your hand of grace and mercy fall on me RIGHT NOW!! God we have youth convention this weekend…i want to become radical before arriving to the church.  i want Your freedom again.  i desire Your mercy again.  i need Your grace again. 

God so much has been happening.  i don’t really ever understand what is going on or what you are doing in my life.  but i need your reassurance.  i need your guidance and your hand to always be there for me. 

i wrote this poem based off of the circumstances i have been faced with.  how sometimes you hit a place where you can’t go any further…you break.  but that breaking point finally lets you breathe again…even though I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN’T CRY:

i can’t understand; i wish i knew why

my soul is about in a pace
inside me screaming “i am weak”

the pain i cover with but simple lace
desperate spirit is only meek

my heart is running as in a race
but it is that i wish to seek

tears streaming down my face
the wetness is upon my cheek

i promised myself i wouldn’t cry

so many times in life we screw up bigtime.  i try and try…but its never my best.  so i fail and fall flat on my face.  God i want to love you with everything not just a little of anything.  its so hard but i NEED you.  please help me. 

this song is incredible.  jason upton has a gift from God…this song reaches out to me. the words are what i need to do…give God my entire life and let him make me into what he wants…

 

Jason Upton “No Sacrifice”

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life

To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures that you’ve designed for free?

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is staronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life

To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life

for those of you who are going through things and dealings with things that just seem to weigh you down…this song is for you. Clayton Risner is an amazing and awesome man of God. read this words….it does so much…





Cause to Dance
By Clayton Risner
© 2005
Clayton Risner Music

(VERSE 1)
Leaning over, he said hold on tight
She was trying, but was sucked by the tide
Knowing she was slipping, He looked right at her
Flowing with tears, As she waved her last words

(Pre-Chorus)
Faded with color, but still worn with pride
You march alone, feeling hollow inside
Nowhere to run, In this frozen demise
Continually Shattered, with no reason why

(Chorus)
Walk with your head up, Walk with it straight
The Lord the knows, The lord know what happened that day
Loved ones are gone, Hearts felt so wronged, No bed to lay your head upon
But there’s still a cause to dance, because God saved you for a reason

(Verse 2)
Daddy if your out there, Please come to me
The young girl sobbed as she was on TV
He’s my only love, See I have no one else
To give my hand away, and walk me down the isle.

(Pre-Chorus)
Faded with color, but still worn with pride
You march alone, feeling hollow inside
Nowhere to run, In this frozen demise
Continually Shattered, with no reason why

(Chorus)
Walk with your head up, Walk with it straight
The Lord knows The lord know what happened that day
Loved ones are gone, Hearts felt so wronged, No bed to lay your head upon
But there’s still a cause to dance, because God saved you for a reason

(Bridge)

(Chorus)
Walk with your head up, Walk with it straight
The Lord knows The lord know what happened that day
Loved ones are gone, Hearts felt so wronged, No bed to lay your head upon
But there’s still a cause to dance, because God saved you for a reason

recently i really come to realize that God is incredible regardless of life’s circumstances. there are so many things that can happen that can really bring someone down. i just went to honduras a few weeks ago. there i saw so much pain, hopelessness, and dryness. i felt such a burden for people who do not have a hope in Christ. when i returned from honduras there was so many things that happened. i found out my cousin shane was in a massive wreck. he was going thru a green light when an 18 wheeler semi-truck ran thru the red light smashing into him. its been about 2 weeks and he is still in critical condition. there are so many thing wrong with him now. all we can do is pray. after returning home from honduras i had to deal with other things not near as severe as my cousin. honestly i do have to the rest was pretty well….SUPERFICIAL yet it still got to me…haha. but what i learned in the past few weeks is that regardless of your situation….serious or superficial…God is there. he does care about even the simple things in your life. he knows what he is doing in the tough areas of your life…the times when there is no one else to turn too…well there is still God. he understands the uncomprehendable things even though we can’t because GOD IS A GOD OF MYSTERY…we are not meant to understand everything at once…its a matter of faith. he even knows the desires of your heart…he knows the things that you desire so much. this i realized: even when you don’t get it now or right away…HE KNOWS….its just up to his time. trust in God at all times.

hey guys…i just got back from honduras. i have don’t even have enough words to explain my trip. this was my third time returning to honduras. every year i have gained more compassion for the people there. my burden i have for the lost, poor, diseased, and hurting has increased every year. i saw some of the poorest people in latin america. i saw children running around with no shoes on while running thru mud and glass and who knows what else. i saw people with disease and disabilities. you can not even understand the pain unless you face it personally. i have decided after 3 years now….i kno why God has told me to go…i know without any doubt i will one day be a missionary in honduras. i want so desperately to see the nation rocked for God. so yeah here is what honduras was like daily…..(this is a rough idea of what we did)

MONDAY
we had to get to the philly airport at 9 am. we left at 12 and landed in miami airport. we then landed in san pedro sula at 7ish. i got to see my friends again. CARLOS, WALTER, MARISOL and JUAN (well on tuesday but whatever). we stayed in a missions home overnight. oh my gosh….we were so flippin tired.

TUESDAY
we had to leave at 5 am to drive the 3 hour drive from san pedro sula to la ceiba. we got there around 8 or 9ish. then we had to take a 2 hour boat ride to roatan island. we stayed in the END OF THE LAST RESORT hotel…aw man…it was on the beach. you have no idea how beautiful it was. that afternoon we went to two schools and did assemblies. that night we went to a church service. the atmosphere was incredible.

WEDNESDAY
we got up early and went to 3 schools and did assemblies. man was it flippin HOT!!! that night we went to a college.

THURSDAY
it was basically a similar schedule to wednesdays. we did school assemblies. we ate at the lagoon…aw man!!! beautiful!!!! we were sooo tired that night…i slept like a baby.

FRIDAY
we only did two school assemblies but they were amazing. that afternoon we had free time for a little bit. some people went snorkling. i didn’t….erg. anyways…that night was incredible. the missionaries, sam and evelyn klingler, have a HUGE circus tent and they do crusades. before it though we had a parade to tell everyone about the crusades. they call the crusades LA CARPA DEL REY…so friday night we had a crusade. it was incredible. me, brianna, and sarah were all dressed evil…they were demons and i was satan. we performed in the drama CHAOS…which shows the chaos (hence the name) that satan does in the lives of people. how he distrupts life until jesus comes and saves you. it was awesome to see the impact it had on the people there. there were about 3000 ish people there at the crusade. the prayer service that night was awesome. so many people accepted Jesus as their savior. during the prayer service a little girl came up to me and asked me to pray for her. aw man i was a sucker…she was sooo adorable. i have never seen a child so desperate like her. her name was Ingy. all i can say is WOW!!

SATURDAY
we began our day by having a kids crusade. we gave all of the kids beany babies and toys afterwards. they were so cute but it made me almost cry cause they all were so poor that they wanted more than one toy. that night we had the last crusade. it was incredible again. i have such a burden now for them. it was the end of our ministry on the trip.

SUNDAY
BEACH BABY!!!!!!!! it was our free day and we pretty much went to the beach. we all snorkled. me, gabby, kassi, and heather lead by sam….definitely went snorkling in the most amazing coral reef EVER!!! we even went way out into the open ocean…i swore i was gonna see jaws. haha. it was amazing. before leaving i had to say goodbye to someof the honduran guys we worked with. i said bye to the worship team, niem, william, the other ones that i don’t know their names. but the hardest goodbye was JUAN. he is sucha great friend. we both almost started crying. he gave me his necklace and said i was his baby…haha…then of course we did the long trek back to san pedro sula and stayed in the missions home again. that night i had to say goodbye to evelyn…man did i lose it completely. i love her so much. man i can’t wait to see her again.

MONDAY
leaving!!!!!! we went to the market place before we went to the airport. i got gifts and what not. it was fun. but then we had to go to the airport. saying bye to walter and marisol was hard. but saying bye to sam and especially carlos…aw man i almost lost it again. i love all of them soooo much.

HONDURAS WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. IT WAS INCREDIBLE AND I AM RETURNING WHEN I CAN. DIOS TE BENDIGA!!!!!!!

❤ ❤ ❤ SAM, EVELYN, NIEM, MARISOL, WALTER, esp. JUAN and CARLOS

God is so interesting.  he controls so much. he is the one holds the time…what we want, desire, strive for, and reach to sometimes aren’t always able to be caught in within our grasp.  sometimes things just don’t work out.  sometimes things aren’t meant for that time.  yet others were destined for that moment.  they were designed by God to take place in those moments.  ITS GOD’S TIME…its all about him and what he wants for us, what he desires, what he strives for our lives, and what he wants us to reach.  God knows what he is doing in our lives…its just the matter of us trusting him.  we have to have a certain amount of faith in God to understand, maybe not fully comprehend, God’s will for our lives.  it may make us have to sacrifice or surrender things, but in the end it’ll all be worth it when we see God’s face.

“Something tells me that this is going to make sense
Something tells me it’s going to take patience
Something tells me that this will all work out in the end”

LOST senior high camp

camp was great this year.  it wasn’t the best year in some aspects…but it was the best when it came to God.  i felt God in the services and prayer. read and see how my life was the past week…

 

DAY 1-tuesday

we got to camp and i saw people i had already known…friends i hadn’t seem in a while. the service that night and the week was great.  FLOODGATE…the drama team from CBC was incredible and hilarious.  ron heitman…a pastor who is totally on fire for God spoke all week.  he spoke on getting lost in the greatest moments of our life.  how we can get lost and turn our back on God because we aren’t willing to give a little.  (mark 10:17-22). 

DAY 2- wednesday

an early rise began the day..AHH!! there was morning worship lead by jay dela cruz and his band…they are awesome.  then all the seniors left to go to another service…eh.  when we broke into our clubs, i was in the worship band/choir club.  right away pastor jason asked me to LEAD WORSHIP…i thought he got me confused with another girl from last year.  so i lead worship with joey bucci. it was cool to finally get that chance.  the rest of the day was pretty cool until we got to the crazy games…the RELAY. oh man…i almost broke a rib and thats not an exaggeration. i slid on a slip n slide and bruised my rib really badly.  so it hurt me really bad.  that night though, the worship was great…done by chosen, the band from VFCC.  the sermon was about three fires: FIRE OF DENIAL, FIRE OF RELATIONSHIP, FIRE OF GOD.  it was great.  the prayer time was pretty good too. 

DAY 3-thursday

thursday was insane.  the worship was lead again by jay.  again there was a senior meeting in the morning.  games, etc. was okay…nothing too special.  the night service though was AWESOME!!! pastor ron spoke on getting lost in God once you are filled with the holy spirit.  that night the prayer service was the most amazing prayer time i have ever seen.  so many people were desperate wanting more and more of God.  toward the end of the service, a girl, my friend sam prayed for me….but the crazy thing was that she prayed for me in SPANISH when she doesn’t even speak it. she then told me over and over that God is going to use me.  i was so overjoyed.  it was incredible.

DAY 4- friday

it was a crazy day.  morning worship by jay.  i was so happy when they didn’t have the seniors leave.  brian adams spoke on ezekiel 37…which was insane b/c he spoke on the exact points i am speaking on in august at NATIONALS.  it was amazing.  the team competitions were so crazy and intense. there was the giant relay race.  i had to do the slip n slide…i beasted it man…and then i ran so flippin fast.  i kept us in a 2nd place lead. we did though end up coming in 4th at the end.  the night service was unusual.  the worship band/choir performed…we lead in FOREVER, and as a choir sang “who can satisfy?” pastor ron spoke on SPIRIT, SOUL, BODY.  
(genesis 32:22-32) how you can have a name change, grip change, walk change.  it was great.  afterwards we had a bonfire.  at it jay’s band lead worship and we all just praised God in front of a fire and  amazing surrounding.  people spoke of how God changed them during the week.  it was awesome.  i loved it. 

DAY 5- saturday

today…we left camp…ahh!!! i miss everyone.  i put all of my pictures on my community webshots page.  http://community.webshots.com/user/broken4jc 
so look at em…

thats about it with camp. it was a great experience to have.  i loved it.  yeah there were certain things i didnt care for as much or whatever…but overall…CAMP ROCKED.  i got one more year left.  CAMP 06!!